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Absent father

(3 Posts)
Lilyasmummy Tue 24-Sep-19 21:27:47

Hi all, very new to mumsnet however my circumstances are far from new. But really hoping to have a different perspective of things. So long story short. With partner (suspected narcissist, not a fan of labels but shortest way to explain him) had our daughter and he wasn't very involved in her general care from day one we got married when she was five months old he was very controlling and wanted the big white wedding which wasn't what I wanted but me being me went along with it, after the wedding life went on then we agreed we wanted to buy a house together. We got accepted and bought a house. The day after I signed the dotted line (also a week after our first wedding anniversary) he told me we were over, that he was speaking to someone online, no longer loved me blah blah blah. I moved to the new house because I had nowhere else to go and slept on the couch. At this point we were splitting up and getting back together a few times. All the while still talking to this other girl. Then we split up once and for all. He made me move out purely by refusing to move out himself and me no longer able to raise our child in an intolerable atmosphere. I moved to a private let ex council flat riddled with mould (still here now but I've made it home as best I can) and he announces hes moving to Iceland to be with someone so I get a solicitor for advice and we agree on terms etc for money and access etc. Couple years later he announces hes now moving to America to be with another girl (they're now married) but under Visa restrictions he cannot leave until he has residency or whatever so hasn't seen his daughter since the start of the year and has missed two birthdays and christmases. He has although maintained contact via video chat once a week. And also continued to pay child support despite not working. But now the phone calls are affecting our now 5 year old and I told him I wanted the phone calls to be less regimented and allow our daughter to decide when she wants to speak to dad whether it be every day once a fortnight whatever. Her decision not ours. Now he is accusing me of withdrawing access and that if I don't allow him his phone call on Sunday hes stopping child support. I rely on that money a little but for the sake of our daughter I'm happy to penny pinch if it comes to it. But I just want to know if I'm being reasonable or a bit of a penis head. Theres alot more to this story than what a thread will allow but that's the long and short of it. Hopefully someone reads this and thanks so much if you do 😊

Hellywelly10 Tue 24-Sep-19 21:34:10

He does sound like an arse op. Does your daughter not want to speak to him weekly?

Lilyasmummy Tue 24-Sep-19 22:00:04

I've asked her how she feels about dad and how she feels about dad not being here and how she feels about the phone calls and her response was dads good I'm good and no I don't want to talk to him today. But the thing is she very rarely asks after him so I just dong know what to do obviously I don't to prevent a relationship between them but I feel hes the one doing that by leaving his daughter behind to marry a woman in America. To me that's unnecessary and selfish.

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