Hi
My dh is Indian as well and I am white. Our ds is now 15 months old. Dh's family are in many ways not very traditional - we didn't have a big party when ds was born, but on one afternoon quite a few family members on dh's side, and also my parents and one friend, came over. They left at about 9.00pm which I thought was too late, but then I think people don't realise how vulnerable, touchy and fragile (and tired!) especially first-time mothers feel. I was glad we could have so many people over on the same day as it meant that they didn't all come in dribs and drabs and we "got it over with". It was ok - and I did go upstairs to breastfeed - the only person who intruded on that is dh's baby OBSESSED (but not half as nice to her now teenage children) elder sister who walks into roooms without knocking (and has done it since 3 or 4 times - thinking about it makes me angry) to see her nephew. Do you get on with your dh's family in general? Have you known them long? I understand the "brood mare" feeling a little, but if you forge your own relationship with them then that should go away a little. Dh's family are in many ways great - he has 5 brothers and sisters - the obsessive sister is a little hard to deal with at times and one of his brothers annoyed me after the birth by saying that ds's name was "not very Indian" (his surname is obviously Indian but his first name is European - both dh and I chose it together and we both like it a lot) to which I thought "yes, and neither am I in case you hadn't noticed"... He also looked at ds's hands which were quite a lot whiter than his face when he was born and said "you've got white hands, snap out of it..." which I found annoying (and still annoying now if I think about it)... A few weeks later when we went to see them he looked at ds and said to me "he looks like you", then turned to ds and said "snap out of it" again... These comments all really annoyed me but when I told dh about them he just said it's the kind of silly/stupid comment his brother would make.
My MIL (who in some moods I really like, she is more difficult if tired or moody) talks of the tradition of spending the first 4 weeks with your daughter when she has had a baby... She spent 10 days here after ds was born and at the end of it we unfortunately had a misunderstanding which upset us both - she had spoken to one of her sons (the rude one) about him coming to pick her up so I thought she was all set to go home. She then asked me if I wanted her to stay to help - in hindsight I should have been more diplomatic but I said that I had really appreciated her help, she had really reassured me and I wanted to see if dh and I could manage on our own. She got VERY upset and it was really quite horrible as I had simply answered her question. I think we are over that now but she obviously would have liked to have stayed longer. I on the other hand was feeling a little constrained by having people over (my parents were staying nearby and were there every day and also left after 10 days) - I was constantly going upstairs to breastfeed, and I also felt that my every move was being watched. Eg. once when ds was crying I went towards him and MIL tutted (not unkindly), I picked him up anyway, but it's this kind of thing which I found difficult. She made a couple of other comments which annoyed me - also, when we told her what name we had picked (she must have been in a bad mood that day) she told us to "take another week to think about it" - which we didn't - we went ahead with what we liked.
Sorry, this is turning into a mammoth posting, I obviously still have issues, either that or I bear grudges for a long time!
I also know a little of the feeling that the baby belongs to the entire family. I think in Indian culture it is much more like that, I feel a little of it with dh's family, but in other ways they are really quite relaxed and detached. My parents can also be overbearing but when it's your own family it's easier to deal with because you don't have to be so polite. Anyway, if you have read this far (!), I think the open house idea at your in-laws is really a good idea and as other people have said, you may enjoy it more than you think you will now. Whatever race people are, I think the changes in extended family dynamics when a baby is born are very big and I didn't find them easy to deal with (from both sides)... I am quite a jealous person and I think this is part of it. Over the first year of ds's life I felt that we saw A LOT of family (both sides), in the past I would have been at work but being at home all the time makes you feel somewhat trapped. The fact that they are not really there to see you makes it worse (though it's not quite as cut and dried as that as of course ds would not be there if it were not for both dh and I so we are part and parcel of the whole package, whether people like it or not). I am glad for ds that he has an extended family who are so affectionate. I had it and now it's his turn...
Though the child does belong more to the extended family in Indian culture, the mother figure is also held in great respect (maybe not so much the young inexperienced mother but certainly later on) I think so that is a plus point. I know it's not to our way of thinking (mine either as I am also quite private), but the belonging to the whole family thing is also nice for the kid as he/she gets all kind of input. His/her mother will always be number one though (at least until puberty anyway!)...
It sounds as if your dh is supportive of you... just stand your ground if anybody tells you you should be doing something different to what you believe in in terms of baby care...