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Am I weird about my definition of "friends"? MIL drama

(2 Posts)
1ToughCookie Tue 24-Sep-19 15:02:43

To sum up, I thought it'd be fine to be friends with MIL. She'd call at various intervals, increasing over time always around 2 hrs long. She'd sent long dreamy messages on FB and over voicemail. She'd sometimes call WANTING voicemail and not to talk directly at all. Several years later and three arguments always concluded with the same two closures: I would complain she didn't listen to me without a huge argument, and she would deflect by saying that it wouldn't be an issue at all if I was her friend. I was always baffled by this. I thought we were friends. Not exceptionally close ones, the more periphery sort when you don't exactly click but find yourself in a lot of the same places together regularly. Maybe, like, neighbors or co-workers who you would occasionally go out to coffee with.

My question: apparently those interactions aren't real friends? Only people who are Best Friends are friends?

Am I really strange to think of friendship on as a spectrum with varying levels of intimacy and closeness? She also seemed to think I could just "let" her be in my innermost circle. Frankly, who ends up being super close to me isn't a conscious decision. It's just chemistry and time and I've no way to know who will end up where on the friend spectrum. You know, just chill and enjoy whatever comes.

After the last blow up, I'm left feeling like I should've tried harder.

Am I super weird for thinking of friendship this way? Is MILs perspective more common?

lazylinguist Tue 24-Sep-19 15:12:00

No, she's weird, not you!

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