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My friend said she feels sorry for my kids because they are asked to help out round the house

(90 Posts)
nutcracker Wed 01-Aug-07 18:06:15

Which made me feel a bit shite.

Dd1 is 9.9, Dd2 7.8 and Ds 4.8 and just recently I have started asking the elder two especially to help out a bit by drying up after lunch (only small amount), getting washing in (again small amount), and doing their own hot choc of a night (only using micro).

I don't always ask them to do it, and alot of the time they offer and even argue over it, but I feel guilty now, especially as my friend said 'and you don't even give them reg pocket money', which is true I don't, when I have it spare they have some, when I don't they don't. They don't expect on reg basis (ie every sat) and so if they don't get it one week it's not a prob.

So, question is, am i the only evil mother who does this ? and should i feel guilty ?

DiagonAllieBongo Wed 01-Aug-07 18:08:09

no, you should not feel guilty. why shouldn't they help? it's not as if you're getting them to sweep the farkin chimney. children will only learn how crap it is to have to constantly clean up after others if they get to do it themselves, and they may not make as much mess etc. tell your pal to get over herself

oops Wed 01-Aug-07 18:08:09

Message withdrawn

EscapeFrom Wed 01-Aug-07 18:08:22

You have the luxery of feeling sorry for her kids when they move out and have nervous breakdowns because they can't cope. Like I did!

lulumama Wed 01-Aug-07 18:08:26

well, i ask my DS , who is almost 8 to do little jobs, and have done since he was about 3 ...

just things like picking his clothes up and putting dirty ones in the basket and putting his school uniform on his radiator, taking plate off the table etc...

when DD is a bit older, i will ask her to do so aswell

being in a family means helping each other out, it is not like slave labour, now is it?

BandofMothers Wed 01-Aug-07 18:08:54

ABSOLUTELY NOT.................

We used to have to earn our pocket money.
Every night my brother washed and I dried, and the next night we swapped.
We had to tidy our own rooms and make our own beds.

You do them no favours handing life to them on a plate.

Does your friend have kids??

DiagonAllieBongo Wed 01-Aug-07 18:08:54

aaaah, the word fark used in the first 2 posts

ChasingSquirrels Wed 01-Aug-07 18:09:22

nutter (her)
my 4.10yo has to help round the house, and my 18mo helps to tidy up.

NoBiggy Wed 01-Aug-07 18:09:30

No you're not and no you shouldn't.

Sounds like you have some nice well-adjusted children. Far preferable to lazy selfish ones who grow up with an enormous sense of entitlement and no competency around the house!

nutcracker Wed 01-Aug-07 18:09:31

Should say that ds helps too, but only little things like picking up washing, tidying his room etc.

Oh and friend doesn't have any kids yet.

MadEyeMisdee Wed 01-Aug-07 18:09:37

mine tidy their rooms up, put dirty clothes in laundry

dd1 helps me get bedtime drinks done, sometimes put washing in the machine for me if i have sorted it out. dd3 likes to help me do the dishwasher.


tell your friend she is being silly

DANCESwithDumbledore Wed 01-Aug-07 18:09:39

GOOD GRIEF. Make sure you send my best to your friend's butler Alphonse...what a nob.

What you are doing asking sounds more than reasonable. I get my 2yr old and 4yr old to do little things (like tidying up a few toys) and ds loves to load the washing machine!

You shouldn't feel guilty and you are not an evil mother!

moondog Wed 01-Aug-07 18:09:49

Don't be daft Nutty.
It is good for kids to help out,teaches them to become responsible and considerate.

Particularly when yuo are alone.

My kids don't get pocket money either (oldest is 6.7) No intention of giving it to her either.

strawberry Wed 01-Aug-07 18:09:59

I say you are doing the right thing. No question. DS1 is 5.3 and sets the table for b'fast, helps to unload the dishwasher, put laundry away, chop soft fruit (with an amazing little knife that doesn't cut fingers!) and tidy up.

Even DS2 (2.3) can put laundry away and some dishwasher stuff.

lulumama Wed 01-Aug-07 18:10:56

she doesnlt have any kids yet??

well , she has no idea of the amount of extra mess, work and general chaoticness that children can create....has to be all hands to the deck or the house would implode

nutcracker Wed 01-Aug-07 18:12:34

Oh well thats good then, nice to know I am doing something right LOL.

TheArmadillo Wed 01-Aug-07 18:12:43

She is being ridiculous.

My 2yo ds helps out by putting away toys/tidying/hoovering.

He also 'helps' with the washing/dishwasher/gardening and occasionally cooking. Though this tends to hinder more than help.

Is good for them.

AttilaTheMum Wed 01-Aug-07 18:13:08

I agree that children should help around the house - DS is currently painting the hall, while I sit here on MN....

BandofMothers Wed 01-Aug-07 18:13:22

Heheee, this touched a nerve didn't it??

She'll learn when she sees how much mess they make. Hopefully

I'd be mighty peeved at her judging your way of parenting when she has none of her own.

My DD1 likes to help, and I encourage that.

muppetgirl Wed 01-Aug-07 18:13:38

My ds 3.4 gets the bowls out for breakfast (god help us if the black bowl is still in the dishwasher, we only have 1 and it's special) He then puts the bowls on the drainer to be washed.
He puts his dirty clothes in the linen basket and he doesn't get any pocket money.

You're doing a good thing for your dc as they will know that they have to participate in family life by doing jobs, they will learn some of the boringness, mundane-ness that housework is, but totally necassary all the same.

nutcracker Wed 01-Aug-07 18:13:53

I have to say, I am really looking forward to when she has a baby and her house looks like a bomb site.

SeamonstEr Wed 01-Aug-07 18:13:54

my ds1 [8] and ds2 [6] help me out by ds1 emptying the dishwasher [I remove knives etc], ds2 by cleaning the table, high chair and floor after meals. They both have to tidy their bedroom, make their bed and put dirty laundry in the washbasket and help pick up toys etc at the end of the day.
imo they help create the mess, so they can help tidy it.
I get a few people thinking it's really good or even a bit odd, but I think I am doing them a favour by being more responsible about their home environment.

RGPargy Wed 01-Aug-07 18:15:14

My brother, sister and I always had to help out around the house. Our daily chore was the washing up, wiping up and putting away. It wasn't much on hindsight, but it was enough to piss us off lol.

MadEyeMisdee Wed 01-Aug-07 18:16:50

i hated washing up. which is why we have a dishwasher

roisin Wed 01-Aug-07 18:24:36

Crikey - your friend would have a field day with me then.

Dss (8 and 10) have to do one chore (empty dishwasher, fetch the laundy in, that sort of thing), every day, and two in holidays/weekends. That's a basic expectation, as well as clearing up after themselves, making themselves snacks, putting clothes in the laundry, etc.

We don't live in a hotel, both dh and I work full-time(ish - I work school hours); and the boys are expected to show consideration and pull their weight. This is really important to me, it's part of being a family.

Sometimes when I get home from work ds1 will make me a cup of coffee, unprompted, which is simply wonderful. I'm so proud of him.

This week we are having a major blitz on the house, and they have both spent about 6 hrs in total cleaning/tidying since Monday They are on an incentive/reward scheme this week - Pokemon cards plus a trip to the cinema at the weekend if we've achieved our targets.

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