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SO BLOODY ANGRY!!!

(25 Posts)
amynnixmum Thu 17-Feb-05 11:08:25

I am spitting with rage. Sorry this is a rant but i need to vent. My next door neighbours have lived next door for about 3 years now. In that time i have had to put up with rubbish being chucked over the fence and also into the front garden and on the roofs of my porches (even had used sanitary towels a couple of times). They are also very noisy and play miusic loud with the windows wide. I have very rarely complained in order to keep the peace and have just ignored it. Last year their drain got blocked and they did nothing about it for weeks. The smell got so bad that in the end I had to ask them to do something about it. They sorted it out but TBH I can't believe that they didn't do it themselves before - it was really disgusting! At the moment they have a huge pile of rubbish in their back garden that has been there for weeks.
So basically for these last 3 years i have been living next to and tolerating the dirty, messy, noisy people. The chap who lives next door the other side of these people has complained loads of time about the noise and now goes away nearly every weekend to avoid it.
Last sat night at about 11.30 i heard another neighbour outside and stuck my head out the window. She was having an impromtu party and invited me over. As she walked past my Next door neighbours window the women (S) made some sarky comment about people needing sleep. Could not beleive this when I was told as her girls had been just as noisy at midnight the night before and I had said nothing. My friend is next door but one to this women so there was no way the music could have been disturbing her. MY friend was furious and put a note through her door saying "sorry about the noise - now you now how it feels" and put down the numbers of the 4 closest houses at the bottom. The next day S had a go at my other next door neighbour about the note and said she was going to speak to us all individually. Well needless to say she hasn't said a word. She picked on my other next door neighbour as she saw her as a soft touch.
A couple of days ago ny children were in the garden playing and they kicked the ball over the fence. I was inside but heard S telling DS not to climb over the fence to get it as she would come down and throw it back. I banged on the window at him to tell him off and told him to say sorry to S and to say thankyou when she threw the ball back. A few minutes later he threw it over again (he is only 4 so aim not good). I then told him to come inside because I didn't want him chucking another one over. This morning I came downstairs and the ball has been cut in half and thrown back in our garden. I am so angry with S - I nearly charged straight round there but was still in PJs. My hands are still shaking!!! Can't believe that she could take her fustrations out on a child - if she had a problem with me she should have been an adult about and come to see me. Until now I have not had any particular feeling about her or her family at all - I neither liked or disliked them. I have lent them numerous things over the last 3 years and have always been friendly and then she does something like this. GRRR. . Have rung the council to complain about her rubbish now and will definately speak to her later when i calm down. .

Merlin Thu 17-Feb-05 11:13:31

Hi amynnixmum - sorry to hear you've got the neighbours from hell! What did the council say? Is there anything they can do? I agree the woman shouldn't have cut up the ball - thats dreadful - she should at least behave like an adult and come round and talk to you rationally about it. Hope you get something sorted out before it gets worse.

Kelly1978 Thu 17-Feb-05 11:14:24

That sounds like a copmplete nightmare. Haven't u told the police? Surely u don't have to put up witht his sort of thing.

amynnixmum Thu 17-Feb-05 11:20:52

Thanks Merlin. Council are going to look into it. They are council tenants but it is a housing association property so its a bit complicated. TBH I think she should have just let the note thing go. They are easily the noisiest family in the street and like I said just the night before they were blasting music out of the window at midnight. The note wasn't abusive or threatening and was written indirect response to her hypocritical complaints thrown out of the window. Plus my freind was clearly plastered that night. I know its just a cheap plastic ball but its the principle. She doesn't have the guts to face up to me so she rips up my DD's ball. She's had several runins before with both ny friend and the chap who lives the other side but so far none with me so its not as though ahe needed to be anxious about approaching me - I'm hardly the scary type

amynnixmum Thu 17-Feb-05 11:23:37

Haven't told the police as i can't prove that they are responsible. It was obviously them though as the ball was actually ripped in half and chucked back over the fence. If it had come back flat and punctured I'd still have had my suspicians but I'd have let it go.

Kelly1978 Thu 17-Feb-05 11:37:49

I hope you get soemwhere with the council then, I couldn't imagine living like that. Hopefully it will get sorted soon for you.

amynnixmum Thu 17-Feb-05 11:40:34

Thanks Kelly. Before today although it was annoying I was prepared to put up with it as I don't want to fall out with my neighbours but this has changed things. Am I being silly - its only a ball after all?

Mum2girls Thu 17-Feb-05 12:16:03

I don't think the ball is really the problem here - it's just the hair that broke the camel's back. Sounds like you've been seething about this situation for some time and rightly so, they sound a nightmare to me.

Maybe it's time to stop being so reasonable and get the situation sorted - sounds like you have the support of the rest of your neighbourhood. Good luck.

amynnixmum Thu 17-Feb-05 12:40:16

Anyone got any ideas how to deal with this without starting a war? I have calmed down now although i am still angry. I want to get all this sorted out but i don't want to end up feeling uncomfortable in my own home.

Loobie Thu 17-Feb-05 12:54:33

I have neighbours like them too,this morning dd was up crying at 6.00 and as i am trying to sleep train her using CC she was crying on and off for about 10-15 mins,when the guy next door yelled out his open window "see to that f*ing wayne you lazy fat bitch" i ignored him but was thinkin'g about posting a note through the door saying DD is being sleep trained so the crying will get worse before it gets better ENJOY.' and signing it the fat lazy bitch next door.
Im cant get any joy from the council either because im a council tenant but they have bought their council home so im stuck with them but yes we too have had rubbish outside the house noise,music,fighting,barbecues at 5 in the morning YES!!!
It really is drainging you have my sympathy and i hope you get somewhere with them.

Caligula Thu 17-Feb-05 12:55:28

Hmm. Sounds like these neighbours make you uncomfortable in your own home anyway, so you may as well complain about them.

Would they be amenable to sitting down with the other neighbours and talking about some basic rules to make each others' lives easier? Are they civilised enough to manage this?

Caligula Thu 17-Feb-05 13:01:52

Loobie, people using the F or C word loud enough for it to be heard in public can be reprimanded by the police.

I'd be very tempted to put the note in - what a savage your next door neighbour sounds.

BTW, if you keep a diary, you can still get an ASBO against these types of neighbours, owner-occupiers or not. There was something on You and Yours the other day about neighbours who just decided they'd had enough of one particular family and they all got together to keep a diary and got an ASBO against them. Then when the ASBO was broken, they reported that and the yobbos got a prison sentence.

Zero tolerance for this kind of crap. People shouldn't have to put up with it. If you keep a diary of abuse as well (and this incident with the swearing is technically abuse), you might be able to get the council to re-house you, with enough nagging.

amynnixmum Thu 17-Feb-05 13:02:43

Good idea Caligula but i somehow doubt it. Have decided not to say anything until my friend gets home from work and I can discuss it with her. Maybe if the 4 of us who are most affected get together we can get something done. When my friend has tried to talk to her in the past she has become first abusive and then when my friend has responded angrily to that abuse has started crying and run inside. Since then if S has acknowledged my friend at all it has only been to throw insults out of the window, although she has occasionally had a go at my friend's children instead.

anchovies Thu 17-Feb-05 13:05:27

If you complain enough, they will consider cctv which as caligula says will get them an asbo. Worked for us, next door now have a camera and there are three blokes with asbos at the end of the road. Has really helped calm everything down.

Twiglett Thu 17-Feb-05 13:06:05

I would assume you ahve to live with these people

can you go round, cut up ball in hands and be really exceptionally nice to them

ask if everything's ok because it is obviously so strange to react like that to a 4 year old's ball

ask if there's anything you can do to help

embarrass them into being embarrassed and apologising? and maybe into acting like better neighbours

think of the outcome you want, rather than how you would like to react (let off steam) .. these people will still be living next door even if you call the police on them .. but they'll be worse

(or would that not work?)

amynnixmum Thu 17-Feb-05 13:07:43

Sorry Loobie, didn't reply to you.
Until today I have felt able to approach them and bring up problems. So far none of them has actually been abusive towards me or my family so i have not got involved when trouble has kicked off with other neighbours. Your situation sounds much worse than mine and TBH it was knowing that things could be so much worse that prevented me from making more of a fuss before now. A bit of a case of better the devil you know. Agree with Caligula taht you should find out about rehousing.

amynnixmum Thu 17-Feb-05 13:11:31

Will have to think about that one Twiglett, am definately too angry at the moment to pull it off. TBH I don't think it will work as both my friend and the chap the other side of S both initially approached her in a friendly manner to try and get things resolved amicably and they both ended up on the receiving end of a torrent of abuse.

Kittypickle Thu 17-Feb-05 13:16:02

Oh no, last thing you need at the moment. I don't know what to suggest at the moment, apart from to totally and completely calm down and take a day or two to think about it. You're going to want to move at some point and the last thing you need is a dispute with your neighbours.

amynnixmum Thu 17-Feb-05 13:18:48

Hey Kitty, tried to ring you earlier.

Kittypickle Thu 17-Feb-05 13:22:15

Just got back in, I've got a stinking headache and I'm not very coherent at the moment, are you around later ?

amynnixmum Thu 17-Feb-05 13:22:42

Yep

SPARKLER1 Thu 17-Feb-05 13:27:16

Hi AMN - sorry you are having a crap time. Sounds like KP has given you some good advice. x

Caligula Thu 17-Feb-05 13:30:30

It's a very fine line with neighbours. I had a couple of savages living upstairs from me in my old flat, perfectly nice people in the daytime and out and about, but just no concept of civilised behaviour - the guy just thought you could do what you want and behave exactly as you like in your own home, and neighbours are simply irrelevant.

Now obviously, that is true if you have forty acres around your house, but if neighbours can be affected by your behaviour, then most civilised people understand that that is not true.

I never got into a dispute with them because their behaviour never got to a stage where it was unbearable. Often it was uncomfortable, or irritating, but much of the time it was actually quite entertaining. If you have the power to move (ie money, time etc.) then you really don't want to get involved in an official dispute (because you have to declare it when you sell a house) unless the likelihood is that you will solve the problem. Then the dispute can be logged as solved.

Difficult balance, but one good thing about this situation is that all your other neighbours are on your side - that's half the battle.

amynnixmum Thu 17-Feb-05 14:47:02

Have had lovely chat with Kittypickle and don't think I am going to say anything now. I'm still angry but feel that saying something may cause more problems than it solves. Complained to the council about the mess this morning anyway so I guess I'm already taking positive action. If she confronts me about any of this i shall obviously tell her how I feel about the whole situation but will do it calmly and rationally and then walk away. I think they'll know that it was me who complained to the council anyway since i had a little paddy in the garden when i went out to get the ball and stomped in the house saying that's what i was going to do. Bit late to deny the whole thing now
Thanks for all the replies - mn is great for letting off steam

SPARKLER1 Thu 17-Feb-05 22:34:01

AMN - Glad you are feeling a little better. It's good to know that you have a good friend in KP. Hope things get sorted for you. xx

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