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Has any one read "Raising happy children"?? It didn't make me happy!!

(20 Posts)
mummyloveslucy Wed 03-Sep-08 20:30:14

Hi, I'm reading a book called Raising happy children. Has any one else read it, and what do you think?
I think it's so patronising and seems to be stating the obvious all the time. It goes on for a whole chapter about why you shouldn't put you children down, and say negative things to them.
It also said you should spend time talking to your children so that they can speek well when they start school, because teachers relate speech to intellegence. It also said that it'll be a barrier to your child making friends.
This really struck a nurve with me, as my daughter has a severe speech disorder. I have been speeking, singing to her all the time since she was born.
It's like saying that if you child has a speech problem, it's the parents fault for not putting enough effort in.
It's also horrible to say that basically, the teacher will think the child is unintellegent, and the child will struggle to make friends.
How does that make parents of children with speech disorders feel. sad
I think I'll sell the book.

TheArmadillo Wed 03-Sep-08 20:35:40

do a ceremonial burning it will make you feel better.

Never read it myself, but the parenting market for books is a huge one meaning just about anything can get published.

Just cos it is published doesn't mean it isn't full of crap. It's just someone's opinion.

filthymindedvixen Wed 03-Sep-08 20:40:44

hmm, I spoke to my child the whole time and he is a total chatterbox and is always in trouble at school for not sitting down and shutting the feck up! It certainly hasn't endeared him to teachers grin

I don't think such books are intended to be one size fits all. Read them by all means, but just take what you need from them and use the blindingly obvious bits as proof that you know as much as the so-called experts...

mummyloveslucy Wed 03-Sep-08 20:43:20

Yes I think I will. grin

It seemed to be quite a well known book from the auther of Raising boys. Anyway, I was very disapointed.
I really liked parenting with spirit. That was more like it.

mummyloveslucy Wed 03-Sep-08 20:48:48

Well, there you go. grin My daughter is also quite chatty, we just can't tell what on earth she's chatting about.
The book was so obvious that it made me feel.sad I thought surely every parent knows not to say negative hurtfull things to their children. It made me think of the poor children that are being raised like this.

Overmydeadbody Wed 03-Sep-08 20:52:57

mummyloveslucy, the sad reality is that not everyone knows all tose things instinctively, I have witnessed many bad parneting habits in my time as a teacher sad

As with all of SB's books, they are very basic and general, he doesn't go into complex situations or examples where the rule might not fit, but yopu can still get some good out of the book (or rather, some people, who might have auomatically said things without thinking about them to their children, might actually think about it first). It's good that you didn't need it tohugh, count yourself lucky.

I read the book before I actually had children, I think that is the trick!grin

filthymindedvixen Wed 03-Sep-08 20:53:07

does she have verbal dyspraxia?

Overmydeadbody Wed 03-Sep-08 20:54:36

My DS is/was selectively mute, despite me talking to him all the time and him being a very bright chatterbox at home. He didn't say a word at nursery for two terms! God knows what they thought, nut I knew DS was fine so that was all that mattered to me. And he had loads of friends too!

mummyloveslucy Wed 03-Sep-08 21:00:23

I think she does. The SALT has said it's a phonological disorder, I've done a lot of research and I asked if it could be verbal dyspraxia and she said, please don't look it up and worry about it as it can be a scary thing. She said the treatment was the same for both anyway.
I think verbal dyspraxia, as she seems to have very little control of her mouth and tounge when talking. She also bites her tounge regularly while eating.

filthymindedvixen Wed 03-Sep-08 21:03:15

my friend's daughters both suffered from this. They have had extensive speech therapy and speak really well now. (8 and 10)

It was hard at times though, when children made fun or 'excluded' them because they couldn't understand what they were saying.

mummyloveslucy Wed 03-Sep-08 21:07:53

In fact I spoke to one of the Dads from the nursery today, he dosn't know my daughter very well. He asked her if she was looking forward to nursery tommorrow, she answered in her own way chatting about going back to school. Then he said "That's sweet, she's so excited she can't get her words out".
I just smiled and agreed. I didn't know what else to say.
I don't like to talk about her problems to people in front of her, so I didn't.

mummyloveslucy Wed 03-Sep-08 21:12:07

I'm glad that all the speech therapy paid off and they are doing well now. It's awfull that they were segrigated by the other children.sad That's what I worry about when my daughter starts school.
They ask for parents to be involved with the school and come and help out. I think I might be there all the time. grin

filthymindedvixen Wed 03-Sep-08 21:15:09

mLL, to be fair, one of them is also autistic which doesn't help with communication and social skills...
The other one was dyslexic and dyspraxic and used to alienate other girls as she was very boisterous! But they have both found their place in the world and have plenty of friends.

Please don't worry, but don't be afraid to be a bit pushy and get yourselves referred to a SALT. It will make a big difference. Your dd sounds utterly charming

mummyloveslucy Wed 03-Sep-08 21:15:28

overmydeadbody- how will the teacher cope if she can't understand my daughter?
Is it true that they will think she's unintellegent? I'm starting to worry now!.

mummyloveslucy Wed 03-Sep-08 21:43:52

Oh that's not too bad then, Lucy is definatly not boysterous. She is very loving and caring, And yes she is charming, thank you filthymindedvixen. smile

mummyloveslucy Wed 03-Sep-08 21:48:22

Oh, and she does have SALT every week.
She's been having it for 6 months now. smile

filthymindedvixen Wed 03-Sep-08 21:53:28

good luck and try not to worry x

Overmydeadbody Wed 03-Sep-08 22:15:03

mummyloveslucy, no of course the teacher won't think your dd is unintelligent, and there are many more ways of communicating and telling someone's intelligence than through speaking.

God knows my DS had no trouble communicating his wishes with his teachers despite saying absolutely nothing, and they didn't think he was unintelligent.

Try not to worry so much about it. The teachers will be on your side.

PortAndLemon Wed 03-Sep-08 22:18:42

The trouble with Steve Biddulph is that he's so convinced of the absolute truth of everything he says that he's not at all delicate about saying it. That tends to go over your head if he's saying something you agree with, but means that if he's saying something you disagree with it sounds very much like personal criticism (you just try reading one of his books if you WOH full-time...)

Overmydeadbody Wed 03-Sep-08 22:20:39

that is true Port. He is very evangelical (if that is the right word) about his beliefs.

That's why I think it is best to read him before actually having any children, then you can't take anything he sais as personal critisism and just remember the good bits for when you actually have children.

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