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What should I have done?

(12 Posts)
mieow Sat 14-Dec-02 06:48:19

At 1;30am this mornig, I was woken by a loud bang and shouting. My neighbours were arguing again. I heard him shouting and swearing, couldn't really hear her, when I thought that someone had fallen down the stairs, then a door slammed, so I figured that she had ran upstairs and locked herself in the loo, he started to hit the door and more shouting came. What was really worrying me is she is 37 weeks pregnant. I was going to call the police but thought that he may turn nasty towards me, and hubby works nights. It eventally all clamed down but it went on for over a hour. What should I have done? The other neighbour is a old boy who wouldn't have called the police as he is deaf and proberly didn't even hear it. It took my nearly 2 hours to get back to sleep as I was so worried about her, I am going to check on her later, when he has gone out. I heard her voice just before I went to sleep so I know he hasn't hurt her or anything but I am also worried about her unborn baby. I guess that her other kids are at their nans as I couldn't hear them crying. I proberly should have called the police.........

Bobbins Sat 14-Dec-02 08:42:35

mieow, How horrible. I think you should have called the police, you still could now if you waned, so that it would be on record, IME you can always say that you don't want to be named.

Bobbins Sat 14-Dec-02 08:43:14

wanted...n

mieow Sat 14-Dec-02 08:55:00

This isn't the first time, normally hear him shouting and swearing at her on a friday night, I think he must go drinking and is horrible when drunk, but last night was defo. the worse. Don't know why she puts up with it, she is a tough girl and I am surprised that she lets him be like that to her, she didn't let her ex-hubby walk all over her. Hope she see sense soon.

Janeway Sat 14-Dec-02 10:24:53

mieow - you could try calling one of the domestic violence helplines (try Womens Aid ) and get their advice on how to approach things - women trapped in those situations often find it very hard to get out, and this could be doubly so when pregnant. The helplines may know of a way by which help can be made available to your neighbour without you becoming more involved that you feel comfortable with.
Given the astonishing proportion of women living with, or under the threat of, domestic violence we probably all know someone in this womans situation, but are unaware of it. There is an opportunity to give this woman a sight of a way out.

Janeway Sat 14-Dec-02 10:28:49

National helpline number is 08457 023 468 - please let us know how your neighbour is once you've had a chance to visit her today

Batters Sat 14-Dec-02 11:58:40

Mieow, I know how difficult it is to make up your mind about something like this.

Pre-kids, dh and I had horrible neighbours who constantly shouted at their kids. The little girls were always in tears. There was also a lot of drug taking, and people coming and going. We never called the police, or any helpline, felt in a very "British" (and stupid way) that we shouldn't interfere. Anyway, they did a runner from their flat, and we were asked by the landlord to go round it with him, as witnesses to the damage. It was disgusting, dirty beyond belief, human and animal excrement, blood , dirty mattresses on the floor for the kids etc. I felt awful, as I knew that I should have done something.

So my advice to you would be - please do something, you don't have to give your name if you ring the police or a helpline.

Tinker Sat 14-Dec-02 14:06:21

mieow - I would call someone, although I appreciate it might be difficult since they could work out it was probably you that called. I was in a very bad relationship once although it had never been violent until I finished with the bloke. He then came round to my house drunk (of course, I let him in since he had never been violent before) He did then proceed to start beating me up, try to strangle me etc. I didn't call the police but I always wish I had. He finally went when I managed to call a friend as a witness and left the front door open so anyone passing might hear what was going on. When I did finally get rid of him, my neighbour came immediately to see me and I will always be grateful to her for that. But, if it ever happened again, I would certainly call the police to scare the bloke.

But contacting Womens Aid for advice would be a very good idea.

mieow Sat 14-Dec-02 20:27:04

I have been to see her and she is fine. He got shirty because she went to sleep in her DD's room and he thought she was going off him. He didn't hit her and she has given him one last warning.

Chinchilla Sun 15-Dec-02 11:21:05

My husband gets shirty with me, but this does not involve me locking myself in the loo and him banging and shouting in the early hours of the morning. She can hardly be fine, it seems like the typical response of a 'abused' wife/partner to play the situation down. And, how many last chances has she already given him?? What a worrying situation.

mieow Sun 15-Dec-02 16:44:35

She said that she didn't run up the stairs, he did, and he slammed the bedroom door, she just laid on the bed telling him to shut up. I believe her, she is a good friend and I know that if he had hit her, she would have told me.

Chinchilla Sun 15-Dec-02 16:47:03

That's good then. Hope she's OK!

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