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Your own personal Hell

(111 Posts)
Califrau Mon 04-Feb-08 19:41:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FuriousGeorge Tue 05-Feb-08 18:55:55

Oh these are just so funny.

F&Z,I don't agree with you about much,but do agree about clowns.They are profoundly evil.

snice Tue 05-Feb-08 22:12:07

I am travelling by bus through a non specific South American country with diarrhoea. I am squashed onto the back seat between Paris Hilton who is making a hilarious "slumming it" documentary and Jim Davidson who is trying out his new ethnic material. We have cold tripe and onions to eat using wooden chip forks. There is no rest stop for another 300 miles and I have lost my contact lenses. The bus driver has a very small transistor radio balanced on the dashboard which he tries to tune in as we hurtle round blind bends-he has found a station which is playing the Mini-Pops. I have no toilet paper.

madamez Tue 05-Feb-08 23:03:39

Actually <gibber> it's being trapped in a room full of polystyrene chips, which are gradually increasing in number and about to suffocate me. My hands are tied so I have to <yelp> chew my way out... oh, the horror, I need another drink now.

hecate Wed 06-Feb-08 17:26:03

I was thinking about this and realised there would be another bit to mine...

As well as it being an eternal caravan holiday with Itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini playing on a loop, only tofu to eat, pouring with rain, me stuck in the van with Richard Madeley, Jeremy Clarkson and Dean Gaffney - who want to play strip poker....I'd have...

The WORST, ahem, intimate itch that I was DESPERATE to scratch, but I'd be unable to sneak away to do it.

Oh, and they'd be farting and the windows would be sealed shut.

This is getting worse by the second.

UnquietDad Wed 06-Feb-08 17:28:40

Endless rap/hiphop/bhangra music on a tape loop. Dogs everywhere, salivating and defecating. Reality TV and soaps on all channels. No books. Apart from Jordan type stuff. A cold swimming-pool in which everyone is forced to "enjoy" themselves.

Mind you, though, Heaven would be full of smug Christians. Do I really want to go there? wink

Vulgar Thu 07-Feb-08 21:59:51

I've just remembered that David Dickenson would also be in my nightmare.

i'm sure I don't have to explain why.

eternalstudent Fri 08-Feb-08 13:57:40

I am on Jeremy Kyle where my husband has taken me to inform me that he has been enjoying 3 somes with my sister and best friend and both of them are now pregnant despite him telling me for years he couldn’t have children.

It is then revealed that this has all been a huge Jeremy Beadle style ‘joke’ and actually everyone I have ever me in my entire life is there to celebrate my birthday.

No-one has brought a present.

There is however a large, dry, supermarket cake and a 4 pack of warm own brand lager that we all have to share with no glasses.

To top it all off, I need to pluck my eyebrows.

Reamhar Sat 09-Feb-08 22:31:43

Being struck suddenly mute on the day that my high-maintenance MIL asks to live with us, and my DH says "yes".

Oh, and standing in a bucket of dead fish whilst it's happening would pretty much cover it for me. grin

kama Sat 09-Feb-08 22:35:13

Message withdrawn

Mum1369 Sat 09-Feb-08 22:40:20

Ikea - say no more

Koshka Mon 11-Feb-08 12:42:49

A small room with no fresh air
Nothing to read
ONly a continual track of people telling me how I have dissapointed them for my whole life.
No DS to cuddle
No food except tomatoes and olives.
Being forced to smell coffee
Being forced to to my times tables over and over again and not letting me go to the toilet until i got it right so i pee myself (that happened at primary school)

No DS to cuddle!

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