Help,I've been put on the spot, and don't know what on eareth to say.

[mummyloveslucy]

Hi, I have a bit of a problem. My work coleague who I'll be doing a night shift with on christmas day has left a message on our answer phone saying can she have a lift to work on chistmas evening.
She knows my husband drives me, as I don't drive. If I drove it wouldn't be a problem at all, but my husband dosn't want to go out of his way to pick her up. He says it's just so that her husband can have a few drinks, which is probubly true.
It's just so awkward for me, as I know her from nursery etc.
He is extreamly stubborn, and has told me to just make up some excuse. I don't know what on earth to say though.
What would you do?

[monkeymonkeymonkey]

How far out of your way is it?

[Kbear]

say you will be coming straight from your MIL's on the other side of town on Christmas night so won't be coming nearby

or just pick her up and show Christmas spirit!! you might need a lift one day and she would probably come and get you.

[tribpot]

I don't really get what the issue is. He has to stay sober in order to drive you. The other dh could do the same but what's the point since you can't drive yourself? Why can't she come and fetch you?

[DustyTv]

Could you ask her if she can make it to your house before you leave? Then your husband wouldn't have to go out of his way. If she cant then just tell her that you wont be able to pick her up from her house as it is too far out of the way.

[CatMandu]

Could you ask her to make her own way to your house? Say your husband doesn't want to leave the dc's for any longer than necessary.

[mummyloveslucy]

She lives in the next town along from us, about 6 miles.
If I drove, I'd pick her up no problem. It's awkward as my husband comes accross as being so jolly and friendly, but no one knows what a stubborm ba*rd he can be.
I really couldn't ask her to make her way to ours, as it's far too far away.

[UnfortunatelyMurderedMe]

Why doesnt he want to give her a lift, once, with 2 months notice?

[Twims]

if it's far to far away for her to make her own way to yours can see why dp/dh doesn't want to pick her up. Just say sorry.

[mummyloveslucy]

He just won't, Christmas is such a sacred time for him. He thinks it's bad enough that he has to take me.

[SharkyandGeorge]

6 miles isn't that far in a car, depending on roads about 10 minutes or something. Think your DH being a bit mean, but if he won't I wouldn't make up excuses for him just tell her that he can't be arsed to travel an extra few miles to help out your friend on Christmas day.

[ShinyPinkPumpkin]

Couldn't you strike a deal- he collects her to give her a lift IN and her hisband gives you a lift home the next morning so your hubby gets a lie-in?

Just an idea

[Geepers]

Your husband sounds like a miserable old scrooge. Tell your friend that you are sorry, but you are married to someone who puts himself before others, and while you would be happy to take her, he just wants what is easiest for himself, even at Christmas.

[mummyloveslucy]

Yes, if I tell him that I'm going to tell her the truth he'll probubly pick her up. I don't think he'll want people to know how stubborn he is.

[mummyloveslucy]

Geepers- Expecially at christmas !!, he turns in to a little boy. He absoluitly loves christmas, and wants to do exactly what he wants. I don't want to work on christmas, but there you go.

[Liffey]

MLL, I used to have this problem all the time, making excuses for my x, who was just as geepers describes (except, my x was abusive`as well).

Anyway, life is much easier now that I don't have to make excuses for anybody or present some idealised 'front' to the World.

I sympathise though. It's awkward. I was in millions of similar situations.

Looking back now, I discover that apparently everybody KNEW he was a controlling miserable git. They were just playing along with my versions to avoid embarrassing me.

So, I'd tell them the truth. Just say, I'm sorry colleague, my husband is a grumpy sod and he won't collect you. Because I can guarantee you, this is what will get back to the rest of your colleagues regardless of what you say. At least if you admit he's a grumpy sod, it takes the milage out of it as gossip.

[Liffey]

I have an 'excuse' for you though.

As he's staying in, he's going to invite a few friends over and they won't be getting drunk but they'll be drinking, so he says why don't the two of you share a taxi.

I was always having to wrack my brains to come up with stories to avoid showing my x up for the arse he really was.

[bloss]

Message withdrawn

[slayerette]

Why does she need a lift? Does she not drive either?

[Liffey]

PS, he knows this is extremely awkward for you and embarrassing too. He knows that, and he still won't drive 6 miles out of his way.

He sounds a real peach.

I'm not having a pop at you. You deserve better. I put up with a man who wouldn't give me a milimetre for so long. It really broke me down. He was an extreme case I know, btu there are so many people putting up with so much shit from their partners/husbands.

[DustyTv]

How about you drive and you pick your friend up? Would that work?

I still think it is viable to ask her to make it to your house then have a lift from there.

[DustyTv]

Just seen the post about you not driving, please disregard my last post

[bubblagirl]

thats a hard one as i would also ask someone for a lift if i knew they were going in so i didnt have to disturb dp for all you know her husband could be with his family and she cannot go due to working so may genuinly be stuck

but either way if your making your own way in then will be hard to lie unless you say you was going to ask for same favour as didnt know if your dh was going to be around but will have to let her know closer to the time and then you have few more weeks to work on dh to say yes

[mummyloveslucy]

No, I don't drive. I wish I did.
She does drive though come to think of it, so don't know why she needs a lift. (unless she's planning to have a few before she comes in.)

[beaniescreamyb]

Tell him it'll be bloody christmas and if he can't go out of his way to help a friend on christmas day, when can he!