Childless Friends

[horseshoe]

Does any one else know of people who although childless...think they know everything about how to bring up a child????? How do you cope with that without needing to say something...It's always my friend this and I wouldn't do that...aaarrgggghhhhhh

[nomore]

laugh. If they ever have kids they'll appreciate you reminding them of your words of wisdom.........

[vict17]

I know a couple. I just smile and think to myself 'you'll find out when you have them'!!!!

[Toothache]

God yes! Does my head in!!!! It's even worse when they are pregnant with there 1st child.... that's the only time in their life that they will know EVERYTHING about being the perfect parent. LOL what a fright they get when the little one pops out!

[myermay]

Message withdrawn

[suzywong]

nope, cut them right out of my life almost 4 years ago

Have some old childless friends who have moved over here recenlty but they now have a puppy so I feel I can be with them

[motherinferior]

No, my lovely child-free friends leave me to get on with the kids, are fab with said kids, and also allow me fantastic, child-free time doing Adult Stuff.

[horseshoe]

My friend in particular trys to tell me about all sorts but she always manages to make it sound like im in the wrong. If I'm saying about nurseries she will tell me private is the only was to go as her niece is in private and she is so much better than other children.....and her niece doesn't eat this and the birth was the worst possible. I feel like saying b*llocks... Just because I might not send my daughter to nursery or allow her mcdonalds once in a blue moon doesn't mean i'm crap and as for the birth?? Was she actually there??? NO.

[horseshoe]

HE HE Actually come to think of it...I used to be the same with my sister

[nailpolish]

my childless friends only call me to find out if i want to have a night out, i say no, am skint/dh is working late and dont have a babysitter/etc etc etc

think they are getting fed up, as they say, cant you ask a neighbour or something? bring baby along and they can sleep under the table, daft things like that.

[fisil]

I thought my childless (sworn never to have kids) friend was going to be a nightmare when I was expecting ds. When I went back to work and ds was 6 months I left her to look after him for 3 days. She is strangely reformed!

[horseshoe]

TBH she isn't really a friend of mine just a colleague. I would of got rid of her long ago had she been a friend.

She always appears to be in competition with me about anything and this is another thing. If I had a certain experience she's had one better type thing.

Alot of the time she is quite insulting and I find it hard to understand that she might not actually realise she is being insulting. For eg. I had a wedding booked, she came in a few weeks later saying she was getting married and i asked her when and she said the time the same as mine. She actually booked it for a month after so was she saying that just to try and upset me???? It worked as I didn't want to be in competition with someone. It took all the fun away and I cancelled the wedding. Never told her that it was because of her. Maybe should of done.

[Twiglett]

It is only people who are childless who actually know everything on how to bring up a child

its cos they haven't got one that they are so theoretically wise

I was before I had kids

I seem to have forgotted lots though since I had kids

[horseshoe]

Same here....thats why I have to come here to MN to get advice

[vict17]

Twiglett I was the same! When I was pregant I read quite a few childcare books and thought to myself smugly that I would do a muc better job than family and friends. So glad I kept my feelings to myself as of course once ds was here I realised I knew nothing and haven't read a parenting book since!!

[Twiglett]

I have forgotteN not forgotteD .. see I told you I forgot loads

[wilbur]

My problem is that most of my bestest friends are child-free and I am very aware that they long to have children of their own (they are either without man/with man who hates children/having fertility problems etc). They are brilliant with mine, offer babysitting, always give presents at Xmas and b'days, fantastic if we go away together and a great release for me on non-mummy nights out. But I do feel I should soft-pedal the talk about sprogs, no complaining and no boasting either, in case that is insensitive. It's hard sometimes. Thankfully, none of them would ever dare tell me what to do, although I do have friends with older kids who give endless advice and raised eyebrows about my children - I think they've just forgotten what 4 yrs olds and 20 monthers are like....

[Caligula]

I think a lot of the problem is that as a society, we have tended to go in for apartheid, meaning that quite often, childless people may never see a child except for three hours once every six months on a special occasion.

In the past, there was much more inter-generational contact, social occasions were much more intergenerational, so people actually knew what children were like, even if they didn't have them themselves.

[Casmie]

myermay: there is a good reason not to give kids mobile phones with keylocks on as I have discovered - keylock doesn't stop 999 or 112 going through to the emergency services .

Ds1 now has one of our old mobiles without a battery to play with

[hatstand]

I once read that the best parents are the ones who don't have kids. It can easily be used as a gentle put down for childless well-meaning friends. It's not only childless friends though. I was talking to a friend who has a 20 month old and he was complaining about another friend's 3 and 6 year olds. He found "I like your Christmas tree but it's not as big as ours" offensive rather than an innocent statement of fact; he was suprised that a 3-year old hasn't mastered the social skill of pretending to like a present when he actually doesn't; and was upset that the 3 year old asked why they hadn't bought presents for the mum and dad. He'll learn.

[wilbur]

Excellent hatstand - oh yes, he will learn. Wait till his little darling asks their 14yr old cousin why she has train tracks on her teeth, like ds did last year.

[MrsFogi]

I'd be very gentle with these childless people. You may be dealing with someone who is/was desparate to have kids but can't and thinks they know loads about kids becase they spend half their life on mumsnet!

[wilbur]

That's very true MrsF and I do make a huge effort not ever to come across as smugmummy (esp as that used to get right up my nose from friend who had children when I did not!) Also, there are times when I hear about child-free friends planning to slob out on a Sunday afternoon in front of the telly eating ice cream, or putting their sparkling shoes on to go to a smart bar for drinks and I get really quite .

[horseshoe]

I agree, Im always extremely careful about the childless thing esp as I work with people who i know cant have them.....The person in particular I am thinking about just turns everything into a competition and it rubs me up the wrong way.....Especially since she will openly admit that she hates the thought of ever having children and doesn't believe that in this society it is fair to have them!! Another dig at me maybe??? I dont know.

[Caligula]

Blimey Horseshoe, I think you're remarkably forbearing! How dare she make an offensive remark like that to you? How would she feel if you sat there and said people who don't have children are really selfish, expecting other people to produce the next generation of workers?

I agree people should be sensitive about the non-children thing, but tbh, I don't see any need whatsoever to be sensitive to someone as insensitive as your colleague!