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Christmas Vent

(3 Posts)
LJsmum Sun 26-Dec-04 06:03:22

Just need to have a vent about Christmas Firstly - my dh's 2 sons from his first marriage (22 and almost 19) are not exactly reliable sometimes but they PROMISED they would be turning up to my SIL's for Xmas dinner last night. I confirmed it with them a few times during the week because I knew that SIL would need exact numbers to cater for everyone. YES we are definitely coming they said, will be there about 4.30. SIL rang me yesterday and I told her she could set places for them at the table (not to mention that SIL & I had both bought extra food to cater for them). DH and I had also gone to the trouble of buying them a nice present each. WELL - 4.30pm came and went, finally at almost 6.00 the oldest one rang dh, and said that the younger one 'didn't feel like coming' and had gone out somewhere else. !!!!!!! Older SS didn't know what to do but he didn't want to come without younger SS, so he decided not to come either. End result of this was that SIL was NOT impressed (she was already in a bad mood because of some problems with her dh/kids/I don't know what else), and I got the impression she was cranky with me for saying that they were definitely coming. To make it worse, dh didn't even give his sons a serve for not turning up - I am so angry I feel like wringing their necks. Younger SS did this to me once before when he failed to turn up to my ds' birthday party at the last minute, but that was a while ago and I thought he had matured somewhat - yeah right. I am SO angry with them right now, and annoyed that SIL & BIL were inconvenienced as well.

Second thing is that SIL was getting under my skin with the things she says in regard to my ds (he's 4 1/2). She has 4 kids and is very casual about them, her two daughters (5 1/2 and 3 1/2) often seem to fend for themselves and she once let my young niece go to a public toilet by herself and didn't seem to bothered when she didn't come back for a while (!!!!). Anyway in the past she has harped on about the fact that she thinks I let my son sleep in a cot for too long before moving him to a bed (he was perfectly happy in it and slept very well in it so why should I move him?!!), she also thinks I protect him too much because he's an only child and that he needs to be 'roughed up' a bit more. Well yesterday he went swimming with SIL's kids in their pool (it's warm here) and I put armbands on him, because he's still not overly confident swimming without them. Is that so unusual?? Well she harped on about the fact that her daughters don't need armbands anymore, that I should just throw him in the pool and get him swimming on his own as soon as possible (in other words stop protecting him so much, blah blah). Then later on, her kids were jumping on their new trampoline (a huge one that is quite high off the ground) and she harped on about the fact that ds didn't want to go on it. I think she thinks that because he's an only child, he's more cautious about doing things than her children are - nevermind the fact that he's never been on a big trampoline before. I told her that ds would watch the other kids jumping on it for a while until he felt comfortable, and then he would have a turn - which is exactly what happened. By the time we left, he was jumping on it like an old pro and having a great time. Over the last couple of years she has made comments like "leave him with us for a while and we'll sort him out" etc etc. I know that she is fond of him but the comments REALLY bug me and make me feel like I'm doing things wrong. I never make comments about how she does things with her children, in fact her 3 1/2 yr old only recently gave up her bottle and I dont' think her speech is very good for her age, but I just keep my thoughts to myself. Why do people feel the need to make comments about how other people do things with their kids??!! I'm getting really tired of hearing it. Sorry this is so long

GRMUM Sun 26-Dec-04 07:18:52

As far as your ds goes I think you're doing everything fine.IME most children like to watch a new activity first and then join in when they feel ready.I've seen parents doing this "throw them in the pool/sea and let them learn to swim like that" quite a lot here in Greece and I find it very distressing to watch. I am also sure those kids end up with a life long fear of water.

With your step sons I think your husband should be the one who co-ordinates with them on such occasions, especially if your SIL is his sister!

LJsmum Mon 27-Dec-04 23:11:21

Thanks for your response GRMUM, I know it was a long rant but I just felt so fed up. Dh has still not confronted his sons about not turning up the other night - the younger one in particular thinks he can do whatever he likes, when he likes. If it was my son, I would've told him how rude it was and insisted that he phone his aunt & uncle and apologise. Anyway... this is obviously dh's way of dealing with it (by ignoring it) so what can I do except tell them myself when I get the opportunity.

As far as my SIL, we get on well most of the time but she just feels the need to comment on how I do things with ds, as though she is the more 'experienced' parent. Maybe I should start commenting on her kids in the New Year and see how she likes it, but I know she wouldn't take it very well at all

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