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How to say No to Hen Night invite without causing offence?

(14 Posts)
ksld Thu 04-Sep-08 10:57:27

Just had an invite to a friend's hen night - it is going to cost £200 up front, plus travel and drinks and food once there.

I really want to go, but just have not got that sort of money. Would you just say upfront 'I can't afford it', or might that be seen as criticism of her choice of what to do? Any brides to be out there - how would you feel if a very old friend couldn't come to your hen night? (It's 3 hours drive from me so can't just go for a little bit of it either).

tiredemma Thu 04-Sep-08 10:58:37

where are they going? £200 PLUS travel is a lot.

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt Thu 04-Sep-08 10:59:56

Be honest and say you can't afford it. Attending weddings these days cost a bloody fortune.

cmotdibbler Thu 04-Sep-08 11:01:13

"Really sorry, I just can't make the weekend. Have a wonderful time, and I'll be looking forward to seeing the photos. Maybe we can have dinner/a drink together afterwards and you can tell me all about it"

Don't tell her why, or she'll either fret about it or get offended/ try to get others to pay for you. Make sure you show loads of enthusiasm about her having a great time so that its clear its not you don't want to go, you just can't

Lazarou Thu 04-Sep-08 11:01:35

What is happening that costs £200?

EllieG Thu 04-Sep-08 11:08:51

I'd just be honest and say you can't afford it. This happened to me with my best mate recently - I am not working as on mat leave and said to her that I just didn't have spare cash for the weekend away they had planned, and she completely understood and was all fine.

Lazarou Thu 04-Sep-08 11:09:24

Ask her to pay for you and say you will pay her back in installments

nickytwotimes Thu 04-Sep-08 11:10:49

Expensive hen nights annoy me.
WHo can afford 200 quid for a night out, fgs.
Tell the truth. It's a lot of money to expect people to shell ou.

TillyScoutsmum Thu 04-Sep-08 11:15:22

£200 is a LOT of money to expect people to stump up. She must assume that there will be some people who can't attend at that sort of cost. Just tell her you're really sorry but can't afford it but would love to meet up with her for a drink/food either before or after the wedding.

I'm a bride 2 be and wouldn't be offended btw smile

Lazarou Thu 04-Sep-08 11:15:38

Dh went on one that cost about the same. He couldn't really afford it but they made him feel bad about it and he went. They did paintballing, go karting and went to the greyhound track on a really hot day. They had no time between activities and they had to wear really hot clothes. Everyone was dehydrated and then drinking on top of that finished them off.
Dh has only just paid them back. Mind you, it will only happen once (i hope) so if there is any way you can make it then I would go.

Gobbledigook Thu 04-Sep-08 11:16:47

I would just say I couldn't afford it. That's so much to ask.

These stag and hen dos are ridiculous imo - it's not only the cost but the time they expect you to spend away from kids - whole weekends.

LittleMyDancing Thu 04-Sep-08 11:19:12

That kind of thing can be really annoying. DP went on a stag night with some lads who all earned much more than he did. There was lots of ordering of champagne and lobster in very posh restaurants and then the bills were split equally, with no thought that some people might not be able to afford it sad

DP wasn't the only one left completely skint by the whole affair. He wouldn't have minded them all having champagne and lobster etc if they'd let him pay for his meal separately, I think there's been a thread on this in the past though so don't want to start that whole debate again!

But on the whole, I think the stag/hen night thing has got out of hand.

psychomum5 Thu 04-Sep-08 11:21:13

tell her the truth. I am betting there will be others who also cannot afford it, you won;t be the only one, and if they don;t tell her why she may start getting paranoid that no-one likes her, when in reality it is that they are not as flush money-wise as she obviously thinks.

£200 is an insane amount tho, especially if (as I assume) you will be going to the wedding too and so may need outfits and travel expenses for that, let alone the present!

ksld Thu 04-Sep-08 14:10:38

The money is for a Spa pampering experience - cost includes use of pool/sauna, hotel room, and one spa treatment. Thanks for all the replies, I think I will just be honest about it.

The difficulty is I don't know if we WILL go to the wedding - not invited yet as is not until next year, and don't know if DCs included. If not then will have to decide if me or DH go as we are both friends of the bride, and he has known her longer. If DCs are invited then will have to take a view on cost of hotel rooms at venue (judging by hen night assume it will be v swanky!). Guess I will have to wait and see on that one.

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