help please about telling son 5y that he has 2 dad's!

[astonmartin]

Hi Guys hope you can help on this, our eldest son 5yrs is not my biological son. we have always said that he would be told the truth, but its so difficult.

His mum found out she was preg after their relationship had ended, he was a bit on the wild side into drugs ect, just a typical young lad, but she didnt tell him. she did how ever send an letter which was annoymos stating that she was preg, but nothing ever came of it. we dont know whether it got there or not then some people who do know the truth have said that they have told him, but still nothing.

The wife has started feeling very guilty about this as she has never told this guy direct that hes a father.

We have been discussing telling our son that i am not the man that help make him but i am his dad (even though our relastionship is not great we clash on almost everything)

But we are very scared on what we are about to open up.

Do you think we ort to tell our son first to see whether he is fussed or wants to see his natual father or not.

or to tell the father and see whether he wants to know?

Help please

[MancMum]

tell your son... he can then make the decision whether he wants to get in touch with bio dad when he is older... at 5 this is not likely but I would really recommend telling him ASAP - my BIL meant to tell his daughter that he was not the father but bottles it and 26 years later, everyone in the town knows except her and I think it is really bad that she does not know -- and she will take it worse the longer she does not know

you mentioned your relationship as it is obviously a concern to you... is this impacting your decision to tell him?