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The play group bully attacked my DS3...............

(57 Posts)
emmatmg Tue 01-Feb-05 12:35:27

I'll probably get shot down for telling/posting this but I just had a "red mist" incident and want you see if you think I've over reacted.


The playgroup bitter/snatcher/pusher is followed everywhere by his mum or gran to stop the bite/snatch etc. They do an OK job as he is quite hard work so he's not watched the whole time. One bite to a baby today but nothing to serious, A few week ago it was a different story so one little girl he bite.

Ok, I know some children bite etc, and the fact that he's followed to stop it is good, they try to pre-empt(sp?) him. This is not the reason for my "red mist" though.

Right, he was on the top step of the slide with my Ds3 sitting on the floor behind him. DS3 was fiddling with the bottom step so I was hovering around to make sure his finger didn't get trod on. Fingers were the least of my concern!!!
The other child turned around, looked at ds3 and started KICKING HIM IN THE HEAD!!!!!!!!!!

I absolutley lost it. Scooped Ds3 up and shouted at the child somthing like "That is very naughty, you don't kick people" His Gran was over the other side of the hall at the time. She apologised but TBH, I was so mad I couldn't tell you what she said. She put the child in in buggy and the came back to say sorry again (asked if he'd drawn blood!) and I accepted her apologies but told her she should really do a better job of watching him.

I do feel quite embarrassed that I told him off but it was so vicious I just couldn't believe my eyes. If DS3 had been the kicker I would understand 100% him being told off my the mum and the gran seemed really embarrassed the whole thing.

Writting it all down now I don't think I did over-react BUT I suspect alot of other mums are talking about me now.

JPM Tue 01-Feb-05 12:38:38

I don't think you over reacted at all - you're protecting one of the most prescious things in your life!! I hope the gran felt very embarrassed !!

NameChangingMancMidlander Tue 01-Feb-05 12:39:51

I don;t think you were at all unreasonable. I'd have done exactly the same thing. You didn't start screaming and swearing like a banshee at the boy or his family, you stood up for DS3 and made it clear that you were unhappy with the little boys behaviour, accepted an apology and ended it there. No problem on your part, that I can see.

nutcracker Tue 01-Feb-05 12:39:58

No i don't think you over reacted, he could have done him some serious damage kicking him in the head, and what if he'd caught his eye.

I would probably have just picked mine up and walked off, but then later wished i has said something so, no i don't think you did wrong.

weightwatchingwaterwitch Tue 01-Feb-05 12:40:51

I'd have been furious too Emma, I don't think you overreacted really, since they know he's like this they should have been supervising appropriately imo. Thank goodness you were hey?

nm Tue 01-Feb-05 12:41:03

At least the gran was apologetic - she did what she could BUT I am not excusing his behaviour and understand your point of view. Maybe being told off by another adult (ie not family) will have an effect on the child.

Hope your little one is ok.

Newbarnsleygirl Tue 01-Feb-05 12:56:04

A similar thing happened to my dd last week except she was bitten.
My response to the mum was "oh well these things happen" but when I came away I thought, no I should have said something as dd was obviously in alot of pain and she still has a mark on her hand now.
It just got me that the mum was sat with her back to her son and was too busy gabbing with her mates to notice what he was doing.
That attack was obviously more vicious and I'm sure most would have done the same.
If the other mums were looking, they were probably thinking, at last someone has said something!
Hope he's ok anyway.

emmatmg Tue 01-Feb-05 13:00:56

nm, DS3 was screaming his head off, understandably, the other child didn't even bat a eyelid.


I still can't quite believe what I saw TBH, Ok it was my DS3 who was the latest "victim" (for want of a better word) but I've seen this child in action alot of times before, this was awful though, my child or not........it's really shocked me. I'd be ashamed if he was mine

jellyhead Tue 01-Feb-05 13:11:03

My dd was bitten once in the park. She was playing with another little girl and they were the only ones there. My dd started crying and said 'she bit me' holding up her arm with red/ purple bite mark.
The other mum looked at it and said XXX never bites and walked off. I was so amazed I never said a word. I wish I had reacted as it was a nasty bite and the little girl didn't even learn to say sorry when you inflict pain on another!!

Poshpaws Tue 01-Feb-05 13:11:12

How old was this boy? Not excusing him, but I'm glad the gran reacted the way she did, ie telling him off, getting him to apologise, etc.

DS was told off at nursery for hitting someone in the face - I was mortified, made him apologise. I KNOW I don't raise him to behave this way and sometimes it is the age(although in that situation, not sure that I wouldn't have had red mist too)

This is similar to what happened with my nepwhew at his birthday party. 2 boys who were nothing to to with the party (it was held at a soft-play area) started kicking one of the invited guests. The boy was crying his eyes out. The bullies' mum was nattering away to her friend and it wasn't until my sis and the boy's mum spotted that he was being beaten up and intervened that the mum came over and stopped them. When my sis friend's son would not accept the apology from the boys (very upset 5 year old), the mum got uppity with him, his mum and my sis!!

Hope your little man is ok now and that you gave him lots of hugs (and chocolate )

SeaShells Tue 01-Feb-05 13:11:54

Perhaps what he needs is a good shouting at more often!

emmatmg Tue 01-Feb-05 13:18:16

Poshpaw, he didn't apologise, the gran did.

Ds3 is 16 month, the boy is about 26 months, certainly no younger than 2yrs. Which is why I thought I'd over reacted, he's only little but, no I didn't over -react, he's a vicious little sh!t.


Sorry, still mad as hell now.

Poshpaws Tue 01-Feb-05 13:21:56

Emma, am not suggesting that you over-reacted. I actually said that I would probably react the same in the situation you were in.

Also said that age is not an excuse, but can be a reason. However, being as this boy is considerably older (in age and average developmental terms) then yes, you reacted fairly.

Mis read - thought gran had got him to apologise, which if he has basic language skills, she should have done.

emmatmg Tue 01-Feb-05 13:24:36

PP, no no no I know you wasn't suggest whatever.

My post does sound abit shitty, not intended though.

Apologies m'dear.

Poshpaws Tue 01-Feb-05 13:26:33

Apologies accepted, fellow Wallington girl. Can defo undertand how raw it is for you.

Can promise you it was not my DS though

crunchie Tue 01-Feb-05 13:28:08

I am sure the gran felt really embarassed and you reacted to the issue as you saw fit. TBH I don't think you over-reacted and the gran did apologize. So what if the other mothers are talking about you. They are probably saying 'welldone'

Swilt Tue 01-Feb-05 13:28:09

I do understand your reaction to this incident and agree that this type of behaviour is unacceptable but what more could the gran do other that apologise?

emmatmg Tue 01-Feb-05 13:29:00



Is your Ds still at the ross rd nursery? still enjoying it?

misdee Tue 01-Feb-05 13:29:18

i think she wants him kept a closer eye on next time.

hope your ds is ok now.

Chandra Tue 01-Feb-05 13:29:31

Emmatmg, I don't think you over reacted... the nasty person in me would have whispered to this boy "if you dare to do it again I would come back and kick your head off, do you understand???" fortunately, is the voice of reason who always wins and me, and being the chicken I am, I would say something like "darling, be careful, you are kicking DS's head" and then go back to my house fuming! I think you acted correctly.

woodpops Tue 01-Feb-05 13:30:11

No you didn't over react. I had a simmilar thing happen at my toddler group. 1 woman who is an absolute pain in the @rse and you try and avoid at all costs. (you know the type, I bet every group have one). Anyway her sons are a nightmare. Luckily though only 1 comes now as the other is at nursery so they're not both there to wind each other up. This particular week both her ds took to bullying my ds pushing him at every opertunity. She saw every incident and still didn't tell them off. The final straw came when 1 little runt put a sit on car right behind ds while the other shoved him ds went with such a thund and whacked his head of the floor after falling over the car. I scooped a crying ds up and shouted very loudly this womans name for crying out loud sort you sons out, this isn't on. The whole room went deadly silent and she just said boys you musn't do that!!! I couldn't believe it. Still winds me up now. She also tells othre peoples kids off 'that's naughty you musn't stand on chairs' etc and that also really winds me up as what right does she have to tell other peoples kids off when she doesn't tell her own IYKWIM.

The gran should have made the child appologise himself though before removing him from the situation.

Poshpaws Tue 01-Feb-05 13:32:42

Yep - he's still there. He has actually become more aggrssive since going there . Shall blame the hormone surge....

emmatmg Tue 01-Feb-05 13:34:17

exactly that misdee.
I know they can't be watched all the time and he's got to have some independence but honestly, it was the way he turned around, almost to check he had a target and started kicking.

He goes to that same playgroup as me tomorrow too so I will have to bite my tongue I'm sure.

chandra, I like your style....I could have quite easily said that to him..........little ######

misdee Tue 01-Feb-05 13:37:06

about the boy apoligusing tho, my dd2 is 28months old and doesnt get 'sorry' but knows when she has done wrong. if i tell her to say sorry to someone she will lie on the floor and cover her eyes as she knows she has been naughty.

PuffTheMagicDragon Tue 01-Feb-05 13:40:56

Sounds like the child needs constant supervision from the adult who is with him, which is very wearing, but necessary if he is continually attacking other children.

Is the little boy brought for the whole session? I'm surprised his gran or whoever, doesn't limit the amount of time he's there - better to have a short, but successful trip to playgroup, than a longer, disastrous one.

We all know that kicking in the head is extremely dangerous. You didn't overreact IMO.

Has anyone had a quiet word with whoever runs the playgroup?

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