Pretending to be happy but miserable(1 Post)
I run my own business. I'm a beauty therapist but specialise in holistic massage. My clients seem to love me because of my positivity and happiness, but this is a lie. Its all an act. A tiring, draining act.
I have an amazing husband. We love each other very much but he is at the extreme end of positivity and can't seem to bear it when I'm down or struggling. He's a 'just get on with it' kind of person and believes that positivity creates success (which I agree in part but it's difficult to be happy when you're miserable). I feel like he's sick of me at the moment so again I just pretend like everything's ok when it's not.
My friends tell me how lucky I am - I'm 32 and have my own business, own a lovely house in a gorgeous area (that most of them could never afford). I'm happily married and have two dogs. My life appears perfect.
After 2.5 years of trying to conceive, I finally got pregnant but then miscarried at 12 weeks. It was brutal in every sense ...and I'm now severely anaemic, which has impacted my job so now I'm skint and I've lost a few clients. At the same time, I was also diagnosed as having a 10cm ovarian cyst which has made my life miserable. I'm uncomfortable every second of every day. I can't recall the last time I had a good nights sleep. I'm hoping to have surgery in a few months but every day feels like a week right now.
I decided to come on to mums net and post in the miscarriage section but I quickly felt annoyed by those who had miscarried earlier than me. I'm aware of how awful that sounds. I feel terrible for saying it. People who had a miscarriage at 5 weeks would tell me they understand, but how can they. Even those that miscarried at 12 weeks were quickly trying again and some of them are pregnant again already. They're all happy for one another but I'm just utterly jealous.
It's true that no one likes a Debbie Downer. My friends know my situation but all I hear is 'you'll be alright' and 'don't worry' and then we change the subject. So its just easier to pretend to be happy isn't it.
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