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Has anyone dealt with looking after elderly parents? Is there any one place I can go to to get all the advice I need about which agencies to contact?

(22 Posts)
WideWebWitch Tue 23-Sep-08 10:21:42

MIL and FIL are very likely moving to be nearer to us soon.

She can't walk and has a hoist and other equipment. Where do I start with who to speak to to get help for them?

The Council?
Age concern?

How do I arrange meals on wheels? Do meals on wheels even exist any more?
What about home helps? Do they exist? How do I get them one?

What about respite care for FIL?

I have no idea where to start and am feeling quite panicky about it all. TIA for any advice.

IamRiallyindisguise Tue 23-Sep-08 11:06:04

try your HV, if she can't advise herself she should know who to point you towards. I got lots of advice from mine when my DM was fully caring for her mum.

hth.

policywonk Tue 23-Sep-08 11:11:10

Citizens Advice Bureau.

GooseyLoosey Tue 23-Sep-08 11:11:17

Where we live, the local council will sort meals on wheels for you. I have to say finding support for my elderly disabled father was a nightmare when he moved near us. I arranged a cleaner and meals on wheels and for other shopping to be delivered but this did not sort things like washing, cutting toe nails etc. In the end, I asked around the place where I live and the warden of the local sheltered accommodation to get any recommendations for carers. I have found a fabulous but unqualified carer - I cannot say enough good things about the woman - but it was all through unofficial channels - the council would not help at all.

WideWebWitch Tue 23-Sep-08 12:15:00

Thank you all, I will try the CAB and my HV (don't know who she is but actually, maybe emailing my surgery will help?).

GrapefruitMoon Tue 23-Sep-08 12:17:19

There is a Carer's topic in "Other Stuff" - might be some supportive threads there?

WideWebWitch Tue 23-Sep-08 12:43:25

Thank you GFM, have just looked in that topic and omg, it's a whole new world of people all worrying about similar things, have posted there as well.

jalopy Tue 23-Sep-08 13:55:36

I believe the GP has to be involved in terms of making referrals/assessments to social services, district nurse, etc.

I could be wrong but I'm sure this is the case.

WideWebWitch Tue 23-Sep-08 14:27:00

Thank you Jalopy, I wll contact the GP.

palaver Tue 23-Sep-08 17:48:51

I'm not sure how big an area these people cover, but they might be able to give you some advice on where to get help.

WideWebWitch Wed 24-Sep-08 07:24:57

Thank you Palaver, I will contact them.

Blandmum Wed 24-Sep-08 07:27:35

See if you can get her a social worker. My mother had dementia, and her's was a life saver in terms to getting us through the paperwork!

WideWebWitch Wed 24-Sep-08 07:28:43

Thank you MB

streakybacon Wed 24-Sep-08 07:45:44

Tread carefully, and be very aware. My mum now has a social worker and she's absolutely useless. I've spent the last two weeks sorting out all the administrative crap she's caused by changing Mum's care agency without our knowledge, no handover meeting or anything. The new service is incompetent (they don't have my phone number on record, despite being given it three times, and on one occasion nobody turned up at all) and I'm requesting a different one. Meeting with the SW today to try and get some of the mess sorted.

Sorry, bit of a rant, but I thought it needed to be said that it's not always as straightforward as we might expect it to be. People in care services aren't always competent so you need to keep a close eye on what's going on so you can be sure of a decent service.

There may be a charge too, if your parents are above a certain financial threshhold. You can get an assessment done to find out if they're entitled to free or reduced rate services, but they may not want to share that information if they're proud/private.

streakybacon Wed 24-Sep-08 07:46:37

Oh, and I made the referral to social services myself without GP. I'd imagine it's the same in other areas but worth checking.

Blandmum Wed 24-Sep-08 18:48:05

Something else that you probably don't want to think about , but you need to do now, is what you will do when your MIL gets worse.

This will also tie in with the respite care for your FIL.

You are much better placed going round the local elderly care homes/nursing homes now when you don't need a place for your MIL in an emergency.

This will significantly reduce your stress levels, and it just isn't a good idea to make a decision in a panic, much better to suss things out first.

It isn't being cold about the situation, it is being sensible.

YOur local authority should have a list of places available, and you can arrange to go and see them. At the same time you can ask about respite care

Blandmum Wed 24-Sep-08 18:48:26

Something else that you probably don't want to think about , but you need to do now, is what you will do when your MIL gets worse.

This will also tie in with the respite care for your FIL.

You are much better placed going round the local elderly care homes/nursing homes now when you don't need a place for your MIL in an emergency.

This will significantly reduce your stress levels, and it just isn't a good idea to make a decision in a panic, much better to suss things out first.

It isn't being cold about the situation, it is being sensible.

YOur local authority should have a list of places available, and you can arrange to go and see them. At the same time you can ask about respite care

3littlefrogs Wed 24-Sep-08 18:55:44

You need to contact your local social services to arrange for a carer's assessment on YOUR behalf. You will get nowhere asking for an assessment of your parents IYSWIM.

The assessment is to see what help YOU need as the carer.

Once you sort that out, you should be able to get a named social worker (well for at least a few months anyway)who will be able to tell you how to get all the services you need.

Help the Aged and Age concern have quite good websites for advice.

Crossroads have help and support for carers.

We found we couldn't access anything at all until we got the carers assessment.

Money is an absolute minefield. It is a post code lottery, but generally speaking, everything is means tested.

WideWebWitch Thu 25-Sep-08 07:49:10

Thank you for these new posts, good idea MB and thanks for the SW advice 3littlefrogs.

glenthorpe Thu 25-Sep-08 07:56:07

Phone the surgery that your parents are with.Ask for the district nurse to call you.Write down all the things that you need to know.The District Nurses will organise equiptment,such as commodes quickly, and for other things such as handrails they will refer your parents to the occupational therapists (nothing to do with working by the way).These therapists will come in an assess your parents environment and will get things such as grap rails etc organised.The District Nurses will also if your parents wish refer them to A social Worker who will tell them all about the benefits that are available to them,hope this is of use

WideWebWitch Thu 25-Sep-08 08:00:36

Thank you glenthorpe.

glenthorpe Thu 25-Sep-08 08:00:46

In our area District/Community NUrses work with older people,not Health Visitors.DN's are very use to the type of queries that you have,try to see her with your in laws....

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