Rugby - Help/advice needed

[ditsymum]

My husband is Rugby mad. He starts on about a game days before it is on and books his time to watch it. This may sound ok but we have a 5 month old son whom he completley ignores when said Rugby is on and me of course.

I am suffering from PND and get upset and angry very easily and this happens every time a Rugger match is on and with the world cup at the end of the year we may end up in the divorce courts.

I am very isolated and know very few people so can not go out for a coffe and chat while matches are on.

I am not selfish at all it just angers me that we have to have our lives dictated to by a match, he watches TV like a rabbit caught in the headlights like he has never seen one before, so we turn it off to stop his gaze from constantly wandering but not when a match is on. If we tape it he has to watch it asap obviously so he does not find out the result. I am lonely and isolated enough without this as well.

I am not explaining myself very well, sorry it just hurts that he can cut us both off so easily and quickly when he wants to.

[Meid]

Are you married to my DH? Your post sounds so familiar. I have to put up with rugby, cricket (bloody world cup at the moment), golf and sometimes football. Drives me mad. If I talk to him when the TV is on I'm lucky to get a "mmmm" out of him. If I leave him to look after dd the first thing he'll say is "lets see what is on Sky Sports". He never offers her Cbeebies. Yet, since her arrival I have sacrificed EastEnders, Brookside - all the things I used to watch.
It has got much better - partly because dd is now older and has grown to like watching these things herself and hence meaning I can potter and do my own things while they both watch the sport. The other reason it got better was because I sat him down and said that there are so many things he misses out on and things happen that he doesn't hear about because I don't get the chance to talk to him because of the sport being on. I said it is extremely rude of him and a terrible example to show for our daughter.
What has really helped, though, is on occasions I have hidden the remote control and despite initially being annoyed with me, he has had to admit that he has had a nice time without the telly. Doing this every now and then has shocked him into realising how much time he is wasting not being with his family and just stuck in front of the telly. Have you tried that?
Fortunately I haven't had PND so I can't help you on that score but there must be someone out there, living in your area, who is also a rugby widow? Where abouts are you?

[SueW]

My DH is also rugby mad. Cannot drag himself out of bed on a normal Saturday but can leap out if Super 12 rugby is being screened on Sky Sports (last few weeks, I think).

I have found the only way to handle it is to take DD out of the house. Fortunately she's now old enough to go to dancing lessons so we both disappear for most of the day until even the afternoon matches are over.

In my experience it is much better for me since I accepted it and walked away than when I stayed home trying to make a point. In that scenario none of us was happy and the anger/disquiet continued all day and spilled over into the evening and possibly the next day, ruining the whole weekend.

Whereabouts are you ditsymum? Perhaps mumsnetters could help you find someone locally to team up with for coffee or something on match days?

[Jaybee]

My dh is like this but with football rather than rugby - it is not so bad now that the kids are older and he takes ds with him to matches - it means that me and dd get lovely girly days together. I also hate it being on the TV at home as it seems to take over the whole house. The deal used to be that he could watch the game and only the game and we spent some time together either before it or after it. Before I gave in to Sky I used to send dh to the local club or pub to watch the games and I felt this was preferable to him watching it at home (and he could watch game and have a beer for cheaoer than Sky). If he refuses to compromise on this leave your ds with him when the rugby is on and take yourself off shopping - he won't be able to ignore him for long

[Alibubbles]

Wait till your DS (if you have one) plays 4 times a week!

[Jaybee]

I know the feeling Alibubbles - football twice a week and rugby twice a week - I seem to be constantly washing muddy kit. Glad I have only got one ds - my friend has three and they are all sporty.

[ditsymum]

Hi

Thanks for the advice I do not know how confident I would be leaving ds with dh as he will only get ½ of his attention at the most. I just love the conversations when one eye is on the telly constantly. I have almost given up on Eastenders as well. Newcastle are playing tonight I am originally from NE so we will watch the match but I will not exclude everything else and if ds cries I will go to him.

I live in Sheffield and would love to find some other mums to have a coffee and a chat to thanks for the offer.

[Bozza]

ditsymum - do a search I'm sure there were a couple of Mums from Sheffield discussing meeting up only the other day.

I think you are going to have to be a bit more harsh and leave your DS with your DH - after all at 5 months he can't move about and get into danger so it might be better to do it at this age. Otherwise insist your DH take him out in the morning and then you do something with him in the afternoon while the sport is on. My DH plays golf on a Saturday afternoon so it is a rule that I can do something for myself in the morning if I want (don't that often) and DH gives DS his Saturday bath/bedtime routine.

[Lindy]

I think we're all married to the same man! My DH is exactly the same although I prefer him watching the rugby on SKy than when he was playing at the club - because that meant drinking all night too! It does amaze me that they can be so obsessed about mud & balls ........ DH actually writes the matches in his diary & I dare not suggest doing anything else whilst it is on.

I must say that I am looking forward to him taking DS to play in the future (despite the washing) at least I'll have time to myself! He already took him to watch one game, DS was 18 months, DH's comment was 'he was really interested, he couldn't wait to get on the pitch'!

My DH has now developed an interest in fishing, now that is really boring - out from 6am until 4pm on Sunday - and have you ever seen the fishing programme on Sky? Yawn.

[Jaybee]

Lindy - time for yourself when ds is playing - don't be fooled!!!! You will soon be there cheering him on from the sidelines and when you are not it will be your turn for club kitchen duty!!! I seem to have less time now than when they were babies.

[Lindy]

Jaybee - what ?!!!!!!!!!!!

I've already served my time at rugby clubs - I met my DH there (am I stupid) when working behind the bar - I don't want to go back!!

[judetheobscure]

Am I the only one who watches the rugby, cricket, football, tennis etc. with dh and the children entertain themselves?

[Lindy]

judetheobscure ...............err ..........I should think you're in the minority but great if you enjoy it!

Two B**y rugby matches today, at least DS slept through them & I even went to bed with a good book - should have gone out for a healthy walk in this lovely weather.

DH is off to Dublin next weekend, kept mentioning the match so I assumed he'd got a ticket ..... but no, he just wants to be there to 'soak up the atmosphere' !!

[judetheobscure]

swi-i-i-ng low, sweet cha-a-rio-ot

[megg]

judetheobscure I'm another one who loves my sports trouble is ds will switch everything off except the cricket so hopefully I'll get to see some of the final today.

[Ghosty]

judetheobscure ....
Seriously though ... I don't have a problem with sport on the telly ... I let DH argue it out with DS whether it is rugby or the 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang' video ... I go on to mumsnet while they are debating ....
My problem is that I am a cricket widow. We are nearing the end of the season here in NZ so I am not feeling as 'anti' as I was a few weeks ago. I totally understand it when you say ditsymum that you can't understand it when he can switch off so easily from you and DS ... I have been fighting this for 8 years now but it got so much worse when DS was born 3 years ago ... I am constantly telling DH that it make me feel c**p that DS and I are not at the top of his list ... but then if he does take a day off from Cricket then we both feel bad ... he resents me for 'not letting' him play and I feel guilty that he is not playing and is unhappy. A lose lose situation ... So he plays cricket and I feel miserable ... Only one of us is miserable not both ....
I have made a concerted effort not to care anymore ... all it is is a waste of energy and makes me feel worthless ... I just get on with the day and look forward to Sunday (he gave up Sunday cricket when I threatened to leave him after DS was born )