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STILL don't know what we're going to do . . . . .

11 replies

doggiewalker · 24/01/2005 19:49

For those who followed previous threads about my DH being offered a job in Cardiff (because he is due to be made redundant) that would entail a relocation for the NW (I couldn't find the threads to link, sorry) - here's some news.

DH has now been offered another job, in Liverpool which would not entail a relocation. The job is not as good as the one in Cardiff, but I think if he had been offered this one first there would have been no issue.

The dilemma now is: do we go to Cardiff, and DH get the job he has wanted but there is a lot of upheaval (to say the least, I was v. upset at first about the though of moving but had come round to the idea); or, does he accept the job in Liverpool just because it is the "easier" option?

I hate this. Just feel so torn now. Thanks for reading.

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HunkerMunker · 24/01/2005 19:52

Does the job in Liverpool have prospects? Or is the one in Cardiff his dream job which he will always hate himself for turning down? Is he 'career-motivated'? Will it mean you leaving a job you love?

Hugs, hun. A crystal ball would be handy in this situation...I wish I had one for you!

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doggiewalker · 24/01/2005 19:55

Too right HM. the job in Liverpool is a fairly senior position anyway but not THE senior position IYKWIM. But yes, there may be some room for movement upwards. I also think that if he chooses that job for the next 2/3 years, he can then try to get a more senior position that is more local. I think he'll enjoy the liverpool job. He would have also enjoyed the Cardiff job but there are more risks with that of course, mostly being, if he doesn't fit in or doesn't enjoy it, and we have made the commitment to move, well, we're buggered to say the least.

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doggiewalker · 24/01/2005 19:57

I do work, but only part-time as a Classroom Assistant, and yes I would miss it and I would miss my friends, but we don't have family here so that's not an issue, and I think I would be able to find another job without too much difficulty. I worry about the ds's though, changing school etc. I don't know ifthe Cardiff job was his "dream job" but it was the natural progression, and he has been trying for well over 12 months to get a job 'cos he knew the redundancy was coming.

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miam · 24/01/2005 20:00

Tough one dw. Didn't read the last thread but congrats to dh on the job offers! I think I would take into consideration moving away from any family first of all. I moved away from mine for a few years, and missed them all so much we had to relocate and move back so would not consider going far again. That may not be a problem for you though if you do not live near any family anyway. How would your child/children feel about moving (provided they are old enough to understand the situation)? Would it entail moving schools/nurseries and how do you feel about that? How strongly does dh feel about taking the job in Cardiff? You still sound very unsure about moving so my gut feeling would be to opt for the nearer job for the time being. Perhaps you have not had long enough to really prepare yourself for such a big move. Lastly, why do you and you hubby not sit down and write a list of all the pros and cons of taking each job. Still, a very difficult decision. At the end of the day though, should you opt to relocate and it doesn't work out, you can always move back again like we did. Hope it all works out for you. xx

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doggiewalker · 24/01/2005 20:32

Thanks Miam.

We probably haven't really had time to think about it. DH got the Cardiff offer just before Xmas and the liverpool offer last week. DS's are 11 and 9 yrs old and are so/so about moving. They understand if we have to but would probably prefer not to if pushed. We did a list and the Liverpool job came out on top. I just don't want DH to regret not taking the job, but I do feel he would have other opportunities round here in the next few years.

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miam · 24/01/2005 20:41

Sounds like you have already made your mind up dw! And reading between the lines it does not sound like dh has absolutely set his heart on the Cardiff job. As long as you and the children are happy I am sure that he will heppy too and if that means him taking a job closer to home, then I'm sure he will gladly do that. It is lovely that you are so considerate of his needs and feelings though.

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doggiewalker · 24/01/2005 20:47

Yes it probably does sound like our minds are made up Miam but I think that's only the tone of my posts. I realised afterwards that I'd referred to the Cardiff job in the Past tense, but it really is still in the running, although I was surprised that DH had as many arguments against moving as he came out with. DH is 43 now and I worry that in a few years time he may be considered too old to take the top job.

It's great to have 2 job offers to choose from though isn't it? Especially after having tried for so long.

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miam · 24/01/2005 20:52

dw - I know - it says a lot for your dh to be so much in demand!! You both sound like a lovely close couple, and I'm sure that whatever path you choose you will work it out successfully together. Will you let us know how things work out?

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Lonelymum · 24/01/2005 20:53

I have been going through similar dilemma now for months as dh has tried to find the job. He thought he had and has just been sacked from it! Fortunately the other job in the equation may still be open fo him but, like you, we would have to move (funnily enough to near Cardiff). Anyway, I wanted to say, poor you, I know how you feel, being the one who has to act on dh's decision. I feel a bit like a spare part sometimes, do you? Your dh needs to decide which job is the best prospects-wise and daily living-wise but there is a lot to be said for taking the job in Liverpool so you don't have to move. That is what my dh did and, although it has gone pear-shaped now, we have the consolation of knowing we didn't uproot the children for it.

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doggiewalker · 24/01/2005 21:02

Hope it works out for you and your dh Lonelymum. It's a very difficult time at the moment.

I'm sure Cardiff is a lovely place to live though and people say the schools are very good. I could be a lady of leisure again!

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doggiewalker · 25/01/2005 20:20

DH came home today saying he has 95% made up his mind to take the Liverpool job. He has yet to speak to Cardiff to tell them he won't be going, and it's not going to be pleasant.

Thanks to all of you, especially Cardiffians who gave me lots of advice about the area. I'll post again when I know for definite.