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Feeling like a bad mum but also angry at dh.

(25 Posts)
misdee Sat 08-Jan-05 16:54:59

dh had left some codeine pills in our bedroom b4 he went into hospital. i didnt know. all medication (apart dd1 inhalors currently in use, which stay in her room) is kept in cupboard in kicthen. dd2 managed to get hold of the codeine this morning. i wasnt sure if she had taken any, so had to go to a+e. my dad went to speak to dh (who is currently in hospital)to see how many were left in the pack, and it looked like dd2 had taken 2 or 3 tablets. so we had to spend 4 hrs at hospital for observation. she is thankfully ok. just feeling very angry at dh, who is usually so careful with meds etc, for leaving this very strong pills where dd2 could get them. i am going to see him tonight, and i know he'll be feeling guilty but i am scared i might just yell at him and not actually speak to him IYKWIM.

tillykins Sat 08-Jan-05 16:57:46

Oh misdee, I know if it were me, I would want to scream and yell and thump him
But you know how easy it is to make a mistake like this, how many times have people posted on here about forgetting the stairgate, or not fastening the carseat or buggy straps
Its a mistake, nothing more - try to forgive him and be thankful no harm was done

Sorry to hear your dh is in hospital - I hope its not serious
Tilly

misdee Sat 08-Jan-05 16:59:57

i kow it would be that he took them the night b4 he went in, and didnt put them back in the cupboard, but just feel so angry still. i was in tears this morning. it was dd1, who is only 4, who let me know that dd2 had the pills, as i was making a cuppa and toast.

oops Sat 08-Jan-05 17:00:07

Message withdrawn

tillykins Sat 08-Jan-05 17:00:34

And you are not at bad mum at all - why would you be? None of us have eyes in the back of our heads, nor can you watch your children every second.

tentunturq Sat 08-Jan-05 17:16:13

misdee it sounds like you've both got so much on your minds at the moment that there was bound to be a slip up sooner or later. You're neither of you bad parents at all but these things just do happen sometimes. Thank god all was well and won't ever happen again now you've had the shock of it. Hope your dh is better soon.

misdee Sat 08-Jan-05 17:19:40

Just far too much going on. its been nothing but mad here the last month.

Cha Sat 08-Jan-05 17:27:35

The same thing happened to us with a packet of paracetemol and it was horrible - I really know how you feel, misdee. Luckily no harm came of it but afterwards I really felt as oops has put it. It was an accident. But my dp really blamed me and was HORRIBLE to me (it was not me who left them in the bedroom, it was a friend who stayed over) and made the whole thing even more upsetting. I felt responsible and guilty and sick that it could have been so much worse but him having a go made me feel so angry. Why does the household become your domaine if you are a woman and therefore anything bad that happens in it is your fault?
What you are hanging on to is that your dp did not do it on purpose - as you said, he is normally v careful about things - maybe he forgot them because he wasn't feeling well? Even if he was fine, it was an accident. He will be feeling awful and guilt ridden and if he's anything like me, having someone have a go at him will make things horrible between you, when there is no need.
I know how angry you are feeling and its majorly resourceful of you to come on MN and let off steam! Wish my dp had half your strength . And what a responsible dd you have bought up, pat on your back for that. Hope all goes well at the hospital tonight....

edam Sat 08-Jan-05 17:29:32

Misdee, thank goodness dd2 is OK.
I can see why you are angry but it's just an unfortunate accident. You are all only human, after all. And it will make both of you more careful.
If it's any help, ds may have taken some rat poison last month . I was washing up while he got pots and pans out of the cupboard, as toddlers do. Turned round to see him licking his lips and with a fistful of something. To my horror, looked in cupboard and there, at the very back, behind lots of tall stuff, was a tray marked 'Rentokil'. I don't think he actually ate any, but couldn't be sure. Grabbed him, of course, and chucked the contents of his hand in the sink and washed his hand. After lots of fuss, turns out, according to the Poisons Unit, that even if he had managed to get one or two granules of warfarin, it wouldn't have done him any harm. And he was fine.
I can't describe how angry I was with dh - turns out he saw this tray under the fridge when we moved in and for some indescribably stupid reason, put it in the back of a cupboard. Thank God ds didn't take enough to make him ill - a very close shave.
So compared to my dh deliberately leaving an anti-coagulant in a ground-level cupboard (a food cupboard, FFS), you dh isn't sooooo bad, is he?

misdee Sat 08-Jan-05 17:30:37

dd1 is very sensible about meds etc, as its a major part of out lives, and has been since she was little. dd2 is just naturally more inquestive than dd1. and i forget she can reach a lot higher than dd1 could at the same age.

Thank god for mumsnet, i'll be a river of calm when i get there tonight.

misdee Sat 08-Jan-05 17:31:35

dh has his own supply of rat poisen for hismelf

edam Sat 08-Jan-05 17:52:56

If I had any left, it would be on its way to you now...

sallystrawberry Sat 08-Jan-05 17:59:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

misdee Sat 08-Jan-05 21:02:40

sally, thats scary! we are starting to educate dd2 about medicines etc, but felt the nurse at the hospital didnt help matters when she asked her if she had had any sweeties that morning It will be reported to my HV, but hopefully it wont go further than that.

Twiglett Sat 08-Jan-05 21:14:27

Oh bugger misdee

Thank god DD is OK though

I understand how furious you must be, but remember we could all have done it .. especially when feeling as poorly as your DH has been ... I can imagine myself not thinking straight when I have a bad cold .. let alone pneumonia

Hope he's feeling better soon .. hope you can forgive and forget

Twiglett Sat 08-Jan-05 21:16:19

DS (almost 4) also loves medicine and keeps asking to have some whenever DD is having calgel or calpol

We also have strong drugs in our house for DH .. (methotrexate and celebrex to name but 2) and keep them in the top of a kitchen cabinet ..and I keep meaning to get a lockable cabinet

must do that must do that

misdee Sat 08-Jan-05 21:16:29

oh i didnt yell at hime. was very calm, and just said we need to get the lockable cupboard up ASAP, and maybe get another one, to make sure we have room for all medication. As when we have pciked up dh months supply, plus the kids eczema creams they do take up a fair bit of room.

misdee Sat 08-Jan-05 21:16:58

twiglett, ikea do one for about £15.

oops Sat 08-Jan-05 21:38:18

Message withdrawn

misdee Sat 08-Jan-05 21:41:50

i was in a state this morning, my mum phoned just as was gonna dial 999. so my parents took us to the hospital. if dh had been at home then things would've been worse. as it was i had 4hr in a+e to calm down and not lash out at him, but still was feeling angry this afternoon.

moschops Sat 08-Jan-05 22:10:48

my friends little girl has a 'little girl' habit of playing with the handbags of visitors who go round, as well as playing with mummys handbag when she is not looking.

i know i usually keep painkillers in my handbag, and as my friend said, it wasn't until she found her dd with a packet of painkillers in her hand and her emptied out handbag at her feet, that she realised this was a 'before children' habit that she now had to get out of.

its an every day thing that i would not think twice about........

the advantage of my friends all having kiddies before me is i have had a lot of these little things brought to my attention already!

misdee Sat 08-Jan-05 22:16:16

i have to take my diabetes testing kit out of my bag each time i come in, as otherwise dd2 will try and play with it.

slug Sun 09-Jan-05 12:55:03

In his defense misdee, I reguarly have to take coedine based pain killers. I keep them by the bed in case of waking up with a migraine (the worst possible scenario). One of the side effects of coedine is they can make you very dopey, and as a result forgetful. We've solved the problem by having a small lockable box by my side of the bed. I keep the coedine in there and the key is just too small and fiddly for the small one's fingers to work.

hoxtonchick Sun 09-Jan-05 12:58:22

we have an ikea medicine cabinet (i have lots of diabetes medication & needles) up high on the bathroom wall - really reccommend it.

misdee Sun 09-Jan-05 13:15:23

Slug, i kow codeine can make you dopey, as i was perscribed it when i was pregnant with dd2. It was just so scary as i'm sure you can imagine. I may even get a medicine cabinet fitted in the bedroom as well.

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