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I don't have big piles.

(999 Posts)
QueenMortifauxcado Tue 29-Nov-16 21:26:26

Which is mightily impressive for sitting on a throne all day and existing primarily on carbs (and the odd avocado), isn't it?

Anyone else got an arse of steel?

PrincessMortificado Tue 29-Nov-16 21:29:55

And I definitely don't have a leaky foof myself <clenches pointlessly>

PrincessMortificado Tue 29-Nov-16 21:30:58

Wait, you're not the real Queen! I withdraw my confession. It was the wine. It was a lie.

Here, have some wine

2kids2dogsnosense Tue 29-Nov-16 21:31:32

I live on a diet of Toblerone and confitted dragon eggs. I am also pile free.

(Former PapalYoungPretenderofMortificado, now PopeinExileKnownAs 2Kids. Minor joinery work undertaken, dogs walked, shoes soled while-U-wait. Competitive rates.)

2kids2dogsnosense Tue 29-Nov-16 21:31:58



LadyJaneMortificado Tue 29-Nov-16 21:34:03

Oi! I'm still here and the current occupant of the throne.

Pile free I might add. Delicate white perfect arse.

QueenMortifauxcado Tue 29-Nov-16 21:37:14

wine all round!

Wait, it doesn't cause piles does it? Wouldn't want to ruin my reputation.

UncleMortificado Tue 29-Nov-16 21:38:44

Jane, that's more information than I ever needed to know about my daughter in law.

PrimeMinisterDragonMortificado Tue 29-Nov-16 21:40:48

Can dragons get piles? <worried>

QueenMortificado Tue 29-Nov-16 21:44:49


QueenMortifauxcado Tue 29-Nov-16 21:45:14

Weren't you previously a doctor, PrimeMinister?

QueenMortifauxcado Tue 29-Nov-16 21:49:28

(shhh you're ruining the facade, your steel-arsed queenlyness! Have some wine and pretend you're a peasant.)

QueenMortificado Tue 29-Nov-16 21:50:21

Well Faux, it's your thread so I'll put up and shut up grin

Cheers! wine

QueenMortifauxcado Tue 29-Nov-16 21:57:07

I've never started a thread before your queenpeasantlyness, does this give me some kind of power? <eyes light up>

PrincessMortificado Tue 29-Nov-16 21:57:31

Well I'm certainly more attracted to you.

PrincessMortificado Tue 29-Nov-16 21:57:49

Shit did I say that out loud? blush

2kids2dogsnosense Tue 29-Nov-16 22:03:06

Le plus ca change . . .

QueenMortifauxcado Tue 29-Nov-16 22:07:10

Your foof is leaking again Princess. Not quite the kind of power I was after.
<drinks more wine whilst sidling away from puddle>

UnlovedDragonofMortificado Tue 29-Nov-16 22:23:21

Can I have some wine please?

Anyone have any amulets?

TeenageCentaurMortificado Tue 29-Nov-16 22:30:13

What the actual fuck are piles?

God you are all sooooooo embarrassing.

I hate you

UnlovedDragonofMortificado Tue 29-Nov-16 22:34:56

Piles are the future kid. Along with misery and pointlessness. Nobody loves you. Life is pointless.


TeenageCentaurMortificado Tue 29-Nov-16 22:38:31

Who the fuck are you? unloved? Another bastard child from the foof of princess?

UnlovedDragonofMortificado Tue 29-Nov-16 22:41:34

I'm no one. I'm pointless.


UnlovedDragonofMortificado Tue 29-Nov-16 22:41:49


QueenMortifauxcado Tue 29-Nov-16 22:44:18

Someone give that dragon an amulet, he's bringing down my thread / don't-have-piles party

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