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Question to all SAHM's

(47 Posts)
emkana Sun 06-Mar-05 19:35:48

Or several questions really.
How long have you been at home for? How long are you planning to stay at home? How do you feel about going back to work one day? Do you regret your decision to stay at home? Would you consider staying at home when all children are in full-time education?

I've been at home for nearly four years now. Four years! Can't quite believe it. Dd1 is nearly four (somehow obviously?) and dd2 is 19 months. Have no intention to go back until all children are at full-time school, and am hoping to have another baby some time next year. I feel terrified and sad at the thought of going back to work one day - yes, I am that pathetic creature who sees having another child partly as a welcome excuse to stay at home a bit longer. I have never regretted my decision to stay at home for one second - I love being a SAHM, really really love it. Best thing I've ever done. (Was a teacher before.) Sometimes I do wonder what the future will bring - can't imagine being at home all the time as the children grow older, but then who is going to employ me? And of course I'd want to work term-time only, preferably being able to pick the kids up from school, while earning £16 an hour... dream on!

Anyway, would be interested in everybody's thoughts/experiences!

debs26 Sun 06-Mar-05 19:41:47

i am sooo jealous. i am sahm just now but am part way thru doing a degree at uni and dont feel i can put it off for more than a few months (found out i was pregnant the week before i started - duh). did 1st year pregnant and with two kids, went back part time last oct, wimped out this jan, am going back in oct. think it would be lovely to stay with baby full time and be happy, but i am feeling dreadful about leaving him and yet bored stiff at home. totally torn, wish i was as clued up as you. someone pass me the vodka....

emkana Sun 06-Mar-05 19:42:46

Sorry to hear that debs26... hope things will work out for you!

pleaserewind Sun 06-Mar-05 19:47:16

I have been a sahm for the past 9 years! Both sons are at school now and i would like to work but cannot find anything fitting in with school hours and have no childcare during school hols ( and don't want to send them to a childminder or whatever) I have thought of working in a school but unless it was a good few hours (more than dinnerlady job) i wouldn't be much better off as the tax credits would drop.
I do feel quite guilty at times that i don't work but at least i am always here for my sons

debs26 Sun 06-Mar-05 19:47:38

things always come right in the end, i should count myself lucky for all the good stuff. its lovely to hear from someone who is a happy sahm, makes me feel better about being at home myself as i never know what i ought to be doing for the best, mums are expected to do everything nowadays arent they?

WestCountryLass Sun 06-Mar-05 19:49:49

How long have you been at home for? DS is 3.5, so 3.5 years

How long are you planning to stay at home? As long as I can wangle it without being bored

How do you feel about going back to work one day? The thought of going back to work now, fills me with horror, my DD is nearly 8 months so it's the thought of having to leave her which freaks me out. I am not work shy, for most of my work history I have held down 2-3 jobs on the go, but so long as we can continue to afford it I will be at home whilst the kids are young. Like you, I would like another but not until my DD is 2.

Do you regret your decision to stay at home? No, not at all! My DH is self employed and works away a lot so I am their constant. DH is self empoyed and works his butt off so I can stay at home and the kids can do lots of activities so we have had a fantastic experience.

Would you consider staying at home when all children are in full-time education? No, probably not. Once they are in school fulltime I will either retrain or get a part time job in school hours.

stripey Sun 06-Mar-05 19:51:00

I too am a SAHM and I think it is coming up to 5 years since I worked (I couldn't imagine having to go to work each day and put dss in nursery even though dh has a creche at work).

I can honestly say some days I hate it but mostly I love it. Just drives me crazy sometimes having no time to myself. Still ds1 will start Reception in Sept and ds2 should have an am place at playgroup and I am not sure what I will do with myself. Maybe catch up on all the housework I never seem to get done?

I think one of the reasons I decided to have children when I did was so I wouldn't have to go to work each day anymore. So I can relate to your situation emkana (I think).

mckenzie Sun 06-Mar-05 19:53:07

I've been a sahm for 3 and a half years (having previous worked in quite a pressurised financial role) and I love being at home. I'm not sure if I would love it quite so much if I didn't have great support from both my mum and my Mil (it means I get time to be 'me' sometimes rather than always being 'mum'). I envisage getting work of some sort once both my children are at school but not sure what work that might be. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

I have no regrets whatsoever about giving up my well paid career (I was beginning to feel fed up with it before getting pregnant). I love what I do now, especially in the summer!!

Newbarnsleygirl Sun 06-Mar-05 19:54:24

I have been a SAHM for 17 months now. I actually finished work when I was 28 weeks pg as well.
I decided not to return to work after my additional mat leave was up and Dh said he would prefer me to stay at home with dd.
We've agreed that I will get a job when she goes to school but we are also planning to have another baby when she's 3/4 so really it's probably going to be another decade before I go back to work. Lol!

I have to say when dd was about 4 months old I went a bit crazy as I don't drive and really wanted to get a job just so I could get out the house.
Luckily the job I do have is sessional and I can work whenever I want and do as much as I want. I'll earn £100 for that 1 day so it's worthwhile IMO. I have also registered to work as a mystery shopper with 3 companys so that gets me out sometimes.

As much as I complain about being stuck in all day, I am very lucky and I know when dd is older I will be glad of the time I spent with her.

WideWebWitch Sun 06-Mar-05 20:02:59

I was a sahm for 4 odd years with ds, who is now 7 and then had a dd 15 mos ago and went to work oth when she was 4months old - dp was a sahd with her up until a month ago when my contract ended and he went back to work oth. I loved being back at work, really loved it. I don't particularly love what I do, I just love being out of the house tbh! And I like the money (I earn a lot more than dp). I love my children, I just didn't/don't particularly want to be a sahm any more. Having said that dp got work before I did so I'm now at home again until I get something, then he'll be a sahd again. I don't regret the 4 years at home, not at all but I am looking forward to the next contract/perm job.

Enid Sun 06-Mar-05 20:06:29

sounds lovely that you enjoy it emkana - I did it for about four years and tried to like it but I can't believe how much happier I am now back at work - it doesn't help that I live in a very rural area and just couldn't meet anyone that I really clicked with as a SAHM, I have met loads of cool people since I have been working.

I tried coffee mornings but talking about Boden and Mark Warner just made me want to slit my wrists quite frankly

trefusis Sun 06-Mar-05 20:08:03

Message withdrawn

emkana Sun 06-Mar-05 20:11:44

I'm sure I wouldn't enjoy it as much if I hadn't been so lucky and made some good friends quite early on - that way we have plenty of meet-ups with other mums and children. Couldn't bear it to actually be at home all the time!
That's why I always think that "who rules the roost" is quite unrealistic - the parents there stay at home and have no routine, nowhere to go to at all - no wonder they often end up hating it!

Enid Sun 06-Mar-05 20:14:45

I think if I had been a SAHM in London (where most of my friends were) I would have enjoyed it more. I do think it is quite lovely to stay at home with your kids and do all the boring day to day things with them.

It is lovely being a SAHM when they start school too as it is particularly nice picking them up (I only work p/time so still manage this).

purpleturtle Sun 06-Mar-05 20:15:57

I realised this week that it's exactly 4 years since I stopped work. Contrary to all my expectations I really enjoy being a SAHM. Dd is almost 4, so is at nursery for 5 sessions a week, and 2 weeks ago ds started at the same nursery for 1 session. I spend 2 of my 2.5 childfree hours in an office, voluntarily dispensing my organisational/administrative/bossyboots/nosing into everything skills. Heaven!
And the best bit is that because I'm not paid, they can't make me do anything I don't want to, and when it's school holidays, or a child is ill, I don't have any qualms about not going in. Maybe when all my children are at school, I'll try and persuade them to employ me again... (but I'm going to have a 3rd before that happens )

logic Sun 06-Mar-05 20:16:39

I've been a sahm for 2 + 1/2 years. I'm having another baby in May so I intend to stay a SAHM until the new baby is about 2 ish then find some sort of work to do. I used to work full-time in IT but I don't really want to go back to that. Very good money but not child-friendly. I will probably go contract and work from home. Do I regret staying at home? No - it's best for our children at this point in time and I would hate to miss the milestones, they grow up so fast.

Mud Sun 06-Mar-05 20:16:49

How long have you been at home for?

2.5 years

How long are you planning to stay at home?

at least another 4 years (which would have all in primary) but possibly till all in secondary school

How do you feel about going back to work one day?

Not particularly bothered, though am considering re-training

Do you regret your decision to stay at home?

Not for a minute

Would you consider staying at home when all children are in full-time education?

Yes, because I cannot really see how you can be around during holidays, when school day ends, for sickness when in a full-time job without some form of outside childcare

janeybops Sun 06-Mar-05 20:17:18

I am interested to see so many of you love being a SAHM. Also interested to see that no one has posted to say that they don't particularly like it and are dying to go back to work!

SeaShells Sun 06-Mar-05 20:17:43

I've been a SAHM for almost 7 years, I plan to go to college in sept then onto uni the following year then onto a hopefully good career, I can't wait to get out and live my own life, although I have never regretted being a SAHM, and I do love it, I left work very young to have children (18) so I think it feels as though I need to get out and do something now as I would love to work, as I feel like it's something I missed out on, I'm also massively interested in the career I want to go into, I don't think I would be keen on just taking a job for the sake of it, or for financial reasons IYKWIM,I don't know if that makes any sense but there you go!

purpleturtle Sun 06-Mar-05 20:18:23

Emkana - the other reason that "who rules the roost" is unrealistic is that it never gives parents the opportunity to work as a partnership. Him doing all of the parenting and housework while she does nothing in the home, and vice versa, is not the way that most happy families function IMHO. It's a system designed to breed resentment. Most of us share responsibilities where practical, don't we?

rogan2001 Sun 06-Mar-05 20:20:20

I've been a SAHM for 3 and half years now, and i love it, i love being with my son and doing kiddy things and watching the tweenies and playing in the park. When my son goes to school i'm not really looking forward to going back to work, but if i must, i will try to get a job in a nursery or something with pre school children, cus i love spending time with this age group children, they are so much fun. I don't really miss adult company, I think i'm reverting back to my childhood myself. lol

Enid Sun 06-Mar-05 20:20:43

janeybops - I couldn't do it full time (SAHM). If I ever had another baby I would definitely return to part time work. But I think I've worked out a nice mix for myself and family.

emkana Sun 06-Mar-05 20:21:14

I agree, purpleturtle.
And they always seem to be ridiculously obsessed with housework, which I'm certainly not!

My job is being with the children first and foremost.

Posey Sun 06-Mar-05 20:22:17

I've more or less been a SAHM for 8 years. Dd is coming up for 8 now. When she started school full time, I worked 3 morning sessions in her old playgroup. Did this for a year until ds came along. I love being at home with them. The ideal thing about the playgroup job was that it fitted in with school. If dd had inset days she just came with me. If she had an assembly I could swap a day with one of the others (we were all mums so there was los of understanding)
I don't think I could never not work again. I think I'd be bored once they were both at school, but whatever job I might do would always come second to my kids. The thought of missing school performances etc is really sad, to me.
BTW I have never once missed my old career or wished I'd not given it up, despite doing 3 years training and 7 years on the job. I really loved it when I was there but when I had my dd it was as if I'd changed careers. I never ever regretted my decision. I think with me I am an all-or-nothing kind of person and am not good at spreading myself too thinly. The thought of trying to juggle home, family and job makes me feel quite anxious and I am full of admiration for those that can do it.

janeybops Sun 06-Mar-05 20:27:55

Enid - I agree. TBH when I had my first, it was such a shock, I was really looking forward to 'getting back to normal' and went back full time.

However this has proved to be too much stress after ds arrived so now work part time and love it. The best of both worlds IMO!! It suits us all and the kids love their days with the childminder.

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