Advanced search

a long time ago, my sister's friends dad exposed himself to her, and i am so annoyed cos he has never been punished for it

(12 Posts)
ridiculoussitch Thu 02-Aug-07 22:50:22

hi I hope this has done a name change.

This incident happened about 2o yrs ago, when she was about 15. At the time she was spending a fair bit of time at this friend's house.
Things were not great at home, and my sis will be the first to admit that she rather craved this man as a kind of second dad. I wasn't at home I was away at uni.

Our dad wasn't around. Anyhow. Over the years it has really affected my sis. She has had some rather not very well thought out relationships with men, mainly older. She doesnt think alot of herself.

We both lived away form our home town. Yet over the last 6-7 yrs we both returned to that town.

Of ocurse, the old friend wanted to have contact with my sister again, and of course this has been awful because my sister doesnt want to tell the friend why she feels she cant.

I never knew about the 'incidents', until just after my child was born, my child is now 5.

My sisiter went thru an awful time, drinking etc. I was ready to go there and confront the man. Unfortunately i just couldnt put his wife thru it and I feel bad I just couldnt. Me and my sister just somehow wanted him to know, that I now knew. Then my sister told our father, who nearly went and said something but bottled it.

So once again, it has got swept under the carpet.

Thing is, my sister has now moved on alot, but I am having difficulty because this friend of my sis has just had a baby and she lives with the parents. The mother works in town and i have to see her regularly now, due to the fact she works somewhere i have to leave my dd on occasion. Its just thrown it all up for me again.

Of course we have no idea what soever if anyhting ever happened to her, or wether this was just a stupid man trying it on with his teenage duaghter's friend in a moment of madness.

It was along time ago, yet i am so angry that it wil prob never be known, and I dont even know wether i want it to be. Of course in a way it is none of business, because it didn't happen to me but to my sister, but she did mention it recently and i rather feel like we have let her down in some way in not having a go at him, or soemthing.

this is just on my mind, and is getting me down.

forsale Thu 02-Aug-07 22:52:16

did he show it to her or actually try it on/touch her?

ridiculoussitch Thu 02-Aug-07 22:53:52

he tried to scare her by chasing her with it out once. Did alot of leering, and then on one occasion tried to grab her head and put it in her mouth.

she was very scared and felt betrayed.

forsale Thu 02-Aug-07 22:55:24

fucking hell i think thats more than "exposed himself"

i have no advice im afraid

ridiculoussitch Thu 02-Aug-07 22:59:10


ridiculoussitch Thu 02-Aug-07 23:02:46


salsmum Thu 02-Aug-07 23:20:14

She can still report it or get in touch with her local rape advice centre. I think this guy is/was an oportunist i would feel the same though, what if he has/is doing it to another child???????
I doubt if she was/is his only victim.

ridiculoussitch Fri 03-Aug-07 10:08:47

yes an opportunist, I think at the time my sister was being a rebel, and I think he knew she was having a relationship with soemone older, if you can call having sex as a relationship.

She was in a mess at that time in her life, and I was away at uni. I think I feel responsible, that I couldnt be there for her.

Perhaps th e opportunity will come for me to see this man at soem point, as I know they have moved closer to me.

I know what he did was wrong, and if it werent my sis, and i was giving advice to soemone else I would prob be saying, report him, yet it really is very different when it is in your own circle.

That is one thing that is making me anxious, that he could have been inappropriate with another kid. This is a village we are talking about, tho and he is a big part of it. I dunno. i just get angry.

blodwen Fri 03-Aug-07 10:15:39

I agree with Salsmum. I don't think someone who does something like that only does it the once. I would be concerned for the young child living there now.

allgonebellyup Fri 03-Aug-07 10:17:49

this stuff happens all the time, its more than exposing himself though, which is relatively safe and amusing (been flashed at many at time!)

salsmum Sun 05-Aug-07 01:52:16

Believe me i know how hard it is to report it when its your own circle/family. My older brother abused my niece for years. when i found out i went with her to The samaritans Unfortunatly she was a painfully shy girl and the police said she wasnt strong enough to stand an ordeal of a court. .
My brother left on a one way trip to the states where he has 3 kids.
I do not contact him but know that he has 'found god' and works in a sunday school.
Im sure my bro is the pillar of the community Child abusers often are, unfortunatly that is how they get away with what they do.
Its such a shame that the community is often sooo shocked when the abuse comes to light that very often they blame the victim/s because its too shocking to think that they too have been taken in by the abuser. 'the kind family man'.

bcsnowpea Sun 05-Aug-07 06:23:24

I can't give any advice on how you should deal with this man, though I hope desperately that it doesn't happen again. I can only say that the most important thing is that your sister has learned to live with it, and that she can continue with her life.
I can imagine the guilt you must feel for being physically absent (at uni) while your sister tried to deal with this, but you are there for her now and that's all that matters.
You sound like a wonderful sister.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now