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Controlling Great-Grandmother

(33 Posts)
MrsMozartMkII Tue 13-Aug-19 07:26:40

Echo the others - you need new childcare.

Cobblersandhogwash Tue 13-Aug-19 07:24:11

You do need to find alternative childcare pronto.

azuldan Tue 13-Aug-19 07:24:05

Find new childcare. If you can't afford it for two children, then would you be better off staying at home with them?

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult Tue 13-Aug-19 07:22:43

She has as much power as you've allowed her to have.

She knows you can't afford child care so can pretty much do what she likes.

How will you afford child care for 2 dc?

I actually think it's shocking that you've allowed 2 80+ year olds to care for your child full time tbh.

What would you have done if they weren't around? Whatever the answer to that question is, do that instead.

IggyAce Tue 13-Aug-19 07:20:13

Sorry only solution is to find different child care. If you can’t afford nursery fees then the only choice is for one of you to give up work and care for dcs or change work patterns so you can both share care.

IfIShouldFallFromGraceWithGod Tue 13-Aug-19 07:15:01

As above. You should have made new arrangements as soon as she stopped respecting you as the parents

Finfintytint Tue 13-Aug-19 07:10:57

You need to find alternative childcare.

Vivienne1991 Tue 13-Aug-19 07:05:37

I don't really no where to start, other than I feel completely out of control of all aspects of my life. And not like 'crazy' out of control but out of control because my husband's nan has over the last 2 and a half years slowly taken control of everything I try to do when it comes to home life and my daughter's life.

My husband's nan and grandad have looked after our daughter from the age of 2 and a half whilst we both worked full time and couldn't afford the childcare fees. I was reluctant at first with them both being 82 but they still had their wits about them and well relatively fit and you wouldn't know they were 82. Anyway, things were fine at first and we had no issues - for your first 6 months anyway! Then slowly but surely the nan has becoming overbearing and controlling to the point of telling my daughter's HV that she is more of my daughter's mother than I am. She continually tries to tell me what is right or wrong and how I should do things. She ignores what both me and husband say when it comes to food and gives our daughter food that cause her constipation it's just a never ending list of things.

Last year I had two miscarriages one and after the other and during an unnecessary disagreement she tells me, in front of my daughter that they were my fault cause I am a bad mother and she can talk to me however she likes as she looks after my daughter - that was the final straw but after my husband spoke to her, she apparently 'apologised' so I agreed, out of no choice but to still allow her to look after our little girl.

Fast forward to last week - she's asks me if she can have my daughter over night. I really don't feel comfortable with this. My H's nan and granddad are now almost 85 and not only that I am 6 months pregnant and my DD is extremely clingy so I spoke to my H and we agreed that once I am on maternity leave (in two weeks she can have her over night). My H explained this to his N who said it was 'Thursday or never' - fine her choice but it made me wonder why that day. In the past she has asked to take my DD away but I've said no as they don't have mobiles etc. She then calls me the evening before she's due to look after my D and asks again - I repeat what she has already been told for her to ask why again. Once again I repeat it saying I'm not saying never I'm just saying no this week. To which she says 'well I suggest you find someone else to look after your child then' and hungs up the phone. My H heard all this and he was in just as much shock as I was. So T & F we are left we no child care having to take last minute days off. Not heard a thing all weekend to find out she's been in touch with my H yesterday and wants to arrange a play date with my D and her nursery friend - acting as if nothing has happened. My H won't tell her that what she done was disrespectful nor will he mention the incident to her.

I'm sorry for the long post I'm just at a loss and she is seriously causing such a huge problem with my husband and I and I'm so depressed. She is the cause of our rows and I know it's his N but she constantly over steps boundaries and what you say falls on deaf ears and I just think what's the point any more.

Any advice please from a broken mumma!!

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