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Christmas Dilemma ish

(3 Posts)
MotherofA Sun 16-Oct-16 23:01:46

What do you all generally do at Christmas ? Since living together three years ago I have had to spend every Christmas Day with PIL.
I cooked for 14 at mine so I could see both families the year before last , then last year spent at theirs which was awful if I am honest . They won't play games , she won't laugh or have fun . FIL tests you on who sang what or who starred in whatever film ( all pre 1970) . This year was under the impression they were seeing their other DS as I had made clear the deal was I see my family this year when saw them last .... however , they have deliberately not made plans and DH has told them we will be seeing them without discussing with me . He was even willing to have separate Christmas's so as not to leave them alone ?

So , I have ended up offering to do lunch for them and some of my large family yet again as a compromise (my idea of hell ) . Unfortunately I cannot relax around my Mother or MIL lol and them together gives me anxiety at the thought haha. In addition to this PIL like to have sleepovers despite us living less than 10 minutes drive and us willing to pay taxi . I will be around 28 weeks pregnant at Christmas . Hahahahaha .
My idea of a perfect Christmas is to go away with the children and not have to people please if I'm honest

BackforGood Sun 16-Oct-16 23:45:45

We've generally worked on a sort of a 4 yr pattern - we go to PiLs, we host my side, we host PiLs, then we go to my side. It's not that regular (have to fit in with my family and his also going to others or hosting others on their in-law sides), but it's worked out fairly fair and not too onerous over the 20+ years we've been married.
If it becomes a 'chore' or a day you start to dread, then you are doing it wrong. I mean - a 'chore' one year is OK if it means you get the lovely day you prefer another day.
However, you also have to acknowledge that your idea of "fun" - playing games, etc. - isn't necessarily what your partner wants to do on Christmas day, and his preference is as valid as yours, but you just have to both understand that as a starting point and work out a way to compromise (which in most families, I guess means taking turns).

MotherofA Mon 17-Oct-16 00:05:29

Yes after this year I am going to make it clear we alternate , even if I have to tell PIL's myself . Mind you I did tell them that last year !
DH likes the games and laughs it's PIL that don't . We asked them for a game of cluedo once and they laughed at us like we were idiots ! It's just a bit of fun surely haha. Being pregnant this year will mean I am sober also which will intensify the experience somewhat as I normally have a large wine prior to any encounter with PIL.
Wouldn't want my ex back but his family were fab , his mother is still like a friend to me and if we wanted Christmas just us she was fine or happy to have us . Never any guilt tripping or pressure from her . She was the perfect mother in law star

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