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I need a miracle cure for resentment

(83 Posts)
Dannie Tue 19-Oct-04 11:16:29

The in-laws are coming for four days over Christmas. We'll be 11 adults and 8 children including 4 under-fives. How do I stop myself seething with resentment all the time? I know my resentment is perfectly justified, but it's just tough luck and I have to put up with it. But how? Drugs? Wax figures with pins to stick in them?

snmum Tue 19-Oct-04 11:19:58

alcohol always works wonders for me. i has rellies down over the weekend and fingers in the ears did the trick and I kept 'pretending' to do my washing and ironing upstairs

motherinferior Tue 19-Oct-04 11:21:50

Booze, drugs, wax figures, chocolate and Myserious Errands that take you out of the house. Or possibly Mysterious Cooking you have to withdraw to the kitchen to do (ie while you sit down, pour a nice drink/stick pins in wax figure/munch chocolate/light spliff while notching up brownie Good Housewife points)?

AuntyQuated Tue 19-Oct-04 11:22:03

will they muck in and help

bundle Tue 19-Oct-04 11:22:49

transcend. and as snmum says, alcohol helps. focus on distant object and imagine the annoying rellies in their undies being humiliated on a trashy reality tv show.

motherinferior Tue 19-Oct-04 11:23:51

Or you could do what my paternal grandmother used to do and just go out, leaving a note/partner requesting that everyone b*ggers off home.

snmum Tue 19-Oct-04 11:24:33

MI are you patsy off abfab?

motherinferior Tue 19-Oct-04 11:25:09

Nearly as old but not quite as poised

Dannie Tue 19-Oct-04 11:26:16

Whether I can hide in my office with booze and choccies depends on how much they can be trusted to supervise DS2, who'll be 14 months. We presumably won't be able to use the stair gates cos other guests will be too old or to young to open & close them to gain access to the loo etc.

motherinferior Tue 19-Oct-04 11:28:02

Take DS2 on mysterious errands (to park, equipped with requisite refreshment)?

bundle Tue 19-Oct-04 11:28:26

dannie, could you hire in a commode?

snmum Tue 19-Oct-04 11:30:16

LOL bundle!

that is so true about stairgates?!!

Dannie Tue 19-Oct-04 11:31:09

They don't help much. SILs will sit around looking fat and expecting me to wait on them and their repellent brats. DH will cook, which is a great help, but makes them think he does it all the time.

bundle Tue 19-Oct-04 11:32:02

what about a schedule? you could go organisational mad, they'll never come back...

bundle Tue 19-Oct-04 11:32:33

(I mean a timetable for who's cooking when, including fat SILs..)

snmum Tue 19-Oct-04 11:33:09

my husband does that when we have people (rellies not friends)round, he buggers off to the kitchen and 'pretends' to be slaving whilst i get steadily pissed (off aswell) and everyone thinks he is wonderful, when really he is just avoiding them

Dannie Tue 19-Oct-04 11:35:57

When SIL leaves mountains of used disposable nappies in the bathroom, is it acceptable to bag them up & pop them in their bedroom with a cheery remark that they're 'ready for you to put in the dustbin'? I use real nappies and couldn't imagine leaving them lying around the house.

foxinsocks Tue 19-Oct-04 11:36:21

ooh yes I hate that too. The men do one child-related, house-related task in front of their family and you get comments like 'oooh, he's so good with the children/doing the housework/cooking'. Er like NOOOOO this is the first time he's done anything all year.

Dannie Tue 19-Oct-04 11:41:08

The timetable idea is a good one, but I think given the numbers involved we have to be really organised, so we'll have to do it ourselves.

Dannie Tue 19-Oct-04 11:43:00

We did it 2 yrs ago, and any time I came near the children, MIL told me (politely) to go away. It was a bit glum. I felt like I was the cleaning lady at someone else's party.

motherinferior Tue 19-Oct-04 11:56:03

Oh, this sounds HORRIBLE. Dannie, why don't you list all the different horrible bits, and we'll think of strategies for each one?

Yes, it's absolutely fine to give her those effing nappies. I use disposable ones and wouldn't dream of leaving them around. You could pre-empt this by giving her a black plastic bag for the nappies when she arrives, too.

bundle Tue 19-Oct-04 11:58:48

re: timetable if it is too complicated, just get them to do *all* the washing up (my least favourite bit) as you (or your dh) will need to do the cooking as you know where everything is.

motherinferior Tue 19-Oct-04 12:01:37

And/or do cooking in advance and freeze it, which might help with daily seething, give you opportunity to take your own children off somewhere, and so on?

Don't suppose you can cultivate any particularly repellent habits in your own children, can you?

Dannie Tue 19-Oct-04 12:04:35

My children have loads of repellent habits, MI

zubb Tue 19-Oct-04 12:05:01

can you delegate meals / courses to your visitors? I have people coming for Chrustmas, and have one doing starters, one puddings, and one snacks. With so many people you could have someone doing Xmas Eve meal, someone else boxing day etc

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