Urgent - what should my kids call their estranged grandfather?(10 Posts)
Got to rush but need your advice! My dad and I have not spoken (long story) for some years. He has suddenly made contact again and I am feeling very awkward about it.
One of my major concerns is how confusing it might be for dd (6) and ds (3). They have two sets of "Nannas" and "Poppys" already and don't knwo any different (they call my stepfather Poppy). So I am feeling a bit uncomfortabe introducing a complete stranger (to them) as Granddad or whatever. I think it will confuse them. Ds has never met my father, and dd hasn't seen him since she was a baby and wouldn't remember it.
He lives very close by. If we do "patch things up", it would seem strange not to visit... Please has anyone had this experience or something similar? And even if not, I would appreciate your wisdom and common sense on this one!!! Please help me figure it out.
I am in a very similar position (except it's my fil) and on the one occasion they met since she was born, I introduced him to dd as Grandad (first name) - as opposed to Grandad, who is my dad. It would have been better to call him Grandpa or otherwise since dd already had a grandad, but that is what fil was calling himself (the cheek! long story). Hope it goes well for you. x
No experience of the situation as such although I had a step-grandad but what about calling him by a diminutive of his name (if there is one)? Or something like 'Da' or 'Pa' which I seem to think my mum called her g'parents. Hope everything goes well, Mollipops, good luck.
My children have a few sets of grandparents due to remarriage. My dh's stepdad Frank is called Grandpa Frank. Rather then grandpa. How about introducing him as Grandpa ?. It might help putting the first name in there in the beginning.
Just read babsters post and it sounds like we have the same idea.
My DS has 4 grandfathers and 3 grandmothers (3 greats in there) - I call them all Grandma X or Grandad Y with Christian name for X/Y. But this is a straight forward situation and you might be reluctant to introduce your Dad on the same terms so could maybe follow one of the ideas given.
This is so confusing, and still evolving for us because our kids have *seven* grandparents, 3 great grandparents, and many attentive great-uncles & aunts. And my eldest is only just of an age to start calling them by any name. I think in the end whatever the kids call the grandies will be something that the kids & us sort of bumble along into.
Working grandy names are along the lines of "Grandpa --" where -- is either a first or last name. At least this is a straightforward system that everybody can understand & follow.
When my boys were young they called their g'parents by the names of their respective cats, so it was Nanna Fred and Nanna Shandy. How flattering!!
My son calls his g'parents nanny and grandad max or nanny and grandad sammy (their dogs names) When we are there they are just nanny and grandad. We actually have the same problem with my mil and her ex-husband. Because my children have only ever known grandad max as their grandad even though he isn't, when it comes to seeing my dh's real dad, my son get very confused. They last saw their real grandad when I was just pregnant with DD2 (14 months old) so we don't tend to actually make an issue about it, till the next time he decides to make contact again.!!!
What has really bugged me the most is the fact that no one actually asked me how I felt about my kids calling my MIL new husband "grandad" My hubby doesn't even call him dad (he can't stand him) IT was assumed that he would be Grandad. All the other grandkids know they have two grandads on that side of the family but my kids have no idea. I know that MIL doesn't like the idea of DH talking to his dad and thinks that he has no contact with him.
Oh well....... families, don't you just love them!!!
How about something completly different. We always called out Irish grandad "Pop". Don't know why, but it's sufficiently different from the variants on Gandpa.
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