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Starting School Blues - anyone else feel like me?

14 replies

IDismyname · 23/07/2002 22:53

So, the summer holidays have begun, and ds (only child) starting school in September...

At the moment, I'm swinging between wanting to make the most of every minute with him, hating his intrusion back into my life (after playgroup), and panicking like hell about quite WHAT I'm going to do with myself come September and he's gone to school.

Can't decide to embark on an Open University course , go for an AS Level in Ceramics, go back to work or become my dreaded nightmare, a Lady Who Lunches!

I want more out of life, but just don't know what it is. I'm very lucky that I don't have to work, but I miss the feeling of satisfaction (and money!) it gives me. I don't know if work is the "answer".

Frankly, I'm a pretty awful person at the moment. No time or patience for anyone in my life, so short tempered with ds and dh, and I'm sure it's because I've reached a - perhaps - "Pre Mid Life Crisis"...

Anyone else been there, or feeling the same?

Anyone know a good careers adviser - if that's what I need?

Any advice received with thanks

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WideWebWitch · 23/07/2002 23:35

Oh fms, I do know how you feel! The freedom (possibly) the boredom (possibly) the sadness (most likely): it is going to be weird. For me, I'm going to:
Start a new job if they agree to the part time hours I've suggested and then get pregnant (hopefully) thereby starting the whole damn thing all over again!

Re the mid life crisis, I'm going to consider botox/other drastic measures once I have worked at aforementioned job long enough to earn the money for it. But I'll probably bottle out with the excuse that I can't justify it as a femininst.

You Are Not Alone (hope that doesn't sound sinister, had lovely meal and some wine...)

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Tinker · 23/07/2002 23:38

The only problem with OU is that most courses don't start until February. Personally, I'd love to be a Lady who Lunches!

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Lindy · 24/07/2002 21:02

fms - my DS is only 18 months but I am really looking forward to the day he starts school!! The freedom, the time to do what you want, when you want it - I can't wait!! I long to read the paper uninterrupted, without having to wait to DS's bedtime when the news is old, the pleasure (!) of even doing housework/ironing etc quickly & without interruptions, going to the gym/pool ON MY OWN - for proper exercise & not having to pack half the car with his stuff!! Frankly, although I do all the 'toddler groups etc' I find them pretty boring (for myself) & look forward to spending time with a variety of different people.

Have you tried voluntary work? There is so much do to, whatever your interests, you will always be welcomed and there is not the 'comittment' that you have to offer a job ...... obviously not the money either, but I find it very worthwhile & rewarding in itself.

Also try your local authority for day time classes - loads of different courses available, even where we live in the sticks!

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IDismyname · 25/07/2002 22:20

Thank you all for your comments so far.

Lindy - I know what life is like with an 18m old. It's pretty hellish, and I'd have sold my soul to the devil if it had given me some peace at that stage. Thing is, life's very different when they're 4. You do get the occasional 10 mins to read the paper, go to the loo etc. They almost become friends...
I guess the world seems a much bigger place once you come out the other side of being a full time mom, stuck in the merry go round of toddler groups and so on.
It's a bit daunting saying goodbye to your child when they go to school... and that's why I posted, I guess. You need to find a new "raison d'etre" (sp?)

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threeangels · 25/07/2002 23:03

fms, I understand completley how you are feeling. As for myself I am a stay at home mom of a 21 mo old. My two others are already in school. I have always stayed home with my kids their first year and then took them to the daycares I worked at. With my 21 mo old (3rd child) I quit work while pregnant and decided in life I would permanetley stay home even after my ds goes to school. I have enjoyed staying home with my ds but now I am starting to ask myself do I really want to make the rest of my life just staying home, eating out with friends and shopping etc, etc. My dh will graduate this dec and our finances will be much better so because of the financial condition we have been in for the past 13 years (lack of going to college over the years) I was looking forward to just relaxing in life and not worrying about money. The problem is now I feel confused about staying home or attending college. I just dont feel satisfied with my life but also feel like Im getting to old to think of college now (I know 32 is not old). I just feel I wasted so much time why bother now. Sometimes I think it will be great not having to worry about money and staying home but what about years down the road when the kids are teenagers and more independent? I feel Ill wish I went to school because by then Ill be really bored with my life. Im thinking that maybe I should go to school now while Im still young. I may not use my degree right away but at least Ill have it for the future. I guess Ill have to meditate on this for a while. Good luck on your future decisions.

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Lindy · 26/07/2002 08:58

I wonder if age has anything to do with this discussion? I didn't become a SAHM until I was 43 & by the time my DS starts school I will be almost 50 (shock horror thought of standing at the school gates with all the other 'young' mums!!) I am lucky enough to have a degree, stimulating career etc etc behind me & (the way I feel now) I certainly don't want to go back to that - although I do like to keep busy with voluntary stuff etc. However, I am sure if I was 32 like threeangels I would be feeling more interested in 'spreading my wings'.

On a slightly different track & I know this sounds mean but how come on Mumsnet we 'meet' such interesting, articulate, people with such a wide range of views & opinions, yet 'toddler group (& I run one!!) mums' discussions seems limited to nappies & trivia - anyone else feel like this?

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WideWebWitch · 26/07/2002 09:34

Lindy, don't know if it's age: I'm 35. But the main difference I can see between here and toddler groups etc is that there aren't children competing for attention at the same time. well, there might be but we just log off for a while! Also the relative anonymity here means that we're not necessarily worried about what other people think of us and so we can speak our minds. Also, there's no locality here, we're from all over the country (and world) and from a variety of backgrounds, ages and classes so there's bound to be a swathe of different opinions and parenting styles.

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Azzie · 26/07/2002 22:42

Guess I've just been lucky because of where I live - I've met some really interesting people at our toddler groups. Our coffee group at the moment includes by training a PhD-qualified physicist, an orthopaedic surgeon, a GP, a physiotherapist, a senior psychiatric nurse, an intensive care nurse, an infant's school teacher, an accountant and two medical copywriters. Among these we also cover atheism, Catholicism, Judaism, Hinduism and plain old C of E. The one area I'm not sure about is how wide our politics are!

I have to say that we do still find ourselves talking about nappies and trivia sometimes, sadly

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ks · 27/07/2002 00:05

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IDismyname · 29/07/2002 19:08

ks
I look back on the time I wasa career girl, and i know that part of her still exists inside, but just don't feel that I'd be able to throw myself into my previous job all over again. It needed complete concentration, dedication, and a real "hard nut" approach. I certainly feel that I've lost the last ability completely! Is it becoming a mom that does it, do you think?
I'm 35... and Azzie - I'm amazed at the cross section of your toddler group mums. You're obviously in a very brainy part of the UK!

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