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I get unbelievably scared on my own at night when dh isn't here

(36 Posts)
Haylstones Thu 25-Sep-08 10:59:25

In the cold light of day I know it's ridiculous but dh has to work away quite often and I'm getting increasingly freaked out at night.
I imagine I can hear and see things and my bed is right next to the door; I have to keep it open a bit in case dd needs me during the night and am convinced there are things out there sad. Ds still shares our room and I hope across the floor to get him when he wakes up because I'm soo scared there will be someone/ something under my bed.
Last night there really were noises because ds's bedroom door was ajar and a draught was making it move backwards and forwards. I was lying in bed calling out to dd because I thought it was her but there was no answer (obviously) and I then had to get up to check it out and was seriously scared until I managed to get all the lights on.
I also spent about an hour lying in bed with my eyes tightly closed imagining all the ways someobody could get into the house and convincing myself I'd left the door unlocked.

I'm nearly 30, responsible and normally rational person so what is going on?! I'm absolutely fine until bed time when the panic kicks in. I don't know if I'm more afraid of the real threats (burglars etc) or the imaginary ones(Ghosts [shudder])
Dh is due home tomorrow but will be away again some nights next week sad. He would just quite reasonably) laugh if I told him this.
ANy advice?

Haylstones Thu 25-Sep-08 11:00:18

Hop across the floor, not hope (although I am hoping something won't 'get' me) grin

MadameCastafiore Thu 25-Sep-08 11:07:21

You need to rimg ADT and get them to come and fit an alarm and give you a panic button - DH did for me when we moved into this house because it is sooo old and not as secure as our other newer house.

Mind you had guy round to fix alarm one night when it kept going off on its own and he was a medium/psychic person and he told me my bedroom had a 'presence' in - so he really defeated the object! Was after midnoght when he left and told me next door but one was also haunted!

PinkTulips Thu 25-Sep-08 11:12:30

i have this.

even when dp is in the house if i'm alone in the dark i freak out.

he once had to come rescue me when dd was tiny as i was feeding her in the bedroom with no lights and got so scared that there was someone behind me that i couldn't move. thankfully the baby monitor was on and he was home to come get me but it's bloody stupid!

the worst thing is dd gets night terrors where she 'sees' things in the room and gets hysterical in her sleep. not something i can deal with very well when i'm as pertified as she is.

Haylstones Thu 25-Sep-08 11:14:15

There's no way dh would agree to an alarm and tbh it's the unrealfears that bother me more. I confessed to my sister and said I had a fear of seeing 2 red eyes in the darkness and she admitted the same except it's a white face; now my fear is a white face wth red eyes shock.
I'd never want to sleep in my room if someone told me that.
This is a detached house and although next door is pretty close they're away for 2 weeks, which isn't helping

sb6699 Thu 25-Sep-08 11:17:20

I was like this when dh first started working away - but it gradually faded away to nothing.

Have you tried plug in night-lights so the place isn't so dark - you could always tell dh they're for the kids.

Buda Thu 25-Sep-08 11:17:30

Why on earth would your DH not agree to an alarm??? We have had 2 attempted break ins in last 6 months. Both times alarm went off.

Haylstones Thu 25-Sep-08 11:21:16

Dh wouldn't agree because he wouldn't think (and in daylight I agree) there was a real need. Plus it's an expense we could do without
I have a couple of night lights so might try that tonight. It just feels so ridiculous blush

Buda Thu 25-Sep-08 11:51:18

Why is it not a real need? Lots of houses get broken into. Don't want to scare you more by the way but an alarm is a sensible thing to have - esp if you are on your own a lot.

Failing that - what about a dog?

And it isn't silly to be scared when on your own. I get nervous too when DH is away.

How about seeing if your local police do a home security check? I think some areas do. They come out and check out how secure your house is.

nervousal Thu 25-Sep-08 11:56:17

I'm like this too - completely irrational in cold light of day. I also check and double check all doors/windows are locked. Knowing that we have an alarm etc doesn't help - as the fear itself isn't rational. Irrational things help - like making sure I go to bed in jammies so if I do need to run out of the house quickly I'm not doing do naked, and keeping my deoderant beside the bed to squirt saod robbers if they get too close.....

purpleduck Thu 25-Sep-08 12:27:05

I don't like it when dh goes away either
I usually leave the bathroom light on, stay up late so that I fall asleep asap, and I make the dogs sleep with me...they don't mind though grin

LazyLinePainterJane Thu 25-Sep-08 12:33:48

I am like this as well, DH is working away 5 days and nights away a week at the moment and I am seriously freaked out at night. This is despite having neighbours very close, living in a very safe area AND having a dog that would bark if there was someone else in the house, so don't assume that any safety measures will help you as I think the fear is irrational. For me it is people being in the house, even though the dog would tell me.

I have the television on to fall asleep, on quiet but the light makes me feel better, I usually wake up groggy to turn it off and am then tired enough to get back to sleep without being scared, IYSWIM.

I don't know what to say, I have acquired a new level of tiredness while he is away, I just don't sleep well.

Olipop Thu 25-Sep-08 12:39:26

I am EXACTLY the same....a generally sensible 31 year old with a terrible fear of ghosties and ghouls and burglars and all manner of silly things! I also get scared going to see to DS in the night especially when he has nightmares and even more so since we discovered that his bedroom has a blocked up cellar underneath it. When he told me that he was ' a bit scared of the man' I nearly ran away and left him to deal with it on his own! I think he was just talking generally but I am so irrational when it comes to any hint of a haunt!
I can joke about it on here but it can be a real issue so I totally understand where you are coming from xx

VickyPea Thu 25-Sep-08 12:45:52

I am exactly the same and I am 38 ! I don't worry about the unkown though, just whether someone is hanging about in my garden about to break in and murder us in our beds !! (nice).

Just remember that Peter Kay advert where he tells his daughter on the phone "its not the monsters in the wardrobe you want to me scared of, its the burglars that break in through the windows"!

Sorry but I don't have advice, just sympathy.

MrsSnorty Thu 25-Sep-08 13:00:16

I'm the same and I'm single. However, I live in a terraced house so am (slightly) reassured that if something happened my neighbours would hear. Would you consider getting a dog? Or otherwise, I would agree with an alarm - nothing's worth missing sleep over. I barricade myself in everynight by jamming the pushchair against the front door. Completely illogical and haven't admitted this to anyone in RL!

lonelymom Thu 25-Sep-08 13:05:26

Thank god I am not the only one. My DH used to work nights (for 5 yrs) and I never got over my fear (phobia?). When I went to bed (usually in the wee small hours), I would carry all 3 DCs into my (extra large kingsize) bed so I could lock my bedroom door and then put the ironing board in front of it!! I even called the police once as I was convinced that I heard someone trying to get into a window (very windy night)and they came in two cars with police dogs blush(obviously not a busy night for them!).

Can't give any advice really as I think I tried everything (anti anxiety pills, going to bed really early - I used to get the heebie jeebies from around midnight but I'd still wake up in the small hours).

The only thing that really used to help me get to sleep was having a nice fantasy (not about sex cos you're on your own!) like winning the lottery and working out how I'd spend it or losing my excess weight and thinking of all the clothes I'd buy!!

masalachameleon Thu 25-Sep-08 13:07:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LoveMyGirls Thu 25-Sep-08 13:26:16

I used to sleep with a knife under my bed it's only now I'm older I think that would probably have done more harm as my attacker could take the knife and use it on me.

I hate watching crimewatch (dp loves it!)

I don't watch horrors

I sleep with the bathroom light and tv on

And this is with dp in the house, all windows double glazed, 5 bar lock on patio door and a few locks on the front door.

murphyslaw Thu 25-Sep-08 13:46:39

I hate DH being away too. We back on to a forest and I imagine all kinds of things. We do have an alarm with a panic button which reassures me a little.

I do sleep with my bedside light on and the landing light on too!

Haylstones Thu 25-Sep-08 13:58:10

This has made me feel less embarrassed, thank you! The worst part for me is that ds sleeps in our room so I can't have the TV or light on because he'll wake up even more than normal. I keep thinking I should bring dd into our huge bed because then we could barricade ourselves in should anything happen (ok, every night) but I don't because I normally end up cosleeping with 7mo ds (don't think this ouwld be too safe with a 4yo in there too)and she still occasionally wets the bed.
It really is the fear of the unknown tbh. Nobody could fit in our living room windows and the only other way is through the front door (unlikely I hope) or through patio doors, kitchen window or back door so I almost reassure myself that it would be prety hard to get in. We have a 6ft gate at the side that locks at the back although I realise that people could climb over it if they were desperate.
Getting a dog isn't an option sad.
Does anybody else take their mobile to bed in case they are broken into and they cut the phone lines [irrational]

LongDroopyBoobyLady Thu 25-Sep-08 14:08:06

I take my mobile to bed with me and also "rotate" the DCs to sleep in my bed when DH is away. I have found that a glass of wine helps me nod off a little more easily but am awake at any noise.

I have a dog who sleeps in the kitchen and have to say it's more unsettling having him around as he's just as scared as me at night. He barks at the least little thing!

LazyLinePainterJane Thu 25-Sep-08 14:17:27

I think that all you can do is make it easier to get to sleep. A glass of wine, going to bed a bit later, something to make you sleepier, I find watching or reading something funny and lightweight before bed helps.

Haylstones Thu 25-Sep-08 14:23:57

No problems with being sleepy enough, I usually fall asleep almost immediately thanks to my frequent waker of a ds. It's in the short while before falling asleep and when he wakes me up that are the worst. I love it when he wakes up and daylight is coming in the window cos I can see there's nothing scary smile

superjump Thu 25-Sep-08 14:26:46

Hi Haylstones
I usually just lurk but felt moved to make my first post in reply to this. I too used to suffer from lots of anxiety about sleeping alone when I was in my 20's (ancient age of 35 now). Similar to you - listening out for noises, thinking of ways people could break in, afraid of ghosts, burglars, rapists, you name it. For me the anxiety got so bad that I would end up having to get up, lock myself in the bathroom (where I knew no one could break in) & run myself a hot bath to sit in for as long as possible. Seems to me your problem could get worse if you dont find a way that works for you to put a lid on things.
Looking back, I was frightened about the way my life was going in general & the anxiety was finding a way to come out because I kept it so well hidden during the day. Do you think the same could be true for you? When I addressed the underlying issues, got lots of exercise during the day to tire myself out, & was able to tell myself repeatedly that my fears were irrational, I was able to move on (mostly! - I know it's possible to be robbed, but lying in bed every night thinking it's about to happen is not normal, you are more than likely never to go through this, so it's not mad to tell yourself it's an irrational fear IMO)
sorry so long - hope this makes sense, my nearly 3 year old is trying to 'sell' me some eggs as I type....
BTW not trying to suggest you have major anxiety issues, hope I havent caused offence, just some of this rang a bell!

superjump Thu 25-Sep-08 14:53:39

oh dear first post & I killed the thread....

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