I am week 10 into an unplanned but very much wanted pregnancy. My partner was shocked and surprised like me but we were both very happy with the news and very excited to be the best parents we can be. He was very supportive helping and doing the majority of cleaning and house hold tasks weeks 7 onward (when we found out) but last week his behaviour and demeanor changed entirely. For instance he was distant and quiet, so much so he did not speak for hours at a time, he claimed he was exhausted but at bed time would be awake pretty much all night and had stopped eating regularly and had not eaten for days at a time other than a handful of crisps or nuts. He called in sick to work which is just not like him and said he was worried I may not be satisfied with him and may leave I offered reassurance and suggested he seek counselling or help from gp about his mental state. He is ex forces and also emergency service worker now to provide context. He said this was unnecessary as he knew he needed to stop overthinking and ruminating. After a steely silence night he got up and went to meet a friend then text me to say the relationship had moved too quickly and he felt he didnt know me and wanted to take a step back. I said I would pack his things (he only has 3 bin bag size equivalent things at the house) so I packed these carefully and asked him to collect them so that he wouldn't have to keep asking for things he may need whilst apart and also as I knew it would be easier and less hurtful if we did split to have this done now. He called to collect his things and sat down and said he didnt think it was right to bring a baby into the world as he doesnt know me well or my family well. I said are you asking me to get an abortion to I'm clear on what you're saying and he just reiterated what he said time and time again although eventually said yes I am asking and had googled the process and gestational cut offs for each type of termination. I said I would think and let him know as I wanted him to leave the house. He said he wanted to continue to get to know one another without a baby in the mix and I said that the conversation was over and he needed to leave. He asked me for a hug when he left which I declined.
Within 90 minutes of having this conversation and leaving the house he completely changed tact. Said what he had said was a massive mistake and he loves me and the baby and didnt mean what he says and wants to be a family. I advised him that I didnt want to speak to him as was feeling stressed and upset and felt this rapid change in his point of view was scary and he may just be lying. I refused to see him and turned my phone off. He set about obtaining the addresses I would likely go to and drove around for hours he says until finding me and insisted I speak to him. He said he felt 5here was no point in living if I wouldn't have a relationship with him and be a proper family. I said he needed to seek advice from a mental health professional to give insight into his words and actions and I wouldn't consider speaking to him on the topic further. He initially agreed to see a counsellor if I promised to attend with him which I agreed to and then he changed his mind and will not now see anybody including his gp or even a self help course as he knows what his problems are and can tackle them himself. He says I ought to forgive him as he had a temporary "wobble" and most people get cold feet and I am being unreasonable and cruel. Can I have peoples opinions on this and whether I am doing the right thing. All I ever wanted was a family but I dont think that is someone to enter a relationship with. Thanks
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Can I have your input I am up the wall
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Newfypoo1234 · 28/02/2020 11:52
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