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Sibling or private school ???

(72 Posts)
mummyloveslucy Sun 17-Aug-08 19:33:03

I have a 3.5 year old daughter and I always asumed she would be an only child as I was soo ill when I was pregnant.
She is at a private nursery and really enjoying it, I had hoped she would stay at the school. I've just been thinking recently, would my daughter be missing out not having a sibling?
We live in an area where there are not many children and we don't have any friends with children either.
If she had a sibling then she would have to come out of her private school, but they could both have hobbies, music lesons, stage coach etc.
I can't emagine my daughter being an older only child but I can't emagine myself going through all that torture again either.
What do you think ?

expatinscotland Sun 17-Aug-08 19:33:44


Jazzicatz Sun 17-Aug-08 19:35:27

Definitely sibling

mummyloveslucy Sun 17-Aug-08 19:38:02

Thank you smile

Podrick Sun 17-Aug-08 19:41:37

Have another child for yourself & dp if you want one, but don't have one for your dd. Only children do not have worse lives than those with siblings!

Private school is no big deal although you do seem very hung up about it from your previous posts. Did you go to a private school yourself? Why do you think it is so important?

SqueakyPop Sun 17-Aug-08 19:41:56

Tell me you are not going to decide based on a mumsnet poll hmm

IMO, if you want to have another baby, it's not something that comes from rational thought. The desire is overwhelming.

At the same time, the desire to do your best for all your children education-wise is also something that is hard to overcome if it is at all do-able.

I had my five children before embarking on private education, but somehow we manage to juggle both.

sarah293 Sun 17-Aug-08 19:42:54

Message withdrawn

norkmaiden Sun 17-Aug-08 19:43:41


savoycabbage Sun 17-Aug-08 19:44:15


I can't imagine my own childhood without my sister and I can't imagine what my life would be without her now.

I have a three year age gap between my two dds and although they fall out sometimes (they are 4.5 and 1.5 they totally and utterly love each other. The little one asks for thebig one when she is off at pre-school and the big one asks for the little one when she is asleep. Although the napping seems to be out of the window now as they just want to play together.

mummyloveslucy Sun 17-Aug-08 19:45:39

Every time I see siblings together, it makes me think that she would probubly miss out.
I can't emagine loving another child as much as my daughter either. I also think that my daughter would be jelous.
She is such a loving little girl, I think she would make a great big sister.

hercules1 Sun 17-Aug-08 19:45:46

Just imagine the conversation you have with your lo when they are older. Yes, it would have been nice for you to have a brother/sister who will still be around for you when we're dead but we'd thought you'd rather go to private school for the first few years of your life..

One main reason we chose not to send ds to private school was because we knew we couldnt realistically afford to have another child if we did.

Happily have a 4 year old dd now. Far more preciious than sending a child to private school.

However dont have a child if you dont really want one. If you have to decide between the 2 you probably dont want another child really.

savoycabbage Sun 17-Aug-08 19:47:05

You are making it sound like the new baby is for your dd now! Like a puppy.

hercules1 Sun 17-Aug-08 19:47:50

Actually I find this thread quite sad. Do people really believe private schools are more important than having another child? I appreciate it's probably not as simple for you but a strange toss up.

Waswondering Sun 17-Aug-08 19:49:49

I think it's interesting you are thinking about the sibling issue for your child. Does part of you really want another baby?

I am hesitant to say this as I have pretty much sailed through 2 pregnancies, but at the end of the day, it's 9 months for you compared to a perhaps 80 odd year relationship between the siblings.

Only you can decide . . . I have an (almost) 5yo and a 2yo - they are brilliant together, best friends and are pretty inseperable. It's lovely. My first was ace with the baby too, so helpful when she was born in bringing me things, and clearly loved her from the off.

Good luck with your decision.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Waswondering Sun 17-Aug-08 19:52:23

By the way - cheesy line from Neighbours (I know!!) a few years ago - when a new baby comes, it means there is more love to give!

The love you have for your dd would be matched by the love you would have from her sibling. So more joy and happiness! (at least before the teenage years wink!)

mummyloveslucy Sun 17-Aug-08 19:52:27

I have no overwhelming desire for another baby. It would be nice though.
I think a lot of people have another child to give the first a play mate.

hercules1 Sun 17-Aug-08 19:53:16

I really dont think you want to have another child.

SqueakyPop Sun 17-Aug-08 19:55:18

I thought that I would add that there is absolutely nothing wrong with your DD being an only child. Loads of families actively choose to have only one child.

Decide what you and DH want for yourselves, and then worry about your DD.

As for private education, if you have two children, you can put them into private for just senior school, and this would be similar to all-through for one child. You don't even have to treat them identically. Your DD can gain a sibling without giving up her lovely school, but your new little one may not be able to follow in her footsteps until much later in his school career.

pagwatch Sun 17-Aug-08 19:55:58

good grief.
Do people really have a child to entertain their first born !

I love the plans people make.
When we decided to have a second child it occured to me that a) they would play together and b) they would go to the same private school. Didn't plan it but thought that it would be nice.
DS2 had profound special needs and DS1 had to be yanked out of his school to chase provision for DS2.
When we had DD I thought - a sweet little girl on the way.
She wants to play rugby ...

Don't try and plan so. Just love what life throws you

SqueakyPop Sun 17-Aug-08 19:57:44

I think it may be helpful for you to chat with mums of singles, without any reference to money. Find out why they decided to stop at one and see if you identify with them in any way.

I don't think this has anything to do with private schools - I am thinking perhaps you are using this as an excuse not to have another baby.

There is no shame in only wanting one.

savoycabbage Sun 17-Aug-08 19:58:25

I think that it's lovely to have a sibling when you are an adult too.

forevercleaning Sun 17-Aug-08 19:58:45

lots of siblings - stuff the private school

mrsruffallo Sun 17-Aug-08 20:01:57

Def sibling

mummyloveslucy Sun 17-Aug-08 20:04:38

My daughter has a speech problem too, so would have trouble communicating her feelings about the new baby.
I've read the book "Three shoes, one sock and no hairbrush", that put me off having another one.grin In fact no parenting books ever say anything nice about siblings. It's always ways to limit the distress to the older child and how to stop sibling rivelry etc.
When I see siblings laughing and playing together and joking about their parents, I think to myself it's not as bad as the books make out.

DisplacementActivity Sun 17-Aug-08 20:06:58

Message withdrawn

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