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how would you feel ?and what would you do?

(12 Posts)
mummytojames Mon 03-Jan-05 23:30:04

i got a chance of moving out of a first floor flat to a three bedroomed house the problem is at the moment i live a ten minuite drive from mine and dps family and this move would be moving to a compleatley different town about a fourty five minuite drive from them discussed it with both familys and they both said youve needed a house so go for it except im feeling realy guilty because my mil has been ill for a while and in away i wanted to stay close to them incase they needed us so how would you feel and what would you do if the chance arised (oh and its a brand new house in the finishing touches of just being built and yep in a nice area) at the moment i feel as if im being pulled in two directions and dont know which is best either stay in flat and hope something else comes up soon nearer to the family or think right i have to think of my family first (dp ds and me)and move them into a nice house in a nice area with a garden for ds to play in

hunkermunker Mon 03-Jan-05 23:32:22

Hi M2J - sorry to hear your MIL's ill - not an easy decision for you.

But I'm sure that she wouldn't want you to jeopardise your future to stay close to her (and an extra half hour isn't that far for the sake of a better quality of life for you, DP and DS).

You can always go and stay nearby if you need to or perhaps she could come and stay with you?

I'd go for it. It would be awful if you ended up resented her for keeping you in your flat.

Gwenick Mon 03-Jan-05 23:32:48

oh you poor thing. I think you should take the house, 45 minutes still isn't really 'that' far is she needs you at all. It also sound like both your family's would be upset if you don't take the house.

Caligula Mon 03-Jan-05 23:35:35

M2J, I'd definitely go for the house. It's not so far, and MIL could stay with you if need be or you with her, and if you don't take it you might not get the chance again and could end up resenting her for having missed a chance (although you sound far too nice to resent her, btw).

Fran1 Mon 03-Jan-05 23:35:53

Depends on your situation, are you buying? and is there ever likely to be a property closer that you can afford? If this is a one off opportunity i would definitely go for it.

If you really like the house and the area, i would go for it as 45 mins is nothing.

Wish you luck with your decision making!

Blossomhill Mon 03-Jan-05 23:36:38

Mummytojames - go for the house 100%. You would only regret it afterwards.

Nutcracker Mon 03-Jan-05 23:37:08

Do you drive ???

studenti Mon 03-Jan-05 23:40:35

You sound like an utter sweetie to think of your mil like this. I do think you need to think of yourself too, though and this sort of chance won't come up again in a hurry, I guess? If that's so then I'd say go for it, mummytojames. As the other guys have said, half an hour isn't that long to travel to see her. Do you drive/have access to a car? And what does your dp think about moving?

mummytojames Mon 03-Jan-05 23:57:03

yeah i do drive so that wouldnt be much of a problem
i would never resent a bone in my mil body a common joke is i love her more than dp at times
and dp was ready to pack his bags as soon as he heared we had a chance wouldnt have minded so much but he was ready to pack mine a ds aswell without even discussing it
it will be renting so this ofer would be a once in a lifetime kind of thing
i have offered for her to leave her husband and other son to fend for themselfs for a while and come and stay with us untill things settle but all she does is smiles tells me not to be so silly because her family needs her there which useualy starts a argument between me and her husband because there are imes she can barely lift her head and shes still doing every thing for them cooking cleaning washing the lot her husbands a bit older then her and as fit as a fiddle or dying at deaths door if you belive him half the time and her sons 25 and still relise on her to do everything she wont let me lift a finger while im there except to make tea and keeps on i got anough to worry about with my own family instead of worrying about a old fool like her it infuriates me but she does seem a lot happier by time i leave after having a good moan about her husband it like the color and life comes back in her until the next time i visit then shes pale worn down and ill again and im just being silly i know about feeling guilty but the same thought keeps coming into my mind saying stuff it i got my own to worry about and then start feeling guilty then because of everything she has done for us

hunkermunker Mon 03-Jan-05 23:59:26

Your MIL sounds wonderful - poor gracious lady being worn out like this by her family.

But I think even more now that she would be upset if she thought you'd passed up this house for her sake. Can you tell her DH that you've organised a treat for her (to come and stay with you for a week) for her birthday/mother's day/any other thing you feel like?

studenti Mon 03-Jan-05 23:59:32

She sounds like a lovely person with a lovely daughter in law. I reckon you'll be hopping in the car to see her quite a lot and it'll be a good move for everyone once everything settles down. Good luck.

mummytojames Tue 04-Jan-05 00:08:27

hunkermunker i cant even get her to come into town with me which is a five minuite walk from her house because shes alway worrying has her son got a clean shirt for tomorow has it been ironed has she dusted yet did her husband vacum the floor like she asked him to because it certainly dont look like it would she be able to leave her husband and son alone for two minuites where they wont try and kill each other its gotten to the point where once and only once her husband said she makes a great wife and mother and i just looked at him and said dont you mean slave and she all of a sudden changed the subject not have a argument start
but do you know what after reading what all of you have said stuff it if they say yes you can have the house im packing and going i'll give her my new number and tell her you need me call me day or night

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