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Can posters please stop prentending that they don't JUDGE people because we ALL do.

(150 Posts)
LittleMissBliss Sun 20-Jul-08 19:26:02

I'm fed up of people saying oh don't judge what will that achive. If you judge you are smug etc. WE ALL JUDGE PEOPLE WE DON'T KNOW EVERY DAY!

By the house they live in.
Car they drive.
Clothes they wear.
religeon they follow.
The way the address their children.
They way they talk.

I'm sure we are all guilty of judging a complete stranger on the street.

Mutton dressed as lamb- Oh god look at her who does she think she is?
Hoodies- Better cross the street, they look dodgey.
Fake tan, fake hair, fake boobed girls- she mut be a stripper.
Older balding beer bellied bloke with beautiful Thai woman and mixed raced baby- she must be a mail order bride.

So can people stop posting what gives you the right to judge, unless they can honestly say that they do not judge others.

It is human nature to form opinions on others from small observations. I'm not saying its good to judge others. But just admit that you do!

peggotty Sun 20-Jul-08 19:28:39

I think that there are people out there who really genuinely don't judge other people - unfortunately I'm not one of them blush but it's not a trait I am proud of in myself and I try to rein it in.

theyoungvisiter Sun 20-Jul-08 19:29:54

of course we all judge - but in RL we don't march up to those people and say "by the way, the fact that you are wearing a shell suit makes me assume you are ill-educated and have little fashion sense".

I think what people are objecting to is the idea that you can post offensive assumption on the internet and it's somehow any better than gratutiously insulting people on the street.

Yes; you have the right to judge. No; you do not have the right to post those judgements (unless invited to of course, in which case it's different! Hence the wonderful liberation of AIBU threads where we can all let out inner judge rip.)

nickytwotimes Sun 20-Jul-08 19:30:23

Well, most of us do judge to a certain extent, but some people are not very tactful.

Or is that too judgey?

Goober Sun 20-Jul-08 19:30:48

<Gets out the popcorn and sits back to watch the forthcoming fireworks.>
MNers generally attack anyone with the balls to declare anything like this.

LittleMissBliss Sun 20-Jul-08 19:30:50

I think we all judge or how would we decide who we trust. Who we approach to start a conversation. I'm sure we all keep clear from certain people because we have already made up our mind what they are like.

theyoungvisiter Sun 20-Jul-08 19:32:02

btw when I said "you" post offensive assumptions - I didn't mean you personally! I meant "you" as in people generally.

LittleMissBliss Sun 20-Jul-08 19:34:34

It just really annoys me if you voice something that we all know is wrong and you feel strongly about it you are JUDGING. Yes i have an opinion and i want to voice it. So i'm judging, but so do you in your private life just i'm happy to post my view.

gingerninja Sun 20-Jul-08 19:34:52

couldn't agree more, I especially love those who judge the judgers and can't see the irony in what they're saying.

While I'm on it, I also smile at the so smug, 'my wealthy friend says her neighbours are common, but I love the quirkiness of their yard iron, their broken windows and their kids dealing crack in the street, I think they're charming and would love to have them around for supper and try and help them overcome their difficulties'

gingerninja Sun 20-Jul-08 19:36:41

obviously that wasn't a real thread, I meant smug type threads hmm

Podrick Sun 20-Jul-08 19:37:20

There is a war on gratuitous judgementalism and it is a righteous war

theyoungvisiter Sun 20-Jul-08 19:37:31

oh ginger how disappointing - I was just off to scour active convos wink

Blandmum Sun 20-Jul-08 19:38:23

Someone once posted on MN that she never made any assumptions about anyone based on what they looked like. I posted a link to a picture of a nun and asked her if she didn't think 'Ohh a nun' when she saw the photo.

My question remains unanswered to this day

Slubberdegullion Sun 20-Jul-08 19:44:17

Of course we all judge, but fwiw I don't think it a particularly noble trait.

The core of it is "I'm better than you", which is
a)Rather pointless (what is the point in deciding I'm better than some random stranger)

b)Divisive

I judge all the time, but when I find myself doing it I give myself a good hard hmm.



Apart from crocerage at the ballet, that brings out the judger in me wink

gingerninja Sun 20-Jul-08 19:48:58

Oh but sometimes it is fun. And FWIW I don't think it's wrong to feel better than people because you probably feel crap next to others. Keeps us alive, now we don't have to hunt our own food and build our own shelter we have to compete in other ways.

Lauriefairycake Sun 20-Jul-08 19:49:43

Nicky, wot the feck are you doing on mumsnet?

Why aren't you at the super boring service??

Ambi Sun 20-Jul-08 19:54:16

Hi my name is Ambi and I judge people.

Is that better? I agree it's not a good trait, and often it's completely incorrect when you actually find out what people are like.

LittleMissBliss Sun 20-Jul-08 19:54:36

Just because you judg someone it does not mean you think 'I'm better than you'.

It actually means,

To have as an opinion or assumption; suppose
To determine or declare after consideration. or deliberation.
To form an opinion or estimation of after careful consideration.

And some of the people that you judge you will be 'better than' because they conduct their life in an innoproriate manner where as you don't.

If we didn't judge how would we define what is write or wrong?

jimjamshaslefttheyurt Sun 20-Jul-08 19:56:13

A judge a lot less now I get judged every time I step outside the front door with ds1.

Half the stuff that people carry on about on mumsnet are a) none of their business b) don't remotely affect their own lives and c) purely a judge to make themselves feel great about something (eg some kid eating something deemed 'shite' food/someone smoking in pregnancy/etc etc).

LittleMissBliss Sun 20-Jul-08 19:58:59

Ambi, i am also guilty of pre-judging and getting it so wrong.

I have thought that people have been complete cows and they are actually really nice once they let you in.
But i've also come across people that have been really sweet and then turn out to be complete nut cases! grin

ranting Sun 20-Jul-08 19:59:07

But a lot of the time it DOES mean 'I think I am better than you' and yes, it is generally a human trait and the more insecure a person is in themselves, generally the judgier they are.

And life has taught me that those people which you wouldn't necessarily bond with because of the way they look, they can turn out to be very good friends. So I do my damn best not to be too judgemental, otherwise I could be cutting off my nose to spite my face.

LittleMissBliss Sun 20-Jul-08 20:01:44

JimJam all those reasons are true but why should people not be able to express their opinion. Especially when at the end of the day we're all thinking it!

Anna8888 Sun 20-Jul-08 20:01:49

I am completely at a loss to understand why "judging" is considered reprehensible on MN.

No-one can get through life without passing judgement on others. Lots of jobs require one to judge others as their main content.

paolosgirl Sun 20-Jul-08 20:03:36

It depends on what you're judging. If you're judging the selfish acts, say, of those people that double park outside schools, you're not saying "I'm better than them", you're judging the selfish, inconsiderate act - and if you agree that this is a selfish etc act, I'll bet you that you probably form friendships with people who tend to share the same values.

Judging is not about being better - it's about establishing what your values and morals are.

ranting Sun 20-Jul-08 20:03:40

But I must confess that I am now judging you for your use of write instead of rightwink

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