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how to convince my partner that its important that if am happy, things will work out

(23 Posts)
Sherryl1967 Sat 25-Aug-07 23:27:47

Ok, I am not a regular, my cousin is and she told me about your wonderful site. She did ask not to name her though as she is not completely in agreement with what I want to ask but here goes. Basically Im 90% of my way through a complete gender change. I have hade a series of operations and am on the final phase. I am changing from a man to a woman. I still however live with my lovely partner of 5 years. She loves me very much I think, but recently I feel she is having second thoughts. I am due to go into hospital for the big one. The only problem now is I think she is having second thoughts!!
The final stage is penis removal, and I don?t think she will be able to handle this too well.
I worried im going to lose her. We spoke about it for a long time before but now it seems she has changed her mind???..well I cant change back I have already developed breasts and have spent 1000s on consultation and operations. what would your advice be.

expatinscotland Sat 25-Aug-07 23:29:34

This is part of the process of gender reassignment. It's not without its consequences, and this is one of the potential ones.

My advice would be to give her space. LOTS.

yama Sat 25-Aug-07 23:32:50

Sherryl, I haven't a clue. Do you love her? Can you live without her? Could she live without you?

I don't think these are stupid questions. Some of us have been so hurt that we could go through anything by ourselves and others can't imagine this.

I guess what I'm asking is - can you do this on your own?

ROFFLE Sat 25-Aug-07 23:37:03

People change - you may well have grown apart anyway.

Sherryl1967 Sat 25-Aug-07 23:44:32

Not with this we have been through the highs and lows. she wanted me to go through with it and promised to stand by me. We even disussed having children. It seems so wrong. there have been a few small hassles like me spending money on clothing and acessoris but obvisously that is a consequence of my reassignment. I am getting feelings of reversel. she wants me to go back to before.

j20baby Sat 25-Aug-07 23:44:39

it must be so hard for both of you, but i think at the end of the day it is something you have been working towards for a lot of years to make yourself happier, and you need to stick to it whatever the consequences. hopefully you will work things out. god, i'm crap at this sort of thing, sorry.

yama Sat 25-Aug-07 23:49:51

Would you be happy going back Sherryl?

Sometimes putting others first is good for our soul/sense of self.

This sounds different though.

By the way, how long have you been together?

Sherryl1967 Sat 25-Aug-07 23:59:48

this message for yama. I can not go back. I have breasts and in October I am having vaginioplasty. sometimes the problems recent are about my wearing stuff that she wants to look good in but we re a different build. I am slight she is a size 16. I do not think it is linked with jelousy

anorak Sun 26-Aug-07 00:04:05

Perhaps she really wanted to stick by you through this but found it too much to handle when the time came.

It is a lot to ask, for a woman to love you as a man and still want to be your partner when you are a woman. It's in a way asking her to become a lesbian and if she isn't inclined that way she can't fabricate it.

yama Sun 26-Aug-07 00:04:30

No I didn't think you could go back. Can you do this on your own? Sometimes facing the hardest obstacles alone is liberating.

Sherryl1967 Sun 26-Aug-07 00:06:36

you are all kind. I will type some more on this but have to leave this site now as I am very emotionally tired.

yama Sun 26-Aug-07 00:09:22

Righto, I'll watch out for you Sherryl.

anorak Sun 26-Aug-07 00:10:59

I notice you say (in your title) that it's important that if you are happy, things will work out...

but you don't mention if your partner is happy. Try and see things through her eyes. The relationship is about both of you.

EscapeFrom Sun 26-Aug-07 00:27:23

I am making a big presumption here, but presumably your partner is not gay? Yet you are asking her to physically want saomeone of the same sex - to change her sexual preferances for you and become gay.

It is a lot to ask. I would be prepared to lose her if I were you - she may very well stay with you and be deleriously happy, but she may find it all far too much.

orangehead Sun 26-Aug-07 00:46:09

r you wanting her to stay in a physical relationship or is it for more of a best friend partnership? if it 4 physical relationship expecting her to change her sexual preference is alot 2 expect. If it is more a best friend, she will be grieving for her husband and her sex life, if this the case does her staying with u mean she cant find someone else to fulfill her phsyical needs, they mayb a connection between u but it might b better to let her go let her move on and eventually straight a new relationship or at least have the prospect 2. Have u really thought what is best 4 her.of course i knom nothing about yr situation so i might b talking rubbish so ignore me if i am

Sherryl1967 Sun 26-Aug-07 21:57:21

hello. i wanted to come back earlier but waited until my partner went to bed. we have been arguing for most of the day. She will not tell me what her problem is outright. But it is lookinglike it is most to do with image and the problem of me not being a man anymore. Iam shocked to say the least as we have not been able to have intimacy for a while. the argument got very heated ans I ma shokked to say that I slaped her. I have never done this beofor. She is telling me bad stuff like I should use an aid. This is not something I have thought about beofor.

anorak Sun 26-Aug-07 22:07:41

What do you mean by use an aid?

stoppinattwo Sun 26-Aug-07 22:17:50

I think she means one of those strap on thingies <<snigger>>............sorry dont mean to be funny but why cut one off to strap another on

stoppinattwo Sun 26-Aug-07 22:20:11

And was the slap part ofthe aid too?? hmm

anorak Sun 26-Aug-07 22:25:07

Well I think the reason not many people are posting on this thread is because you sound like a troll.

If you are not a troll then it's hard to understand how completely you've disregarded your partner's feelings here. You don't seem to think it important that you are changing completely from the person she thought she was with, expecting her to go without sex for the rest of her life, expecting her to re-align her sexuality, slapping her when she objects and blaming it all on issues of image.

No, it's all too ridiculous and you seem to be upping the drama tonight to attract more attention. I confess I now think you are a troll. Goodnight.

Sherryl1967 Sun 26-Aug-07 22:29:10

Yes stopping at 2 that is exactly what she is asking me too do. My point is that I have not spent 1000 of pounds to use this typ of thing when I had a good one before. Wen we met, she was aware of this at the start. I am getting allof the nagging about cloths and how much money I am spendintg on them. i am starting to think this is jelosy because I am a smaller size. I am not asking her to become a lesbien as because of the drugs I take I cant have imtimacy like that any more. but to ask me to do these things is not right . I lashed out when she tore up my new stuff. I have known for a long time that my body was wrong for me.

Sherryl1967 Sun 26-Aug-07 22:32:58

I look very good thanks anorak. nice of you to start saying bad things about my looks. If you saw me you would not be able to tell and i bet I look better than of the women you know

orangehead Sun 26-Aug-07 23:20:21

u say she was aware of this at the start. so right at the start of the relationship she knew u were going 2 have a sex change?

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