Boyfriend forgets my birthday for the third time

[Amber19872]

Hi guys,

I need your advice. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly three years now. I have had three birthdays during this time and he forgot about every single one of them. When it happened for the first time, I called him in the evening and told him how sad I was. He apologised and gave me a present a few days later. When it happened for the second time, he blamed his stressful job. But now it happened again. And I am so disappointed.

I know he doesn't like birthdays much and hates his own. But I do like mine. And that's what counts, right? My wish? That it is important to me?

I don't get it. We were even talking about my birthdays 4 weeks earlier and still, he managed to forget. Again he is blaming his job. It is really hard on me now, because I couldn't even celebrate with anyone due to lockdown. Why can't he write down the date into his calendar? Is it too much to ask? :( It is one day a year...

I don't know what to do. I have to admit that things are not great between us anyway, because he is really stressed and hardly has time for our relationship at the moment. So forgetting my birthday again didn't make things better. I do love him a lot though... And not everything is bad between us. He tries to spend his free time with me as much as he can, for example.

My friends told me to break up with him because clearly he doesn't care. But breaking up seems a bit extreme? At the same time, it will be my 30th birthday next year and it would make me so sad if he forgot about it again.

What would you do?

[Rewy]

Bin him off.
You deserve better !
How difficult is it to put a birthday in the calendar on your phone?
It must be deliberate.

[Holothane]

Get rid I know it’s a small thing but my ex never did cards or believed in valentines so hurtful he never made an effort.

[Elieza]

If someone feels strongly about a little and reasonable thing that their partner could do to make them feel special, and chooses not to prioritise this, then they are putting other things first.

In his case it’s his work.

Does he not like his own birthday as he was perhaps disappointed annually as a child living in poverty, or his religion didn’t celebrate birthdays, or some other deep thing that could have affected him greatly? If not he hasn’t really got an excuse for not getting you even a card and flowers/chocs. It doesn’t have to be a big thing, but I’d expect a bf if mine to make some effort even if it was a handmade card if he wasn’t working at the time (happened once, made redundant a few weeks prior).

If you are happy for this situation to continue then stay with him. You’ve talked to him before but it’s made no difference. Si you stay knowing how it will be.

So if you want to be able to celebrate birthdays with a partner you’ll need to dump him and move on.