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Suddenly being blanked by another mum for no apparent reason

(21 Posts)
blimey Mon 26-Jan-09 20:51:07

another mum in the preschool queue. Why? no idea what I did, thought we were starting to get to know each other after she had initiated conversations and I had reciprocated, seemed like a nice woman . She now turns away when she sees me coming, didn't "hear" me when I said hello (stopped bothering now) and even worse turns away and talks to others who then look at me as I approach.
How do I handle this?
I want to say "hello I appear to have offended you, I hope not but if I have could you please let me know what I did so I can explain/apologise" but not sure I am brave enough and scared of response (could burst into tears!!)
other experiences?
any blankers out there want to explain why they do it?

PinkFurryStripeyTiger Mon 26-Jan-09 20:55:11

I've given up trying to work this one out. I got a very dismissive response from someone yesterday, whom had been very keen to chat when we had been bumping itno each other at the play park. I remeber women like this from before babies, too, especially at parties. Sometimes they would beahve as thoughI were their best friend, then the next they would barely acknowlegde me. I think it depended upon wether 'someone better' was around.

PinkFurryStripeyTiger Mon 26-Jan-09 20:55:57

who not whom sorry.

theresonlyme Mon 26-Jan-09 20:56:03

True but also in my case I can't always see someone properly until afer they have gone past and it is too late to smile.

twinsetandpearls Mon 26-Jan-09 20:56:33

Is she shy?

PinkFurryStripeyTiger Mon 26-Jan-09 20:56:57

Not when you are standing next to them in a queue though, surely??

theresonlyme Mon 26-Jan-09 20:58:25

Of course not. I meant in the playground when it is busy and you are trying to keep an eye on your kids as well as look where you are going.

Ros3 Mon 26-Jan-09 21:20:31

may be sleep deprived and not registered you...I also had this recently and just found out the mother has now walked out, getting a divorce and left her children with the father.
So things may be more complex.

blimey Mon 26-Jan-09 21:47:12

she's not shy and seems pretty lively talking to others so I feel like it is just me. It's true though could be other things going on and she is only talking to people she really knows well, odd not to even smile though...

Haribosmummy Mon 26-Jan-09 21:52:02

this happened to me, but in reverse... Joined a group with DS and another mum blanked me completely yet made overt comments to some other mums about going for coffee (I was not invited)...

then one day, she clocked the car I was driving... and she realised where I lived. After that she was far too nice.

I left the group, no way I'm getting into that when DS isn't even a year already!

I would DEF speak to this woman. You need to know what her problem is.

MadamDeathstare Mon 26-Jan-09 21:54:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mooseheart Mon 26-Jan-09 22:02:19

Haribosmummy.... what a superficial old baggage.

I had a shit week last week and by Friday was in no mood to talk to anyone. Was quite rude to one woman as I said hello to her in a v unfriendly way. It was not her, it was me being peed off about other things, and inadvertently it came through in the way I greeted her.

I did feel dreadful about it all weekend, and today I made an extra special attempt to be nice to her!

I really can't explain why this woman is being 'orrible but one reason may be that she felt she was doing all the chasing and the talking and perhaps you seemed a bit stand-offish in response? Maybe now she feels like a bit of a mug and wants to prove to you that she doesn't need you and can find other friends. Only a suggestion, no idea if it's the case or not but who knows, nowt so queer as folk... Sorry if I'm not being much help...

blimey Mon 26-Jan-09 22:22:14

thanks, you've all been very helpful, love your idea madamedeathstare - if I'm feeling brave may have a go!
haribosmummy - it a great idea to talk but so easy for her to say oh nothings wrong and generally act like I'm just being paranoid
mooseheart - you could be right but I did think I was responding to her overtures,
nowt so queer indeed!
pinkfurry -I'm sure this must go on a lot
I did it myself to one woman because her son hit my son on repeated occasions at a mum and toddler sports class and she never intervened and I was too apopolectic to say anything, but she must have known why.. maybe that's the thing, my woman must think I know why, which leads me back to needing to talk to her!!!

blimey Mon 26-Jan-09 23:32:07

apoplectic!! is it?

saggyhairyarse Wed 28-Jan-09 23:22:05

People are strange. A few of us at school have kids in gym. I go to Waitrose as DSs have a muffin and I buy bread while i'm there. Other Mums came along a few times, today they say we are going to MacDonalds (though didn't invite me) but when I get to Waitrose they are there. I am not sure if they thought I wouldn't go on my own (but I go anyway))????

All I think is 'meh' and make a mental note for future reference.

lovelessbroad Wed 28-Jan-09 23:33:08

Hmm. I had this. I came to the conclusion that the woman had, for her own reasons, decided she didn't like me.

Her loss. I am really nice. grin.

katsing Wed 28-Jan-09 23:33:52

If you really think that it would help you feel better about it, then do talk about it with her.

As others have said though,
people are strange. I know a mum who's daughter is DD's best friend, we've met her in the morning on the way to school and she doesn't wait for us to catch up but walks on ahead as if the hounds of God were behind her. Other times she is really friendly. I find that odd.

I'm also partially deaf and a lazy eye so I'm pretty sure I've unintentionally not answered people some time and they thought I was blanking them. shrugs.

You can't spend your life worrying about what other people think!

jalopy Thu 29-Jan-09 08:54:39

Blimey, don't let it bother you.

Continue as normal, smile, greet her, etc. Don't give her the satisfaction that you're worried at all.

In the meantime, make friends elsewhere.

You'll encounter many like her in the playground over the next few years.

Don't take it to heart.

blimey Fri 30-Jan-09 15:47:07

Thanks for everyone's messages. I am trying to rise above it. It is frankly baffling though! Her 2 friends have stopped talking to me as well now so I wonder if she thinks I'm a child molester or have been buying billboards criticising her dress sense... now maybe that's an idea...

TheFirstLiffey Fri 30-Jan-09 15:52:06

That's weird. In your shoes, I'd WANT to know. BUT I'm sure they want you to know what you've 'done' wrong.

I'd leave them to their petty antics. and don't play their game by asking 'what you've done'!!!

You've done nothing! Even if there had been one minor careless comment you'd made which you hadn't realised that they had overheard, that is not a sensible reason to cut somebody stone dead.

I can't stand people who act like this in their 30s. Grow UP!

TheFirstLiffey Fri 30-Jan-09 15:54:23

Madamedeathstare, I like your style. I was talking to a girl from school recently and we were laughing about girls from school I isay girls, but 37 yrs old!) who look down and ignore you when they see you. How bloody socially dysfunctional is that??

I do the same now, a really clear, loud, confident 'hello Jenny' and not give a fcuk what response you get back, just know you're polite and friendly..

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