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relocating an only child

(23 Posts)
noddyholder Sun 13-Mar-05 12:24:16

We have always wanted to open an alternative B&B and the only way to o it would be to relocate which my ds aged 10 is dead against.he goes crazy if we mention it at all.He is about to start secondary school this year and a few of his friends will go with him but not many tbh.Any experience of this?He does have loads of friends and is v popular and I feel really guilty to even conside it but we know it is now or wait til he's a lot older.What do you think?

swiperfox Sun 13-Mar-05 12:37:39

Hiya - I was exactly the same at the same age. I was an only child and my mum wanted to move. I was devastated and I was in floods of tears everytime i thought we were going to move. How far would you be moving? I know my Mum missed out on a lot of houses that she really wanted because of me, but in the end we did move and after getting used to the initial idea it was fine - I settled in, still managed to see my friends etc and just got a bus to the school that all my friends were going to instead of going to a different school.
Good luck - I know its really hard. Thing is if you are going to miss out on a good business because of it you might be better just facing the guilty feelings and going for it!

yeye Sun 13-Mar-05 12:39:30

oh dear thats tough dont know what to say but i will share from own experience.
I was living in the philippines when i was about that age my parents decided to move to America. I was sad because I didnt want to leave my friends behind and even the house I grew up in. I was torn apart. When we got here in america i was very lonely and all i did was write so many letters to my friends almost everyday. I would cry at night and it was very tough for me. When i started school i was not adjusting to the environment because its total different country. a couple days later after I started school i started to meet new friends and that made me a little bit happy. After awhile i made friends and i adjusted to the environment so it was getting better.
From then when i started making friends i was not lonely anymore. I started to realize its part of life and friends do come and go, but they never be forgotten.
It would be better if he's still at that age because once he reach highschool it would be harder because thats when they start having relationship.
Your son might not understand since he's still a child but later on he will.

noddyholder Sun 13-Mar-05 12:40:35

We are thinking of a total move he def wouldn't be going to the same school or seeing his friends at all.I think it would be different if he had brothers and sisters We are in a real dilemma If we don't go this time we have to settle here til he's much older

swiperfox Sun 13-Mar-05 12:41:51

are you in a position where you can wait? I think if its a total move i'd be inclined to settle until he's finished school

noddyholder Sun 13-Mar-05 12:45:31

We have always thought we would wait.Dp is ill atm with bad cold etc and called me from work today to say its been on his mind again but I am ok here for now tbh and think he may just be p**d off at having to work today We have just had the garage made into a room so that he can teach drums and i have been thinking of using my reiki too so we are ok here for now but will see when he gets in this afternoon

yeye Sun 13-Mar-05 12:46:15

once he starts to meet new people and start to make new friends he'll feel better

TracyK Sun 13-Mar-05 12:56:04

can you maybe have a 'trial' period or maybe just a long holiday - maybe a month or so - just till he find out that he can live without his mates??
maybe not tell him its permanent - so that his mind is totally closed to the possibility of enjying himself.

noddyholder Sun 13-Mar-05 12:57:24

I think he would know it was permanent as we have discussed it before

GeorginaA Sun 13-Mar-05 13:02:15

I think the fact he's popular and has lots of friends will actually make it easier for him - as he is obviously good at making friends.

On the flip side, my parents moved at the same age (I'm an only child too) from Derbyshire to Wales and I found it very hard. I never found it easy making friends and it did take me a long while to ajust.

I think you need to go on gut feeling based on the size of the opportunity and on the personality of your son.

noddyholder Sun 13-Mar-05 13:03:40

The trouble is when I was ill on dialysis before my transplant these friends were his life and so it is extra hard

GeorginaA Sun 13-Mar-05 13:10:29

Yes I can see it would be very hard in those circumstances.

I don't know. I do sometimes wonder if my ride through secondary school would have been an easier one had we stayed with my friends in Derbyshire. But then, it's easy to look back and think "what if" when a whole lot of other things may have been different too.

You're obviously not going into this blind or lightly, but also it doesn't sound like there's an urgent push to do it now. Would it be worth investigating more on the practicalities of the scheme?

noddyholder Sun 13-Mar-05 13:21:36

TBH it was always me who wanted to do this and I ahd finally accepted it was going to be when ds was grown and at college but it is now dp who has raised this idea I think I will have to tell him no for now I think we are just feeling a bit trapped knowing we have to stay here for several years as we do like to wander!

MissGalway Sun 13-Mar-05 13:26:10

what is so special about the b&b that you can't do it where you are.

noddyholder Sun 13-Mar-05 13:27:49

cost really to buy a big enough property and renovate in the way we would like for a business would cost too much where we are I am happy to stay put for now ds is most important thing to me

stitch Sun 13-Mar-05 13:28:19

kids go where there parents go. what so important about staying where you are? if its something his parents want to do so much, then why is he being so selfish?
havent read this entire thread yet, and extremely pissed off at husband at the moment. so sorry if a bit abrupt.

stitch Sun 13-Mar-05 13:29:27

when i was this age, my parents moved countries, three times in two years..
kids cope

noddyholder Sun 13-Mar-05 13:31:51

I think it is harsh to call him selfish he is only a child and given the circumstances he is really a lovely boy He relied heavily on is friends when i was ill and they are like family to him

stitch Sun 13-Mar-05 15:37:24

as i said noddy, i was extremely angry at dh at the time i wrote the psot. actually still am, but have calmed down a bit, as there is nothing i can do about it.
and i have already apologised about being harsh. but i still things kids cope

tallulah Sun 13-Mar-05 18:22:23

Three of my kids had to start at a new secondary school where they knew nobody. One of them has ADHD & problems with social skills and I was terrified for him, but he coped just fine. They make new friends anyway once they move up, and often go separate ways. My DS1 who did go with his friends had a totally different set of friends by the end of Y7 & hardly saw his old best friends at all, even though they were in a lot of the same classes.

Blu Sun 13-Mar-05 19:19:12

Do you think the new location offers a better quality of life for DS, in the long run? Are there any opportunities or benefits for him? is there any chance of moving up in time for him to make friends with local children who would be abut to start the new 2ndry school, too? And maybe invite dome of his old friends up over the summer holidays too? The start of 2ndry education is a time of new start and upheaval for v many kids - but I do v much sympathise with your wish to take his wishes fully into the centre of your decision.

oxocube Sun 13-Mar-05 19:33:32

I think, as someone has already said, if the quality of life/ overall happiness of the family will benefit from this new lifestyle and location, then you are justified in 'going for it'! It is undeniably hard on children but they are so adaptable and soon make new friends. We have moved (countries) quite a few times in the last 8 years, although we have 3 kids rather than just one, and I am constantly amazed by how resilient our children are. We will probably move again in about a year or so and although the children are really happy in their school and have made loads of friends, they do not seem particularly 'anti' any future relocations. Sometimes you have to think long-term rather than about your son's immediate feelings and needs which I know is hard. Best of luck

noddyholder Mon 14-Mar-05 15:54:00

thanks every one we are discussing this atm and I'll keep ypu posted

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