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Stranger photographing my daughter in a swimming costume/ I over-reacting?

(58 Posts)
Notsurehow Wed 21-Sep-16 15:42:01

Will try to keep this brief.
In the Summer,DD went on a playdate and told to bring swimmers as playdate's neighbour has a pool and the girls could go for a swim.

DD and her 2 friends went for swim and it transpired on the journey home that neighbour was male,his child was not at home,he got in the pool with the girls and was tickling them,stroking their legs and "touching my butt,lifting us up" to quote my DD.
He also took photos of them.

I played this down with DD but it played on my mind and decided I had to talk to the Mother of the friend.
When I did this,it transpired that her DD never wanted to go over there alone and on two separate occasions had "twanged her bikini" and asked her to take her top off so he could take a photo.She refused,told him not to be stupid and left as she was on her way out of the house.He said he was only joking.

The girls are 11yrs old and the bikini accident happened when she was 10.His daughter is 7yrs old and goes to the same school.
He is the main carer for his DD as works from home a lot and his wife works full time.

What would you think if it was your DD?

What would you do?

Would be grateful for opinions.

AbbieLexie Wed 21-Sep-16 15:47:58

Contact the police without hesitation. We did and the police were very helpful and interested.

northernshepherdess Wed 21-Sep-16 15:52:46

He's a wrongun. Pervy uncle was the same and ended up raping and assaulting 3 girls ages 9 an 10 before getting caught

Cherryskypie Wed 21-Sep-16 15:54:55

Do you really need to ask what you should do????

Julie0210 Wed 21-Sep-16 15:55:12

Report to SS and/or police. I work in this field, they will definitely be interested!

SimonLeBonOnAndOn Wed 21-Sep-16 15:55:16

Totally inappropriate.
Report it to Police.

Giratina Wed 21-Sep-16 15:55:26

He asked her to take her top off for a photo? shock

Phone the police and report this. If anyone needs their hard drive going over with a find tooth comb it's this creepy fucker.

GingerIvy Wed 21-Sep-16 15:57:32

Absolutely ring police.

AprilLoveJ Wed 21-Sep-16 15:59:33

Police, now. These pictures need to be found and this man needs to be on their radar and stopped asap.

Fruitellaz Wed 21-Sep-16 16:36:48


SmellOfPythonInTheMorning Wed 21-Sep-16 16:39:41

Yes, police.

Ilovewillow Wed 21-Sep-16 16:40:52

Definitely contact the police it sounds very wrong under any circumstances!

nikkinackienoo Wed 21-Sep-16 16:51:08

Friend had already told her mum that yet she still let her go over to play in pool?

2014newme Wed 21-Sep-16 16:52:43

You ignored your child being serially abused and photographed.
Shame on you.

Figgygal Wed 21-Sep-16 16:53:20

Id be going bloody mental at the mother who let your child go round there with prior knowledge of his behaviour!!!

BackwardElephants Wed 21-Sep-16 17:10:14

I can't under and why the mum kept on letting her dd go. And then invite friends as well?!

purplefizz26 Wed 21-Sep-16 17:12:24

Police. Today. Without a doubt.

Is the mother of your DDs friend a total idiot? Why did she let them go knowing he had behaved this way before???????

DartmoorDoughnut Wed 21-Sep-16 17:15:34


GlitteryFluff Wed 21-Sep-16 17:22:13


Notsurehow Wed 21-Sep-16 22:36:41

Thank you for your views which just reinforced that I was right to have taken the action I did prior to the posting.

The Mother (who only disclosed this morning the top off incident with her daughter) had a meeting with the school first thing this morning at my instigation. Head of pastoral said she was right to raise it and he would discuss with the Head and let her know what (if anything) they would do.
Within half an hour she got a call saying they were obliged to notify the authorities and within an *hour and a half there was a police officer and a social worker interviewing her daughter at school.
I received a phone call from social services who are coming to visit me tomorrow. However,when my daughter got home from school today she told me she had been taken out of class to have a meeting with a police officer and a social worker shock
Fast forward an hour and I received a call from the Mother who told me that the man is currently under investigation and now in custody!!! [shock shock

My gut instincts were right all along and I am glad that even though my daughter is physically fine and will never see this creature again,that I persued it.

For the police and SS to act as quickly as they did I can't help but feel that there might be a huge fire behind this smoke and he may have done something hideous to a child/children.

It has reinforced my view that these things must be reported as too many people only come forward when something hideous happens and say "oh he did this/that/the other and I always had my suspicions" etc.

I am so grateful my daughter is fine,not happy she has to do a video interview tomorrow as she has only just started at a new school and is struggling a bit but so relieved that something is hopefully being done about this predator.

I will ask tomorrow if I have the right to know what photos he has of my daughter and if they can track where he might have shared them. Really not sure where I stand on that but I hate the thought that her picture could be winging it's way around the world of sicko's this man inhabits.

Lorelei76 Wed 21-Sep-16 22:43:14

Op if you had reported the day it happened the police would have reacted immediately. He doesn't have to have a history, what he did on that one occasion was abuse.

Lorelei76 Wed 21-Sep-16 22:45:29

Also sorry to say it but as the mother of the girl knew what was going on I think the police ought to question her too. Not only did she not stop sending her dd there, she invited another child?

No offence op but the world is an ugly place so you might want to turn your suspicion settings up a bit higher.

Coconutty Wed 21-Sep-16 22:46:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SarcasmMode Wed 21-Sep-16 22:55:44

Thank fuck he's being investigated.
Mim worried he's done something to his poor daughter sad

Agree with others I'd be fucking furious with the other Mum who let this man try and abuse her daughter again and your daughter.

She's either an idiot, an apologist or an enabler.

I hope your DD doesn't get too distressed through

Notsurehow Wed 21-Sep-16 22:58:38

I wish I had not waited a week to raise it but when I did,the Mother said she was going to speak to him. She wanted to catch him on the drive rather than in his house and failed to do so. I am glad she didn't as he would have had time to construct a story and destroy any evidence.
She does feel terrible that she didn't do anything before but she has had a lot on her plate in the last year and because he was "such a good neighbour,had a little girl of his own etc" she failed to put 2 and 2 together.

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