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Other mums at the 'school gate'.... sigh.....

(36 Posts)
Nic04 Wed 16-Feb-05 06:53:03

Does anyone else find the 'school gate' thing to be either uncomfortable or unfriendly? Or cliquey?! You know, picking up and dropping the kids off to school or pre-school in the mornings and afternoons.

My ds started pre-school this year at a school that I was very lucky to get him into. It has a good reputation & his teachers are lovely, etc etc. That's not the problem though. So far I've found that a few mums already know each other, and it seems that they just don't want to acknowledge anyone else, or even smile or say HELLO. Either that or they will acknowledge you one day, and not the next - GRRR. Last week while I was waiting for ds to come out after preschool, I sat on the bench next to another mum and we started chatting. She told me all about her two year old son and how he's been really sick lately, and we talked about a range of other things until the kids came out and we left. The next time I saw her, it was as though we'd never met!! She walked past and didn't even say a word. I'm finding it quite uncomfortable as there seem to be a lot of people seem to speak to you one day, and then 'blank' you the next. Am I the only one who's finding this whole school gate thing a pain in the #@*&$??

Some of the mums I met there in the first few days were quite nice, so perhaps I just haven't seen them on the days that I've picked up ds. But overall, I find it a bit cliquey or uncomfortable. How hard can it be for people to just be pleasant and acknowledge each other?? I'm wondering what other people think about this and whether you've experienced the same kind of thing.

mrsruffallo Fri 05-Jun-09 19:28:57

I agree, there is far too much over thinking of the situation.
Just remind yourself you are there for your children, not for yourself.
It's your choice how involved you get.

hopefull09 Fri 05-Jun-09 22:21:12

The blankers , standoffishers are probably terified of being stalked ( not by op!) but they mightve had to fend off an overly enthusiastic mum on occasion like i have.

I once made arrangements for a new girl to come for tea, when her mum came to collect her at 7 she wouldnt go, and i finally shoved her out of the door at 10,30.Id never met her before.She then turned up the next day at 9 am, and the next, and the next.When i made it clear i wasnt impressed she turned nasty.

Ive been used as a free childminder, had kids dumped on me the day my dd was due and was having a home birth,," can you just " ect,, been expected to taxi around kids from school who do the same after school activitys as mine, it does make you wary of even being polite to other mums after a bit , as some of them want to move in with you and be best freinds.

Hapened again just a few weeks ago, new girl at school, came for tea, mum picked her up, still here at 9,40.It became quite obvious she was insane when she tried to demonstrate how she had previously attacked a neighbour with a length of wood.!!!

Managed to shove her out of the door while she demanded my phone number and tried to make arrangements for lunch. I dont know why i attract these loons, i live in a nice area in a nice house, and im clearly normal.Get the same on buses too, every loon sits next to me, must be my face.

Not saying your a loon op,, just trying to explain why some of us blankers are like that!

ZacharyQuack Sun 07-Jun-09 02:17:39

Why do old threads keep getting resurrected?

vaseofwildflowers Sun 07-Jun-09 05:13:57

Many of us are new to Mumsnet and so have no idea it's an old thread. I thought a woman was being horrible to me but actually I got great advice here and it turned out I was being oversensitive, and the woman at the schoolgate in question would have had no idea I thought she was rude.

Some people have an awful lot on their plates but if you want to, over time, you can make good friends especially if you are helpful,arrange things, join the PTA, and offer playdates etc.

Sometimes you just click, sometimes you don't. But you do need to make an effort over time without being ott.

If you want to make friends you will do if you treat it as a long term project, and don't take it too personally (unless you never smile or smell badly grin

mamatilly Wed 18-Nov-09 20:56:30

its good to read this, i am having such a hard time with preschool mums, i keep asking DH is there something wrong with me, am i too sensitive, imagining things, am i rude/quirky/do i smelll... i just dont understand how some mums think it is ok to smile one day, do playdate and coffee one day AND BLANK THE NEXT. even if not wanting to be best friends (!) then a smile is surely possible. it is pretty depressing if afew women cannot be bothered to be polite and kind to one another, and some of us feel pretty vulnerable and fragile about the whole thing.

sorry, rant over, having a really hard time of it and can only assume after a few occurences with different mums that it is me, that i am a totally ghastly sort of person and that for some obscure reason i have a lovely husband and afew lifelong friends who havent yet discovered my ghastliness xxxxxxx LOL xxxx

dustypuffball Mon 11-Jan-10 21:38:28

awful thing to have to do every blinkin day, but me and a few others just go for telepathy, drop kids and get the hell out quickly,we know getting to involved makes life too public, anyway ive seen quite a few mums in pj's and slippers with big gold argos earings tying their pit bull type to the railings, swearing and smoking and talking of fights in night clubs. yes dearest, telepathy is the answer! lol.

GimmeIrnBru Tue 06-Nov-12 15:05:04

Old thread, yes, I know but this is something that I've picked up recently at the school when dropping off and collecting DS1. Being 'blanked' in particular. What is difficult about saying hello to someone?!

friendofminniemouse Thu 08-Nov-12 19:21:47

OP - yes, that was my experience exactly. My DC are all grown up now, but at the time it was hurtful and I felt very left out.

Now, years later, I've watched many of their lives and relationships fall apart.

It really isn't worth investing any emotion whatsoever in these people who really are of no consequence to you. Just concentrate on your child and forget them - they're nothing to you wink

GimmeIrnBru Thu 08-Nov-12 21:16:52

thanks friendofminniemouse - I no longer acknowledge said people when doing the school run. I just ignore and carry on with my business. You have the right attitude, thank you for sharing your words of wisdom! wink

hokusai3 Sat 11-Feb-17 13:46:15

I totally sympathise with those who are finding it hard. I realise that I just don't 'gel' with any of the parents. It occurred to me the other day that I have asked several parents various questions about themselves and in the four months I have been there not one single person has asked a question about me! The intake at the school is very mixed in terms of social / cultural backgrounds. I have spoken to one woman several times as her son was at the same nursery as mine, but she will quite often stand behind me in the queue to get her son and not bother to say hello! Has also walked right past me and my son without making any eye contact. She works in the city and probably has her sights on more high-achieving friends :-/ I am also concerned that my son has no friends. He has asperger's and will do slightly odd things like wander around reciting stories randomly which maybe the other children find a bit odd? He only got one Christmas card, which made me sad as I saw children coming out clutching handfuls of them. I wonder if he is having the same issue as me - superficially getting on with people, but not making any real connections. I work from home which means I am quite isolated and I think this is why it is getting to me. I feel I need to get out and get a job, but then I lose the fantastic flexibility that working from home gives you.

tribpot Sat 11-Feb-17 13:49:19

This is a thread from 2005! For some reason there is no Zombie warning on it.

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