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OMG I feel sick and am in shock, have just had some news of the worst kind about a work colleague

(21 Posts)
MadreInglese Tue 04-Nov-08 13:31:17

He is being done for indecent acts against, and photos/videos, of minors (am typing this at work and there is a security filter that doesn't let certain words through, hence my odd vocab)

I had quite regular phone and email contact with this bloke for years and we met up (in a group) 2 or 3 times a year for meetings and then went out for drinks afterwards

There is no doubt of guilt as he has admitted and is waiting for sentencing - he is remanded as he is considered very dangerous by the judge

He has children, god his poor family

OMG and grandchildren

I've read the press articles and it's just hideous

Farking hell, you think you know somebody

I feel sick sad

Margehasbluehair Tue 04-Nov-08 13:34:33

How horrible .

The best way to look at it is that he won't be able to harm any more people now plus he'll probably lose his job (wouldn't normally wish that on people) so you won't see him anymore.

redrobin Tue 04-Nov-08 13:35:16

oh thats grim. something similar happened to a bloke my DH worked with occasionally - he was a canadian national, and scarpered once he'd been exposed, leaving his poor pregnant wife to deal with the fallout...too too hideous. he had been working with children too. its all too real suddenly isn;t it?

BBBee Tue 04-Nov-08 13:36:08

what a horrible shock for you. Is there someone at work you can talk to about this? It must be terrible.

pagwatch Tue 04-Nov-08 13:38:00

TBH I am always surprised that people are surprised.
My abuser was a great bloke - everyone loved him.
Yet we still think that they are dirty mac types.
Of course they are ordinary people who you would never suspect - that is how most ofthem get away with it.

I am honestly sorry for your shock though. It is a terrible kind of understanding to have to adjust to .

CrushWithEyeliner Tue 04-Nov-08 13:39:54

This sadly is the reality about people who abuse children. They can be seen as such lovely people. They are masters of deception and manipulation. Their crimes are indicative of that. I too am am sorry for your shock.

MadreInglese Tue 04-Nov-08 13:41:05

Yes, everyone at work knows, it's been 'announced'

Most of them are just blardy fishwives and think it's a bit of gossip so I'm avoiding discussing it at work really

He has resigned already

MadreInglese Tue 04-Nov-08 13:44:17

Yeah I know pagwatch, I know it would be naive of me to think you can spot an abuser a mile off. I'm sorry for what you've been through sad and I didn't mean to offend

(of course the nags here are now saying "oh I always thought there was something a bit odd about him" hmm)

dittany Tue 04-Nov-08 13:54:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pagwatch Tue 04-Nov-08 13:55:16

Gosh - you didn't offend me at all !

I genuinely just find it odd that people are so very shocked but I think that is probably a good thing. Better to believe that everyone is benign until you have evidence to the contrary. Absoloutely better

The thing that really does bug me is the attitude of 'but he couldn't have done it - he is not like that'. As if there is a type.

Try and ignore the hags.

ginnny Tue 04-Nov-08 14:00:16

Its still a huge shock when you find that someone you know (or thought you knew) is capable of that.
The barman of our local pub was done for looking at and downloading stuff a few years ago.
I felt sick at the thought that he'd been in the same room as my dc (although never alone with them or anything thank God).
He definitely didn't look the type either, a kindly old Grandad figure.
Makes me shudder.

nickytwotimes Tue 04-Nov-08 14:03:26

It is horrrid to find this out.
However, I do second what Pagwatch said - my abuser was a pillar of the local community. He probably still is. sad

MadreInglese Tue 04-Nov-08 14:09:32

I just feel sick thinking that I've socialised and chatted with him

I am definitely doubting my ability to judge character (yeah I know that's daft but I'm feeling like that today)

Those poor children sad

Will be giving my DD an extra big hug tonight

Dior Tue 04-Nov-08 14:12:35

Message withdrawn

nickytwotimes Tue 04-Nov-08 14:13:50

You can't spot abusers - do not feel guilty.
The only people who need feel guilty are the abusers themselves.

pagwatch Tue 04-Nov-08 14:15:04

poor you Madre

Don't doubt your character assessment.
Don't make any of this about anyone but him. He will have fooled people much closer to him than you. Don't doubt yourself - just see him now for what he is.

You haven't done anything wrong and there was no way you could have known.

<< do the DD cuddling thing though. smile >>

pagwatch Tue 04-Nov-08 14:15:31

x posted nicky

nickytwotimes Tue 04-Nov-08 14:16:20

Oh, definitely the cuddles!

MadreInglese Tue 04-Nov-08 14:18:16

I didn't spend enough time with him to have spotted anything untoward about him

It's just shite sad

MadreInglese Tue 04-Nov-08 14:20:20

Even if I had spent loads of time with him, like you say - you rarely really know what someone is like

I will be meeting the same work group in a few weeks (without him of course), that's going to be, um, weird

atterual Tue 04-Nov-08 14:27:40

Sorry to hear about this. read my thread about my husband!!

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