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What would you do?

(13 Posts)
bubble99 Tue 22-Mar-05 14:03:18

Just had an email from an old friend who I haven't seen or spoken to for ages. Last time we spoke I was still pregnant with the twins and she was in the early stages of pregnancy with her first baby. She's emailed asking how the twins are, are they girls/boys etc. She's now 7 months pregnant and sounds happy and excited. She's an intelligent woman and I know rationally she'll realise that our horror story of Bo's botched labour and subsequent death are (I pray) not what she can expect for her own labour- but I don't want to upset her or make her anxious at this stage in her pg. What do I do? Should I contact her which means I'll of course have to tell her or should I wait until she's delivered?

TracyK Tue 22-Mar-05 14:06:12

sorry - I don't know your poor story - but I reckon you should get in contact with her if you are that friendly with her - or maybe drop her a quick note - saying you're rushing out and you'll contact her later - just so she knows you're not avoiding her?
or if she's like I was - she'll have heard all sorts of scare stories for the last 7 months anyway - if she's intelligent she'll take it in hre stride.

colditzmum Tue 22-Mar-05 14:06:41

I would wait until she has delivered, make excuses until then, then afterwards you can explain why, and I'm sure she will understand why you avoided her.


Dahlia Tue 22-Mar-05 14:10:52

I agree with Colditzmum. She will understand when you explain after the birth.
How are you bubble? I've been thinking about you and your family. xxxxxxxxx

foxinsocks Tue 22-Mar-05 14:12:12

If you feel up to telling her, I would probably say something. She may find it suspicious if you don't contact her - like Tracy said, I heard loads of awful stories when I was pregnant though it is worse if it's happened to someone you know. I would say that you were thinking of not saying anything because you didn't want to upset her and hopefully, she'll then take it in her stride.

By the way, I wish you well for the outcome of the enquiry (not sure when it is). We're not far from Kingston hospital - my dd has had an operation there recently - and I really hope they put their hands up and don't cover up. (sorry a bit off topic).

Clayhead Tue 22-Mar-05 14:12:59

My mum kept something like this from me when I was pregnant with ds and I'm glad she did, I think I coped with knowing far better after than I would have before.

SoupDragon Tue 22-Mar-05 14:14:44

I think I'd reply saying only that Bo was stillborn and that you're not ready to talk about it. I think if you don't reply she'll worry that you've not replied IYSWIM.

dinosaur Tue 22-Mar-05 14:16:36

I agree with SoupDragon.

Since having a very near miss with DS1 I always worry horribly about friends if they are pregnant and I don't hear from them when I'm expecting to.

welshmum Tue 22-Mar-05 14:20:14

Bubble, I think you're going to get a mixture of responses to this one depending on the personality of the people replying. If it was me (and I'm 30 weeks pg) I'd want to know your story - if only because you'd be my friend and I'd want to be there for you. Others here are right too - you do hear all sorts of terrible stories throughout the 9 months.
I'm still thinking of you very much Bubble and hoping that you have all the support and love you need from your family and friends to cope with what happened.

TheVillageIdiot Tue 22-Mar-05 14:33:31

Agree with SoupDragon

NomDePlume Tue 22-Mar-05 14:34:43

I think SoupDragon is on the nail.

magnolia1 Tue 22-Mar-05 17:22:23

Hi Bubble,

I would tell her, but of course we all have our own opinions. I think if it was me who was pregnant I would still want to know if my friend had been through what you have xxx

Mechelle xx

SofiaAmes Wed 23-Mar-05 00:31:41

A friend's sil had a stillborn baby a few months before I was due with my second and I was really upset when they told me about it and I really wished I hadn't been told. Having said that, I'm not sure how you shoudl deal with it.

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