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Why is my life going rapidly downhill!

(1 Post)
Jasmine190 Fri 12-Aug-16 20:19:33

Hello all i'm new so i'm really sorry if this is in the wrong place.

I just feel like i need some advice/your experiences because i'm feeling really lost right now!

I started a job around a year ago now in an NHS sector, it was a good distance from where I live. I was working with a professional who was clearly more qualified than I was but that was okay, until he started making it clear that he was more educated than me, every day I went into work I was being belittled and made to feel horribly small.

No matter what I did it was never good enough and I was worked to literal exhaustion, I collapsed on the stairs one day from running up and down them so much because he was sending me on a wild goose chase for things that didnt even exist (I was new to the job bare in mind) no one seemed to care

I spoke to my manager and she mightaswell have laughed me out of the door, I began to cry on my way to work, during work, and after work and stopped eating sleeping and socialising.

Determined to keep at this job, I had 2 weeks holiday and got a job interview in this time within the same sector but a different practice a lot closer to where I live, I attended hoping that it would be better from my inital experience.

I was introduced to the one I would be working with if I were successful in the application process (current assistant crying in the corner of the room didnt give me wads of hope!). The professional left the room and I walked over immediately to ask if she was ok and to offer some comfort as the manager nor the professional seemed to care!
She told me to be careful of taking the job here and that she was really struggling to come to work.

The professional walked back into the room and asked me to take a seat, he began to question me on my competency with sarcastic remarks to which I replied "i'm new to the job".
To which he proceeded to throw an instrument at me which did actually hit me and would have caused some damage if I didn't move out of the way. I just stared in disbelief and asked to be excused from the room, explained this incident to the manager and she just laughed. I got my things and left.

I returned to my normal job, my mood increasingly lowering day by day. I eventually asked for a transfer to a practice closer to my house within the same company to just get away from my initial professional. I was granted the move and a day before I was to start, an extremely close family member passed away. I was distraught and heartbroken and tried going to work the next day, I set up my surgery and sat in there waiting to be greeted by the manager and the person I was to be working with. I explained the situation and the manager told me to take the day off, the "professional" however got right in my face and said you honestly just need to get over it, its pathetic

I burst into tears and ran out, I returned to work and things just got worse and worse, my mood was so low and i'm not very confident as it is and I had anxiety/panic attacks before the job but my levels were just sky high. The people in the practice were so unhelpful and when I asked to speak to the manager she just asked a bevy of other employees into the room and completely ignored me and what I had to say. One of the girls, was really lovely and explained to me that she has had a lot of problems with the practice and had since left.

I began not being able to sleep, eat, or even function without crying, when I say I was up for the whole night crying, I literally mean I cried up until I got in the door and found myself crying in the toilets and it got that bad I had to keep being sent home, I was making myself so poorly.

Since then I have been off sick for 28 weeks and am now claiming ESA after a tumultuous time trying to process my application. And my doctors surgery "needing" to see me about my sick notessad its like one thing sorted six more things pop up!

I am expecting a beautiful little baby in January/February which has been my motivation to keep going through all of this. But i'm really struggling to find another job, ideally part time so that I dont have as much stress because I dont want to make myself as poorly as I did for the babies sake. Hundreds of job applications and i'm getting no where and i'm just so disheartened

My doctors surgery want to see me next week regarding my sick notes and my employer wants to have a meeting with me I know its protocol but i'm so worried and upset, I went to buy clothes for the baby last week and didnt have enough money on my card, I was so so upset and embarrassed

My car keeps breaking down which I have out on finance from a second hand car dealer, to which he refuses to wipe the finance, i've called the finance company to ask them what can be done and they said i wouldn't have to pay anything back as havent made enough payments they would just refund me the money i've paid, but hes ignoring my texts, calls and just keeps saying " we'll get it fixed" its not got long left on its warranty and major major parts have already been replaced and its still going wrong!

Im having to take it back to be repaired again tomorrow and want to ask hin if he will take it back and give me my money back, but I just have a strong feeling he wont! It would be such a relief to have it off my chest im in the garage every other week and I just cant cope with the finance payments anymore.

Im just losing hope of ever getting anywhere with myself everything seems to be going wrong and I cant see an end to it. I don't know if im over worrying with some things but my heads spinning!

I'm sorry this is so long I just needed to get it off my chest any advice or experiences would be appreciated so muchsad

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