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Selfish friends without children

(6 Posts)
seahorse Tue 25-Mar-03 10:04:43

I have an old school friend who has no children and is obsessively 'together' with her dh - they do everything together and it drives me mad - I've been friends with her since school but you can never see her on her own - her dh always has to come too. My dh is away in the gulf and we have only recently moved to the south - she is one of the few people I know down here - she lives 1.5 hrs away. I've been quite down/isolated/pndish recently and finally plucked up the courage to phone her and tell her about it - she so obviously doesn't understand anything about having 2 children under 3 on your own - if it was me I would have rushed over one evening to cheer her up but she is busy with all her hobbies such as sailing and skiing (which of course we don't do anymore since having children and dh away so much)- what shall I do - I'm so annoyed I want to let rip but am I being over emotional - Also having party later this year for 10th wedding nniversary - thinking of not inviting her to be vindictive - when things aren't going that well in your life it's easy to tell who your real friends are. What shall I do - dump her by email?

lorne Tue 25-Mar-03 10:14:26

Seahorse,

I doo feel for you but I wouldn't rush and send her an email.I personally was one of the last of my friends to have a baby so when any of them needed help etc I would rush to them and help out with baby sitting etc. I have always loved children so I felt they were helping me out more than the other way as I got alot out of it too.As she doesn't have children she won't probably realise how much work etc they are. I do have one friend who wont ever have children as she is more for her career and I must admit we just aren't so friendly now as we have different interests. I know she is always there if I do need her and vice versa. Maybe you should have a wee chat with your friend and say that it would be really nice for just the two of you to meet up. Hope it all works out. Good luck

clucks Tue 25-Mar-03 10:19:41

I wouldn't dump her at the mo', admittedly she is irritating but you can just avoid her until you settle in better. With you DH away at a time of war etc. you have a lot of stresses including being in a new area.

Try and divert your attention to discovering local activities for the kids and yourself and when things are better for you deal with your relationship with her later.

fallala Tue 25-Mar-03 19:47:13

Wait till she has kids then reassess!
Hope you feel better soon .

Lindy Tue 25-Mar-03 21:22:51

seahorse - I really wouldn't suggest dumping her - I would just let things drift for a while; I think in life there is room for 'all sorts' of friends - I have someone I would class as a very close friend, yet I rarely speak to her on the phone/haven't actually seen her for 5 years and in nearly 20 years of friendship she has only made the effort twice to visit me!! Yet, when we do meet up we are so close that I really don't allow 'the differences' to affect our friendship. I have other 'friends' that I see nearly every day, help with childcare, phone/e-mail all the time - yet I still consider this other friend a 'better' friend.

Easier said than done but I would try & concentrate on other friendships for the time being - I thoroughly agree with your comment that there's nothing more irritating than having to see your friend as 'part of a couple' all the time.

Jimjams Tue 25-Mar-03 21:42:55

nah don't dump her. I think it's normal for people to not understand situations they know nothing about. For example I have a disabled son and some of the people I used to see before we knew he had a problem I just can't see very often now as their total inability to understand my life now leaves us with too big a gap! But I wouldn't dump them. I've made new friends who understand as they're in the same situation as me and when my (mainly antenatal) friends become too much I just don't contact them for a whie.

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