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(24 Posts)
Bobbins Thu 19-Sep-02 00:58:41

Need some feedback. I'm still in family home, but he's still out. I feel like I should have left, but why should I when he;s hardly ever here anyway. He doesn't want to be here.

ScummyMummy Thu 19-Sep-02 01:01:13

Why so you think you should have left, hon?

ScummyMummy Thu 19-Sep-02 01:01:49

Why DO...? I mean

Bobbins Thu 19-Sep-02 01:07:40

because everyone thinks I need to get my own space to heal thy-yself. With my Dad is the only option. I was meant to move out earlier. He's going through his own problems, and doing well, although he's really worried about me and pissed off that I'm having to put up with all this.

This is my space!

Bobbins Thu 19-Sep-02 01:10:28

I suppose I don't want to feel like a little girl! I thought I'd moved on from that. I had my own family. I know I need my family right now, but it just feels like regression.

ScummyMummy Thu 19-Sep-02 01:10:35

Oh sorry. I thought you meant he'd left and you thought you should be the one to leave.
I agree this IS your space.

Bobbins Thu 19-Sep-02 01:12:54

Sorry scummy, I'm probably makjng presumptions, you need to read the "feeling abandoned thread'. It explains how everythinfg is going even more tits up!

ScummyMummy Thu 19-Sep-02 01:14:04

I know hat you mean about wanting to feel like an adult but I don't think it's regression. We all need people always. Most especially when we are going through our toughest times.
Do you have any feelings about what could help or is it too overwhelmingly, numbingly awful to see a way through at the moment?

Bobbins Thu 19-Sep-02 01:19:10

This is going to sound horribly creepy (stalker) ...but......you have made me laugh loads in the past when lurking on this site. I copied your SAHM v working mums poem to lots of friends, and the annabel kingsmill comment had me in fits.

I know this is my space. I think I should stick to it. If it weren't for legal crap, I'd change the locks and tell him to stay with those precious dimwits that he spends all weekend with,

ScummyMummy Thu 19-Sep-02 01:21:30

ok, I've had another look. You're right- your situation has moved on since I last looked. Sorry not to have kept up.

Poor you, Bobbins. Do you think leaving would help, apart from it feeling like regression?

Bobbins Thu 19-Sep-02 01:23:09

I think I probably should get the guts up to see my GP and ask for some help. I just feel do sad, like I've been deluding myself. I felt like I could get through all this sh*** without any help from counsellors, drugs and all that stuff.

ScummyMummy Thu 19-Sep-02 01:24:36

Thanks! I'm glad someone was laughing and more especially that the someone was you!

I think you're saying that you want to stay, in your heart of hearts? I imagine that it might be very very hard for you to leave the place where you were bringing up your Harvey? Please say if that is crap.

Bobbins Thu 19-Sep-02 01:29:21

but that was when I though t I had a loving partner, I thought we would get through all this pain together, but he's just running away.

ScummyMummy Thu 19-Sep-02 01:30:02

It's all you though, Bobbins, no matter what "help" you get. No one can "cure" you of missing Harvey desperately, they can only offer various ways of coping and of those only you can decide what actually helps, what in fact works for you and gives you some respite.

Bobbins Thu 19-Sep-02 01:35:48

Snot crap, scummy at all! I feel ike I need this security. I know my dad would be wonderful to be around, and that being confronted with this amavingly unfeeling lout every day is not good. But it is my space. I feel comfortable here. It's a lovely house. He's still not home, I think of all the times he was here and he was exceptionally happy. He's losing out. I've got so much love to give him and its been rejected!!

ScummyMummy Thu 19-Sep-02 01:36:18

Oh Bobbins. I so wish I could stop him from running away.
My only thought is again that people react to terrible grief in such different disparate ways. On the night after my Mum died my little sister, who was only 15, decided to go to a live comedy event. I wanted to support her so much that I travelled to the venue with her intending to go in with her. But I just couldn't go in and laugh at a comedy show. I was too numb and shocked and she went on alone. I was so pissed off with myself and felt I had let her down. A few years later she told me that she had felt terrible for going in without me and felt she'd let me down.

Bobbins Thu 19-Sep-02 01:39:38

Scummy> I'll do my bestest. God knows I've been coping on my own pretty much so far. Keep on joking Scummy!

Bobbins Thu 19-Sep-02 01:43:55

I bet she felt quite guilty. If there is one thing I've learnt from all this grief, it is not to remonstrate with other people's ways of coping.

ScummyMummy Thu 19-Sep-02 01:43:59

Men are so difficult... they don't seem to talk in the same way as women. Is there anyone else- good friend, relative- who could talk to him? Get a clearer picture of what he wants and why he is pushing you away? I think Willow2 is right on the other thread that the death of a child tests the strongest of relationships to the brink.

ScummyMummy Thu 19-Sep-02 01:51:05

Honey- I have to go to bed now or I won't be able to function in the morning. Am pretty much a no-Brian before 10am anyway but if I don't retire now things will go even more pear shaped than usual.

I hope you can get some sleep tonight. I'll be thinking of you. Hope we can talk again soon.

Bobbins Thu 19-Sep-02 01:58:55

I've made an absolute fool of myself, by phoning people and trying to make them realise how much I am hurting. This goes SO against my grain. I put up with them all whilst pregnant, bringing up baby etc. because I really didn't want them to feel ike I was someone they had to make special exceptions for (none of them have children...mortgages). I was naive. I know now that it cahanges you irrevocably. I could go into so much more detail, but I won't.

The party girl that my partner is spending so much time with is a twenty something nursery nurse, but I suspect he is actually gay!

Bobbins Thu 19-Sep-02 02:00:31

Sleep well scummy. Jeez, nearly 2am. must sleep too. Thanks for chatting!

robinw Thu 19-Sep-02 07:18:35

message withdrawn

bayleaf Thu 19-Sep-02 18:56:06

Bobbins if you fell so strongly about your house and staying in it then maybe you SHOULD just tell dp to get the hell out - after all it's him who is breaking up the relationship - you want to save it - so it's him who 'should ' go. Is there anywhere at all he could go to - could he afford to rent somewhere if you paid more of the mortgage in the short term?

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