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SAHM: what do you do with the day when dcs are at school or nursery ?

(18 Posts)
frecklyspeckly Mon 13-Oct-08 22:10:01

My younger one has just started nursery 5 mornings a week and ds is at school. I seem to be losing contact with friends whose own kids are younger and feeling rather cut off.I dont mean we are not getting on but we are growing apart - e.g. they still all go to mum and toddler groups and obviously now kids are 'off my hands' a lot I dont. I know it's rather lame but my life for the past 6 years has been absorbed by being with them all the time. And having a social life through them. I thought I would enjoy this time but instead all I do is clock watch and housework and life feels so empty. I do work, btw - weekends and evenings as DH has odd working pattern I dont yet work in the week so I can fit in school and nursery pick ups- am rather stuck as no family nearby to help if childcare falls through. Today I did some cooking, some mending of curtains (VERY 1950's housewife) and god it feels so lonely and futile and dull. Please give me some helpful tips. It is sort out the kitchen cupboards tomorrow. I cant stand it. I need to start to get a life beyond my dc's.

handlemecarefully Mon 13-Oct-08 22:18:35

Youngest joined Reception this September - atm I am trying to stall re returning to work!

It would be very easy indeed to get sucked into domestic drudgery and having the most immaculate house in Christendom - but that would be a miserable existence. Please don't go mending any more curtains and leave the kitchen cupboards alone!

My 'activities' include:
*running 5 miles (every other morning) - takes about an hour. I run with another school mum so it is social as well as energising
*walking the dogs - again, takes an hour or so (and again I try and team up with other dog owning SAHMs)
* Studying on average 2.5 hours per day (I really love that part - using the old grey matter). I am doing an OU history degree. I already have a degree in another subject and a Masters and this degree is in no way vocational, but it is something just for my own satisfaction
*half an hour per day sorting the chickens
*rest of time some (but not too much) housework and cooking, plus coffee with friends once or twice per week

- so a lot of that brings me into contact with other people / or is outdoors / or involves mental stimulation. I would shoot myself if I didn't have some structure and simply found things to do around the house.....

sfxmum Mon 13-Oct-08 22:20:36

dd only goes 2 mornings now so I run and study mostly

Tommy Mon 13-Oct-08 22:23:39

I like inviting people round for coffee - other mums from school etc grin

Cathpot Mon 13-Oct-08 22:27:01

Its funny, at the moment with two under 4 I am gently dreaming of a time when I have some completely child free hours to do 'stuff' and have warned DH that I want at least 6 months of just kicking back before I go out and get a job. In reality I doubt I will get the chance and I can imagine it does get very isolating very quickly. I would try and think of a project of some sort for you and you only (like hmc's degree, or fitness) is there anything you have always wanted to do but had no time, I mean anything, learning to sail, tap dance flower arrange, pole vault? Keep in touch with the mums by having them and little ones round to yours every now and then. Vounteer somewhere? You sounds a bit sad about it at the moment and it is a big adjustment but it could actually, should actually, be fun! Hope you find something.

IotasCat Mon 13-Oct-08 22:28:04

go shopping - so much nice browsing without small children in tow

get your hair done

meet friends

indulge in a hobby

read books

drink loads of coffee with friends

enjoy yourself

frecklyspeckly Mon 13-Oct-08 22:29:05

Thankyou - feeling very sorry for myself tonight - I would love to do an ou course, go swimming, help out doing something voluntary. I just need to get sorted out. I know this problem is nothing compared to some of the things people post on MN. Jackie (bonkbuster) Collins on Womans Hour today saying women should do something for themselves because sooner or later kids dont need you. Struck a chord.

handlemecarefully Mon 13-Oct-08 22:29:10

Amen to that!

handlemecarefully Mon 13-Oct-08 22:29:51

(I meant Iota's list)

IotasCat Mon 13-Oct-08 22:31:41

smile HMC

note that I didn't mention going to the gym as that's far too much like hard work

goblinvalley Mon 13-Oct-08 22:33:21

I know exactly how you feel, it was me last year smile

Now, i volunteer at my ds's school a couple of days a week (love it) and fit lots of other activities around it. Strangely, having a fixed date in the week makes me appreciate the free time that i do have grin

Making the first decision is the hardest - get that one sorted and the rest will follow. Good luck.

frecklyspeckly Mon 13-Oct-08 22:34:23

Hey - I have had an epiphany!!(sic - apologies to all religious MNetters)

I shall write a Bonkbuster!!! grin grin

handlemecarefully Mon 13-Oct-08 22:41:45


frecklyspeckly Mon 13-Oct-08 22:44:52

And I shall post the first chapter in the Creative Writing topic for you good ladies to read!!

trefusis Tue 14-Oct-08 23:25:31

Message withdrawn

EstherGreenwood Tue 14-Oct-08 23:30:53

Gym (3x a week)
Coffee with friends
Volunteer at school (help out with reading one morning a week)
Help with PTA (currently organising Christmas Bazaar)

Heck I need more time
Am run ragged

Overmydeadbody Tue 14-Oct-08 23:32:50

Surely you don't need to ask that question!

The answer is simple: They MN grin

paddingtonbear1 Tue 14-Oct-08 23:33:54

not a SAHM but I do have every Friday off. do various things - meet friends, go cycling, do shopping/chores (not all on the same day)!

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