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Verbal Abuse - What would you do?

(43 Posts)
BubblesDeVere Wed 12-Jan-05 15:46:45

Just thought that I would pick everyones brains.

About 2 years ago I had an argument with a mum at school (out of school hours)We were never friends but had a row over someone else. Since then we have ignored each other completely which is fine by me as I never liked her.

Since that time, whenever a) I am on my own either with or without the children b) she is with friends

I get called names, like today for instance, I had dd2 in my arms and was walking past her when she glared at me and called me Fat Fu**er. A while ago whilst I was walking with dd1 and dd2 she walked past with her kids and grabbed her son who is 6 and said 'Move in move in, keep ahold of your sweets Fat Fu**er passing'.

She never does in when she is on her own or when my dh is with me.

It doesn't bother me, I know I am fat and I'm actively doing something about it, but, what I don't like is the fact that she says it in front of my children and also her own.

She is from a very rough family and she loves causing a scene and being the centre of attention, so me having a go at her is exactly what she wants and I am better than that.

Any ideas?

lowcalCOD Wed 12-Jan-05 15:48:31

do it back?

aloha Wed 12-Jan-05 15:49:16

oh my goodness, how awful! Is she doing this at school in front of others? I feel at a loss to advise really, except to say how horrific she sounds and you have my greatest sympathy. It would upset me quite a lot, I think.

lowcalCOD Wed 12-Jan-05 15:50:15

if she likes the attention I woudl smile nicely at her as she says it I think
I ma trying htis with my ex chair of governors with whol i h ad the hassle

BubblesDeVere Wed 12-Jan-05 15:50:41

Yes she does it in front of other people, she loves it when she is the centre of attention. when she is on her own she completely ignores me. If I I said something back she would start screaming and shouting in front of the kids which is what I don't want.

Sponge Wed 12-Jan-05 15:50:48

Get a t-shirt made with "fat fucker and proud" on the front and wear it when you're going to see her. Should take the wind out of her sails.

galaxy Wed 12-Jan-05 15:50:50

I know it must be hard and very upsetting but you should just hold your head high and be proud that you aren't a complete bullying bitch like she is.

Sorry, I can't offer any more advice but in my experience, people like this never change and if they see they're hurting you, they'll just get worse.


BubblesDeVere Wed 12-Jan-05 15:51:05

She has also said a few times that she knows where I live and where the kids play.

PuffTheMagicDragon Wed 12-Jan-05 15:51:13

How awful Bubbles .

I think you are currently doing the right thing by not stooping to her level.

Is it very difficult to avoid her?

aloha Wed 12-Jan-05 15:51:47

I'm sure other people are very, very shocked and horrified by how she is behaving. It really isn't a good way to impress people IMO!

lowcalCOD Wed 12-Jan-05 15:51:48

oh okt hne tryt he smiling
rally un nerves them that
think of sponges t shirta s you do it adn try not to cry.
is iti school related the argument?
may the class teeacher help?

Marina Wed 12-Jan-05 15:52:14

I wouldn't tackle her myself - as you've identified, she is a rough and deeply stupid woman, she might physically assault you Bubbles.
I would ignore her, that's what really gets to bullies, and tell your children that she is a poor thing who can't help being offensive in public, and the kindest thing is to pretend you didn't hear her.
The thread on put-downs reminds me of Margot Asquith and Winston Churchill:
She: Sir, you are drunk!
He: So I am, madam, but tomorrow I will be sober whereas you will still be ugly.
You're doing something about your weight, more power to you, but this woman will always be saddled with her nasty character. Good luck Bubbles.

lowcalCOD Wed 12-Jan-05 15:52:17

"ok then try the smiling"

BubblesDeVere Wed 12-Jan-05 15:52:23

Her son and my daughter are in the same year at school. I have to walk past his class to get to dd1's.

CarrieG Wed 12-Jan-05 15:52:36

Laugh your head off & say 'At least I can diet, you'll always be ugly & ignorant' & then walk off shaking your head patronisingly...?

woodpops Wed 12-Jan-05 15:53:36

Next time the foul mouthed ogre says anything say very loudly to your children come on kids come on kids we don't need to listen to this, 'it's not her kids fault if they're dragged up'. Swearing like that just says it all doesn't it?? I wouldn't lower yourself to her level by swearing left right and centre. At least you can sleep at night safe in the knowledge that your kids are being brought up where as hers are being dragged up!!!!!

Good luck

hercules Wed 12-Jan-05 15:54:03

I would be tempted to speak to the police. God knows if they can do anything though. Poor you. What an ignorant person

PuffTheMagicDragon Wed 12-Jan-05 15:54:49

Is she saying this stuff to you whilst on school premises?

lowcalCOD Wed 12-Jan-05 15:55:06

I woudl advise against that tuohg as it will just start it off agin and as you say you can cope witht he silence

BubblesDeVere Wed 12-Jan-05 15:55:50

I'll try the smiling bit.

The argument isn't school related, it was to do with her mothers step daughter who was a friend of mine, she was abusing and threatening her and because I was this womans friend she started on me just because I was there. I kept quiet until she threatened my kids and then I blew, she was heavily pregnant and did her best to get me to hit her.

woodpops Wed 12-Jan-05 15:56:16

OMG when I started typing there was only one other post on here now look at it. People like her don't deserve to be mummies. It makes me so angry

BubblesDeVere Wed 12-Jan-05 15:57:38

Puff, I happens mainly on the school premises, today I was just going in to collect dd1 and she was coming out with her son, she said it with her baby in her arms.

CarrieG Wed 12-Jan-05 16:00:08

Are there any witnesses will back you up? The school I teach at had a mum who behaved like this to other parents - the Head banned her sorry ass from the premises.

Fimbo Wed 12-Jan-05 16:02:16

What an appalling woman Bubbles. Sorry I can't add anything to what has already been posted - I really cannot believe people who think there is nothing wrong with swearing infront of kids but its always the same kind of mentality that do it.

PuffTheMagicDragon Wed 12-Jan-05 16:03:27

Definitely try to stay serene and calm if you can and completely ignore her. Strike up a conversation with your children when you know you are likely to be in her vicinity and make no acknowledgement of her at all, just carry on talking to your children as if nothing else is happening.

If she's saying this stuff to you on school premises and it carries on, I would go and talk to the Head about it as I'm sure he/she would not be happy with this kind of behaviour by an adult in the school.

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