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Would you ever move back home to your parents once you have independance?

(13 Posts)
tammybear Sun 27-Feb-05 12:01:08

Ive been thinking about it for a while. I currently rent a house, have been living here 2 years now. I do love this house, and I love it just being me and dd. I do love my family, but we're not particularly close, and usually when I go round my mum's house, it just drives me crazy, cos the family dog just drives me up the wall, and my mum does things different to how I do them. My sister has taken over my room, but pratically lives with her fiance anyway so Id probably beable to get my room back and just move her stuff out or something. But would it be really difficult to move back home after being on my own so long?

Im afraid dd will just get use to the rest of my family about all the time, and my mum be taking over, and I will become lazy and not be as good a mum that I can be. But at the moment, Im thinking of the future, and was reading cornfield's thread about if anyone got help with saving for a deposit for a house. This is the only way I can see myself saving enough money for a place for the future, without having to worry about everything else I spend money on like rent and bills. Has anyone moved back home after moving out, and how did you find it? xxx

NomDePlume Sun 27-Feb-05 12:05:11

I wouldn't, personally. Not least because my Mum would drive me potty, but because she lives 1h 45m away just outside a very provincial rural town. I grew up there and HATE it, everyone knows everyone (in a not very nice way) and there is a big culture of drinking, fighting & drugs on a saturday night . The thought of raising my DD there fills me with cold horror.

OTOH - If it was something that I had to do short term in order to be able to make the future more secure in the long term then I would probably have to try it.

pixiefish Sun 27-Feb-05 12:26:32

Personally I wouldn't do it. I did ry for a while when I was 25 - pre-dd. I was hoping to get some money together to buy a house. The strain on both of us just wasn't worth it. I ws still her baby. With dd I definetly couldn't go home- there's be far too much conflict

snafu Sun 27-Feb-05 12:33:16

I have done it - in fact I'm doing it right now. When xh and I split it made sense for me to move back in.

It is tough in lots of ways, though. I get on well with my family really and they are brilliant with ds too, but I crave my independence. I don't have a problem fitting in with 'family life' again as we've always been close, but my mum is ill so that makes things hard, as well as the usual 'we always did it this way', 'hmmm, are you sure ds should be doing that?' etc etc etc stuff which drives me up the wall on a daily (hourly!) basis.

Financially, it is a godsend. But emotionally, I don't know. If you know it's only in the short-term, it'[s probably worth it - just don't let it drag on too long and try to maintain your life 'outside' as far as you can.

Smurfgirl Sun 27-Feb-05 16:21:00

Debated this for next (academic) year. Decided against, too much stress, not enough freedom. Although the money thing would be uber. Honestly I would rather be in debt.

However I can understand why you would do it, and I am sure it would not be awful, just a shock to the system at first.

NomDePlume Sun 27-Feb-05 19:10:03

I think you'd also have to really strict with yourself when it comes to actually outting money away for your new start. I can imagine that it'd be quite easy to fall into the low rent & more free cash to spend on whatever you want, and actually forget to put money by, or not put a big enough % by.

ZoeB Sun 27-Feb-05 19:20:46

one word....NO...would drive me mental love mum loads but a week is enough and then we start peeing each other off over silly things been on my own too long.

nightowl Mon 28-Feb-05 03:28:49

i just couldnt. no way. i get on really well with my mum but when im at her house she drives me insane with her constant nagging and interfering. she makes stupid demands about things im obviously going to do anyway..example. soon as dd finished eating (and i mean the second she puts the last bit of food in her mouth) its "wipe that baby's face" or "quick, get her a drink". like im not going to do it! she stayed here for two weeks when i had dd by c section and i could have cried. she was trying to help but actually making a lot of mess that i couldnt tidy up! i could never move back in!

tigermoth Mon 28-Feb-05 07:07:07

Not sure, and can't advise you as I never did this, but I can offer another perspective.

My parents are both dead and there is no family left in my home town (Cambridge). When I left home for London, in my early 20s, I never saw it as a final thing. I assumed at some point in my life, I might live at home again for a while. As it happened I didn't. I really enjoyed my independence. I had my first son in my 30s and my second son in my 40s. First my father died, then my mother. I suddenly had no other home to go to and I was surprised how much that upset me. For me, that phrase 'you never know what you've got till it's gone' really rang true.

I don't know what I'd do in your situation, and I would have felt very hemmed in going back to live with my parents, but bear in mind that you may not have many opportunites in your life to move back home.


Good luck with your decision.

wobblyknicks Mon 28-Feb-05 07:58:52

tb - it's exactly what I'm doing atm, meant to be for just a couple of months after I left UH but am still here over a year later. It's basically a huge trade-off, I can pay off some of my debts and I've been able to be a SAHM for as long as I wanted. BUT there have been huge arguments, I've lost a huge amount of independence and it can be very claustrophobic. It can be really easy for your parents to try and take over and you have to be able to put your foot down.

But it does get on your nerves after a while, which is why I'm trying to go back to work asap, but like you I'm going to have to decide between staying longer and clearing off my debts and/or getting some savings or get out as soon as I can.

Having more money will probably make life a lot easier for you but you have to seriously think about whether that's worth the downsides. But if getting a deposit will make life permanently easier in the future it might be worth it.

HappyDaddy Mon 28-Feb-05 08:14:49

I couldnt live with my family, we'd drive each other mad. If I absolutely had to, of course, I would.

JoolsToo Mon 28-Feb-05 08:20:50

I'd say unless there's absolutely no alternative - then No

but never say never

bonym Mon 28-Feb-05 12:23:13

I moved back to my parents' house for 6 months when I split up from dd's father. It wasn't easy but we managed to jog along together ok most of the time. I felt I didn't have many options at the time, and it enabled me to save enough for a deposit on my own home (xh & I had beeen renting). I think it really does depend on the relationship you have with them - if you're not particularly close then it could be very difficult. I am lucky in that I've always had a close relationship with both my parents - even though my mum does drive me potty sometimes!

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