Talk

Advanced search

How do I get my children back?

(13 Posts)
Jjmkiloveu Tue 09-Jul-19 03:00:33

Hi mums

Anyone know what I can do to get my children back? How can I show the judge I'm ready to take them back. I know I need a good job house but what else ? What courses? What else?

I lost my kids to the system 2 years ago. End of last year was the final hearing. Because of my abusive relationships neglect I lost them. I got very depressed just before I lost them I started to ask for help from social as I have no family to help my ex beat me cheated on me then left I was left with 4 kids and crying all the time. I know if my mental state was better I would have had my children with me but things were falling apart and the social noticed.

I see my children in holidays it's not enough

Judge said I needed a CBT course which I've started

Just wondering if there's any parent groups or anyone I can talk to to help ?

Soon as your kids gone the whole world forgets your still a mum and there's no help out there
Any advice ?

Breastfeedingworries Tue 09-Jul-19 03:07:01

I’m so sorry this happened to you. I hope you get some good advice. Make sure you learn a huge lesson from what happened though. You put abusive dangerous men above your children and that is why they were removed. For their own safety. Are you staying single? A judge will need to see you are putting them first above a house or Job. Their safety is number one priority. flowers

MontyBowJangles Tue 09-Jul-19 03:17:23

I'm so sorry to read this, what a massive ordeal for you all.

Do you still have a local Children's Centre? Perhaps you could contact them to enquire about a parenting course? Our local ones run one called EPEC (Empowering Parents Empowering Communities).

Do you still have a social worker? I agree with the other poster that you being focused on putting the children's needs first is probably more important than a job right now (depending on the age of the children of course).

Good luck flowers

hormonesorDHbeingadick Tue 09-Jul-19 03:32:56

What was the outcome of the final hearing?

timeandtimeagain42 Tue 09-Jul-19 03:35:46

Are the children in short term foster care, long term foster care or adopted? This will make a huge difference to people's answers.
Basically though you need to show SS that you have moved forward and are ready to accept responsibility. A word of warning though, it will take time because SS will be looking for real, sustained changes that have taken place over a period of time. Having a job for a month or two won't cut it.
Ok, things that will help:
Showing that you can take care of yourself and your home..... clean house, smart, clean personal appearance, hair tidy and washed, clean clothes.
Taking part in self development courses EG freedom program, anger management, AA (if addiction was an issue)
Building a good support network around yourself, friends or family.
Actively engage over several months in either a job or a college course and be able to talk positively about the future.
Being able to talk honestly and openly with them about what went wrong to get your children taken away. This is REALLY important, don't blame everybody else, don't play the victim just accept that you made mistakes and are ready to work hard to change this.
No romantic relationships for a long time, sorry this is hard but because your children were taken due to dv you MUST be able to show that you are avoiding risky relationships that could be a danger to your children. Focus instead on building positive friendships with people who will be a good influence.

This will be hard, it will take time, effort and patience because NOTHING will happen over night. There's no quick band aid here. Your children are worth it though.

Good luck and take care of yourself thanks

SD1978 Tue 09-Jul-19 04:45:07

What were the terms of the final hearing? It sounds as if you're doing your best- just keep doing that. Do you have support now from anyone? Good luck with the course, and well done for getting out of the situation you were in. Good luck x

Gingerkittykat Tue 09-Jul-19 04:58:56

Are you in the UK?

Does a final hearing mean they are being placed for adoption?

What does your social worker say you need to do?

Apolloanddaphne Tue 09-Jul-19 06:24:08

What is the SW plan for your children?

AnybodysDude Tue 09-Jul-19 06:25:57

As above, what was the outcome of the final hearing?

OurChristmasMiracle Tue 09-Jul-19 07:48:44

Honestly it sounds as if you are concentrating on the wrong things. A job and house will not get you your kids home.

You need to look at what went wrong. Engage with SS seek out your own counselling and therapy. Do the freedom programme

What social services will be looking for is you to be able to prove that the circumstances that led to your children being taken into care will not happen again. You need to build a strong positive support network around you. You need to pro actively seek and engage with services

Jjmkiloveu Tue 09-Jul-19 10:15:14

Hey all Thank you

I'm in the UK

I have already done freedom program and consoling

I had no support from anyone I felt I needed my ex he had complete control over me I was scared of him

None of you will understand what it was like unless you had been through it

My house is haunted. Me and the kids couldn't sleep whenever I stay their alone I get held down and can't sleep I see shadows I believe this chaos in the house also played a part in me loosing them.
There's a draining energy in the house and we were always sick. Kids crying toys moving on their own shadows noises banging sounds!

I was a mum just like you saying to myself I'd never loose my kids

I had a son with adhd
The school was constantly calling social because he was hard to manage

I can go on and on about things that led to me loosing them but I won't

The social have a care order

They can increase contact decrease contact

I get on well with the social worker and she said give it a year till you take it back to court

I've been attending Review meets on my two eldest boys who are in long term foster care for now.

My babies have been taken by their father My abuser
The judge granted him care orders and allowed him to take them to Poland

Because I never reported the abuse I wasn't believed in court
Even after 3 of my 4 children said he had hurt me

I'm working towards getting my eldest back 9 and 11

How do I get my little ones from Poland

Breastfeedingworries Tue 09-Jul-19 14:50:06

The house is haunted? I’m afraid saying things like that won’t help your cause. It can make you sound unstable. There are more nonbelievers than believers so be careful how you come across too. You were the adult in that house, their main carer and did fail them I’m afraid.

I hope you get help and do get them back if you’ve truly accepted what happened.

Not sure about getting them back? Someone else might have more advice.

SmartPlay Wed 17-Jul-19 14:43:50

Getting a job and sorting out your life is a good thing - especially for yourself. When it comes to your children, howevery, that might not be enough. It doesn't only matter if you're now capable of taking care of them, but also what's in the best interest of your children. If they have not been living with you for 2 years and have a life established without you, it might be in their best interest to stay where they are.
Also, if they live in another country, it might be especially hard to get them back.

Apart from that: What you write about your house being haunted indicates that you certainly aren't fit to raise children. You should really get help - for your own sake!

Join the discussion

Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Get started »