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My surpise wedding plan, would you be offended?

(33 Posts)
scarymcclary Sat 25-Oct-08 21:18:10

I dread big weddings, my dp wants a big-do. Therefore we have put it off for the last 6years just simply because we cant agree (and money is also an issue). I dispise gift lists, i think they are very impersonal and vulgar. I hate the stress of being a guest, the finding something to wear and the typical after parties are too same old same old for my own personal tastes.
However i have a plan! Its something we actually both agree on and we think we are gonna go for it. Just want to run it past you lot to guage reactions.

Its dp`s 40th in march and im going to invite all our friends and family to a surprise birthday party for him, or so they will be led to believe. Everyone will be in informal smart casual clothes and the venue a local golf club. This venue is licenced for wedding ceremonies.
When the guests arrive they will be expecting to be jumping out on dp and basically the whole surprise bithday thing. But they will actually be there to see us get married instead!

We have agreed we will be telling his parents and mine the truth well in advance so they dont feel left out on the planning - but we will be insisting that its casual. We may also tell some of those who live a long way away otherwise they may choose not to come to a simple birthday party, but a wedding they would be more likely to attend. In total we would probobly only tell 10 people out of 200.

Big party after and light food and thats it!

I am even considering wearing jeans! Just for the unusualness of it - i love to be different!

What do you think? Would you be offended, upset or even angry that you had been hoaxed in this way?
Or do you think its an ace plan as i do?

PottyCock Sat 25-Oct-08 21:19:28

do it. just went to my friends wedding which had jeans and wellies dresscode. your guests will love it. smile

Libra1975 Sat 25-Oct-08 21:20:13

I think it sounds a lovely idea, I can't imagine anyone being upset/angry/offended by it (as you are telling the parents). The only thing I would be a little wary of is telling anyone apart from the parents - are you sure your friends will be able to keep the secret?

madrose Sat 25-Oct-08 21:20:35

I love the idea - go for it. people will be talking about it for years grin

Dioriffic Sat 25-Oct-08 21:20:44

Message withdrawn

scarymcclary Sat 25-Oct-08 21:21:52

I would only tell those that live away, like one of my sisters lives in canada for example. And so the risk of her telling anyone else would be minimal

pumpkinscantdancethetango Sat 25-Oct-08 21:21:57

go for it

mazzystartled Sat 25-Oct-08 21:22:28

very very fun

although i would still wear something special, not a trad dress, obv, because it is still your wedding day

what's not to love?

MrsGhost Sat 25-Oct-08 21:22:30

I think that is a really brilliant idea grin
The only problem I can see is people will bring him presents and might feel awkward about not bringing wedding presents. Unless your dp wants presents, I would state that your Presence is required not Presents.
Oh, and will the 10 be able to keep it a secret.

nigglewiggle Sat 25-Oct-08 21:23:32

I think it's a great idea! But, I agree about being very careful who you tell.

BroccoliSpears Sat 25-Oct-08 21:23:56

Good plan. DO it.

pinkspottywellies Sat 25-Oct-08 21:24:07

Wonderful idea! I also think you should be wary about telling anyone else - unless perhaps you get people from far away actually declining, who you would really like to be there. Hopefully they will try and make the effort for a 'big' birthday anyway!

Good luck smile

ShinyPinkPumpkin Sat 25-Oct-08 21:24:12

Great plan

LaDiDaDi Sat 25-Oct-08 21:24:18

Think it's a great idea!

I met a couple last Sunday who on the Saturday had been to a "naming ceremony" which turned out to also be a wedding for the couple. Like you they chose to tell the parents that it was a wedding too but no one else knew and they all had a fab surprise.

The only word of caution to your plan is be careful about the time that you can get married, there may be restrictions on this that could make it hard to disguise as a surprise bday party without a good cover story as to why everyone needs to be there at say 4pm though I don't know your specific circumstances/plans so this might be easier than I'm imagining.

Moomin Sat 25-Oct-08 21:24:35

My friend did this - gave a big party at their house for friends and family and a little way through they disappeared upstairs and came down in wedding gear. Outside was a double decker bus which took everyone away to the reg office, they got married then came back to finish the party. Went down a storm. Do it!

scarymcclary Sat 25-Oct-08 21:25:13

Good idea, will put on the invites no presents.

The 10 or so that would have to be told would be sworn to secrecy and prob wouldnt tell them the truth until totally necessary

scarymcclary Sat 25-Oct-08 21:27:28

I had considered time of day issues, and cant really come up with much other than, the children will be welcome (mine will definitely be there) and so by starting party early it can therefore fininsh at a reasonable time for those who want to leave.

cupcakesinthesnow Sat 25-Oct-08 21:27:48

Oh this is a brilliant idea!

You could be me Scarymcclary! I loathe weddings for the same reason. DP an I had been together for 18 years before we married in a secret ceremony this year. We had just 2 witnesses who were bound to secrecy and I also was going to wear jeans up until about 2 days before! It turned out to be a great day and I do not regret it one bit - even if parents may have been offended that is their problem as I simply could not have gone through with a big thing as it would have been if parents had known beforehand.

Your idea is excellent and one I would have considered (minus telling parents in our case!) had I thought about it.

Good luck for a great day/evening!

scarymcclary Sat 25-Oct-08 21:31:20

Yep, big dresses definitely arent me although i have considered a burlesque (but not sleezy) affair type dress.

I have even considered making it all fancy dress, but i can see that meaning that less people would come, would put me off.

BitOfFun Sat 25-Oct-08 21:34:12

Pure genius idea - only thing I would query is the jeans...pick something special, and it will be great! Good luck, fantastic plan!

scarymcclary Sat 25-Oct-08 21:37:13

Excellent reponses chaps smile

Im so gonna do this!

Its cheap and cheerful too, stress free and casual!

Im waiting for dp to decide on what he wants to wear really, ill go either way. If he wants the traditional ill do that.

saggyhairyarse Sat 25-Oct-08 21:38:58

Sounds like a great idea!

Only thing I would say is, how likely are your parents/others in the know likely to spill the beans?

My suggestion would be, don't tell them til a week or so before so they can't let the cat out of the bag.

My friend got married in jeans, it was very her, if you are sure you won't look back and wish you wore something else then jeans it is. Have a look around at other outfits/dresses to be sure though.

Congrats and good luck

tinto Sat 25-Oct-08 21:40:12

Hi,
I'm a civil celebrant down here in Oz and I performed a wedding ceremony just like the one you are suggesting. The couple said it was an engagement party and that they were getting married in Italy the next week - no family coming. Then, the bride went and changed and came back in her wedding dress. I introduced her (and myself!). Everyone was shocked, including the parents, who had no idea (cue mothers weeping). Went down really well - one of my more memorable weddings.

Kbear Sat 25-Oct-08 21:40:23

GREAT IDEA but not the jeans - you will probably regret that you didn't posh up a bit!!

What time do you want us? grin

scarymcclary Sat 25-Oct-08 21:43:27

Ha ha!
Ok lots of you saying bout the jeans.
Nothing is set in stone yet so ill probobly have a look around and see what i like. Its the cost also thats a big factor in the clothing i wear, i just simply cant afford a big dress. And of course im not that type of person.
Ill see what dp decides and go with that.

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