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Finally decided I have to let my cats go...

(38 Posts)
bitashamed Fri 07-Jan-05 08:43:02

I've changed my name for this as I'm a bit ashamed to admit it to anyone. I have 2 cats, 1 a rescue and 1 i've had since a kitten. They're both about 4. Since dd was born we've been struggling to cope with them as well as our very old dog. They hate dd and seem to spend all day mewing at the door then as soon as we let them in they run riot or immediately start mewing to get back out again. They've also started doing the toilet indoors again even though we've got a part of the garden set aside for them to do their businesss in. Dh is getting REALLY stressed by it because hr feels they are ruining indoors and outdoors (he just laid expensive gravel- I know, I did warn him). The main problem is the expense. I only work PT and we're now struggling to pay insurance, vaccinations, food, cattery fees when we're away at family etc as well as the extra expenses from dd's nursery etc, not to mention an arthritic dog.

PLease don't hink badly of me but I've got to the stage where I think it would be better if they were rehomed. I love them to bits but I feel that they aren't being looked after properly now because we don't have the same amount of time to care for them and because of dd they seem to be outside a great deal. We have a cat flap on our shed but it's so cold that I worry about them at night- I just can't let them in though because they always poo and it's unhygienic woth dd about.
Does anyone know about asking the RSPCA to rehome them? Is there any chance they would be put to sleep if they weren't rehomed? If that was the case I would never let them go.

Sorry for ranting so much but it has gone on for so long now that I feel it is the best soltuion for all of us, even them. I would love to know they were in a loving home where thay got all the attention they deserve

lilsmum Fri 07-Jan-05 08:50:27

bitashamed, i dont think badly of you, if its really not working out its best for them to go (i do understand i have 3 cats, dd 11mth, and just got a puppy for dh mainly aaaarrrggghhh)it shows you care about the cats because you realise they will get more attention etc at another home, the problem is unfortunatley most people want kittens!!! the rspca will charge you to take them i think but they have a policy they wont be put down, the donation you give will go towards food for them etc, might be worth ringing around different places... rspca, cats protection and other rescue centres to find out their policies etc, good luck and dont feel bad


Stripymouse Fri 07-Jan-05 08:51:02

Good for you - so many people have animals and keep them when they know deep down that it isn’t the right thing for the animals any more.
We had two rescue cats and were almost at this point as they were old and developed unreliable toilet habits - just not safe for small children crawling around. They both died naturally within a short space of time of each other - put to sleep - one had cancer and the other had a devastating stroke. We were fortunate to not get as far down the line as you are only because of their own life span otherwise we would have had to face rehoming - were beginning to talk about it.
Do not be ashamed - you are thnking of the best for your animals.
I would phone the RSPCA up and discuss it with them - do it while you are feeling strong rather than leave it. As for the rehoming, I think it depends on the health of the animals and your area. We got ours from a last chance centre - a woman who took in all of the cats before they were put down from the local RSPCA centre and then either rehomed them or kept them herself until their natural end - she had a huge home and loved everyone in her own eccentric and chaotic way - all looked after beautifully.

nailpolish Fri 07-Jan-05 08:52:15

i was ahsamed too when i had to let my cat go - she was a rescue from a horrible home. you tell yourself someone else can give them more time but it doesnt really help. i still use her name for all my passwords

we called the sspca and they didnt take her in - they asked if we could keep her til they found a home (which made me much happier) and they did within a week. this meant we could meet those who wanted to take her, and we could tell her about the routine she liked, etc. also we could say 'yay' or 'nay' to who we wanted as her new owners!


nailpolish Fri 07-Jan-05 08:53:36

tell them i mean

oatcake Fri 07-Jan-05 09:14:02

I was in the same situation with two of my 3. These two sisters were my babies, housebound for the first 7 years, and would not let anyone else get near them.

When we moved they weren't happy with the ginger tom who had adopted us but were tolerant, but when ds came along, they spent all their time under the bed, one vomited regularly with nerves tho not on the laminate downstairs, on the carpet under the bed upstairs! The other one, decided to do her toileting on the mat by the back door.

The two sisters spent the last 2 years shut in the kitchen and bathroom area with access outside. We ended up not seeing them (The ginger managed to get through barriers and was tolerant of ds). We found one of them dead this time last week after surgery complications and I miss her very much.

But I can't help but think, for the last 3 years, they would have been happier with no kids and a stay at home person's lap to sit on.

If your cats get that, they'll be happy.

TheDragon Fri 07-Jan-05 09:19:27

Try the Cats Protection League.

We got two rescue cats from there and eventually we left them with our neighbour when we moved. They were scared of the children and wouldn't come into the house if the boys were awake. it was far kinder to leave them behind (and the neighbour offered!) although I still miss them.

Diddlina Fri 07-Jan-05 09:23:34

Poor you. My cat is 19 and is senile and ALWAYS poos and wees on the hall floor now. Apart from that she is in good health. Apart from the hygiene issue, I am very fed up with having to constantly wash the floor (thankfully it is tiled). We have a new au pair starting next week and I think I will have to make the very sad decision to have her put to sleep (the cat not the au pair) as I don't think it is fair that she should have to deal with this as well. Neither DH or the children like the cat, so I will be the only one who misses her.

Could you take your two to Cats' Protection or to an animal sanctuary? If they are only 4 I don't think they should be that difficult to rehome. Good luck.

jodee Fri 07-Jan-05 09:55:34

There's nothing to be ashamed of, you obviously care very much about your cats. Is it bothering you that one was a rescue cat and you feel you are letting it down in some way? You are doing the best thing you can for your family. As has been suggested, contact the cats protection league and they will be happy to help you.

zippy539 Fri 07-Jan-05 10:40:35

Please don't feel bad about this - it sounds like you have everyone's best interests at heart (including the cats).

I had to get rid of my two lovely rescue cats when I moved in with DH cause cats trigger his asthma. I was absolutely gutted and bawled for days - I felt so guilty. Luckily they went to a friend of DH's who lived in the country and they blossomed on a diet of woodland creatures! I missed them terribly but knowing they were being well looked after helped loads. Do you know anyone who could take them?

secur Fri 07-Jan-05 10:46:26

Message withdrawn

Hayls Fri 07-Jan-05 12:51:13

I accidentally posted on another thread as bitashamed and it was obvious who I was so I may as well come clean. Although I am still VERY ashamed

I can't believe I did it but I just rang CPL and they've put my two cats on their waiting list as they're full atm. They said tho that if anybody wants a specific cat and mine match it they would rehome directly. I feel so awful now, cab't stop crying, it's all I seem to do just now, thankfully dd is asleep. I know it's the right thing to do but it feels so wrong.
I just watched them running around the garden witht he dog and I felt so sorry for them for giving them false hopes that they had a safe home with us. I haven't told anyone I've done it and dh is away for another week so he doesn't know either- but I know he'll agree it's the right thing to do.

Please tell me some more positive rehoming stories

nailpolish Fri 07-Jan-05 12:54:20

well my cat now lives in a house by the sea, with her new mum and dad who told me they didnt have any children. they gave me their phone no. when they left with puss and i was too scared to call, bu they called me and told me she was having a lovely time, chasing seagulls. i KNOW she is happy, and she wasnt when our baby came along. please dont feel bad, cant think what else to say, hugs xxx

secur Fri 07-Jan-05 13:03:03

Message withdrawn

sweetkitty Fri 07-Jan-05 16:49:11

I can totally sympathise with you, I have 3 indoor cats and was terrified they wouldn't get on with DD. 2 completely ignore her and one will come up and give her a "hug" now and again. I totally trust them all not to jump on her now. Toilet wise they are still the same.

I do feel guilty they are not my babies anymore and I often get to the end of the day and realise I've not fussed them once.

TwoIfBySea Fri 07-Jan-05 21:00:45

Oh I know exactly how you are feeling. Knowing that it has to be done but hating yourself for it. We had to get our puppy a new home after it didn't work out for us, he was 9 months at the time. But he was so bored being a house dog, he is now with a couple who take him to work every day, he gets four long walks and lots of attention and is as happy as a pig in the proverbial! He has a job near enough and it so suits his character, he was never meant to be a family dog but one with a purpose and near constant stimulation!

I still feel guilty about it but just know that you are doing the right thing and when your cats are settled in their new home they will be happy too. I don't think badly of you at all and neither should anyone else. There is a stigma attached when someone gives up a beloved pet, like we are the same as those who just don't care but surely it is proof of our love for our pets that we realise and understand they need a different environment?

You are doing the right thing and I hope you can find a good home for them soon. It is such a good feeling to know your pet has found their right owner. One day I hope we can get another dog - this time from a rescue centre who know a bit more about their characters and suitability, maybe you'll get another cat in the future?

((((hugs))) you are doing the right thing!

Hayls Sat 08-Jan-05 13:10:01

Thanks for this, I broke the phone cable yesterday so couldn't get back onMN. I know I'm doing the right thing but I want to make sure they go to a really good home, or at least one that's better than ours!
YOur stories did make me feel better, thanks

Lonelymum Sat 08-Jan-05 14:17:21

Hayls, I think you are doing the right thing and the fact that you are sos ad about it only shows how much you have the cats' welfare at heart.

However, can I ask a question as this thread is worrying me a bit. I have four children aged between 8 and 22 months (nearly 23 months) and we have been talking lately about getting a kitten or two as I grew up with cats and would like my children to do the same. So many of you have suggested that cats and children don't mix that I am worried about going ahead with my plan. I am sure the older children will be fine, but would any of you say that my 22/3 month old is too young to share a house with kittens? I think he would soon learn to treat them respectfully as he has been in houses with other cats before and mainly just likes to point at them, but maybe your experiences would suggest otherwise.

edam Sat 08-Jan-05 14:39:08

Hayls, as everyone else has said, I do think you are doing the right thing.
Lonelymum, as far as I can see the people with bad experiences had cats before kids and the cats didn't adjust. My parents got a cat when I was a year old and she was a very much loved member of our family for 16 years – absolutely fine with children. And her daughter lived with us to within a few days short of her 21st birthday (a very long lifespan for a cat) and again, no problems with children. I still dream about them, sometimes, and miss them! Please don't be put off getting a cat.

Lonelymum Sat 08-Jan-05 14:44:29

Thanks edam. I too have long and happy experiences with cats which I would like my children to have too. Really though it was this thread combined with another one before Christmas which said that rescue centres wouldn't give out cats to families with young children in them which made me think that my son might be too young.

Hayls Sat 08-Jan-05 16:12:24

LOnelymum, I think it is more of a problem when you introduce a baby to a cat's territory than the other way round. My dd is very rough with them but she's only 11 months so I'm sure your ds would be a lot more gentle if you explained to him. I had a look at the cpl website and they had quite a lot of factsheets and a helpline, maybe you could get some advice from them?

I'm still sad about the decision I've had to make but am dealing with it. I just spoke to dh and he agrees. We;;re going to make a donation to cpl and give away our cat carriers, bowls etc to someone who really needs them, maybe even cpl if they'll accept them.

Thanks again. Just waiting for the phone call now...and dreading it tbh

iota Sat 08-Jan-05 16:24:07

I think it all depends on the personality of the cat - my cat is very loving and good with children - he sleeps on their beds sometimes. He arrived (with his now deceased brother) as a 3 month old kitten, when my ds1 was 6 months old.

He is such an 'in your face' cat - he strolled throuh ds2's 3 yrs birthday party, fussing the kids and looking for some 'action' He is fabulous pet and the kids love him - he even come on walks to the playground with them and struts around it as if he owns the place, regardless of how many kids are there.

Pre-kids I had another gorgeous friendly cat who hated kids - when my nephews arrived at the front door he would high-tail it out of the cat-flap and not return until they'd gone.

TinyGang Sat 08-Jan-05 17:05:25

You mustn't feel bad, although I totally understand why you do. We had 2 cats at the time that our first dd arrived 6 yrs ago and they always took quite a bit of looking after. They had a habit of being sick indoors - furballs I think, despite brushing; and one was very nervous. Also one had excema and scratched himself a lot, despite medication. I think maternal feelings kicked in for me in a big way, and I'm sorry to say I really didn't want them near me so much when the new baby arrived and I certainly didn't want them around her as a newborn.

Dd arrived and we continued as before, but I see now that before I had her I traeted them a bit like children which of course pales rather next to the real thing.

The next thing was when dd was 2 and I discovered twins were on the way for us. That clinched it really and I knew we couldn't continue as we had been. We dont live in a very big house so space was going to be a difficult thing anyway. The 'sick' indoors was still a terrible issue and from a hygeine point of view, if nothing else, it was driving me nuts (vets couldn't come up with a solution). I felt very bad about it, but the cats had never been around children much before and seemed uncomfortable with one, now two more were on the way.

We have an animal rescue sanctuary (RSPCA, I think) very nearby and I discussed all this with them. I have to say that the lady I spoke to was positively vile to me about my suggetion of re-homing and made me feel even worse about the whole thing. In the end I left it and with luck, dh's brother was very keen to have one of the cats and offered him a lovely new home which we were all very happy about. The other cat (with the excema) was very old and I'm sorry to say sadly died whilst I was still pregnant, which made me feel even worse. I feel awful to this day and wonder if he just felt unwanted. Not the case - he was a lovely cat, but our cicumstances had chaged beyond all recognition.

I really do like cats, but even now 3 years on, I think it will be a very long time, if ever, that I go in for pets again. They are a huge commitment and the vet bills can be staggering - not viable with a young family who must come first.

I hope you find a solution to this. I wouldn't dream of criticising having been there myself, but the whole thing makes you feel very crappy about yourself; I know only too well and re-homing can be difficult because most people looking for a cat want a kitten.

Lonelymum Sat 08-Jan-05 17:13:12

Don't feel too bad about it Hayls. You said your cats were both about 4 so it is not as if they are really old and would not be able to come to terms with a ne home. They still have plenty of years of happy life in front of them and they have a chance of finding that in a new home (from their point of view, perhaps with an older family or no children at all?) Can they be re-housed together? That might help them to adjust too.

oxocube Sat 08-Jan-05 17:31:37

Actually, our cats are a real pain in the arse at the moment, even though I couldn't have them rehomed (for starters, no one would want them!) We have 3 cats - 2 moggies and a Siamese. The Siamese is fine although he does tend to spray up the curtains if not watched closely. The other 2 pee and poo indoors and I am so fed up finding horrible messes in our bedroom, the kids rooms etc. They are old - 14 and 15 so I tell myself they will not be around for that much longer. The trouble is, despite their disgusting habits, we all love them to bits, me, DH and the 3 kids and would miss them. I do love the fact that our children have grown up with animals and feel there is a real difference when their friends come to play who have never owned a pet: I can't put my finger on what the difference is but there is a definite something which is missing, I feel. Good job my cats can't read this, or they'd be more evil than ever

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