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Second child - yes or no

(9 Posts)
HJS83 Sat 23-Jul-16 17:17:05

Ok so I'm new to posting on here. Hoping for some advice from only children but anyone feel free to weight in. I have one child and my husband would like a second, but I'm not so sure now (we had fertility issues and not doing that again). I worry that I wouldn't love the second as much as the first, if we were lucky enough to have another, as I had more or less written off it ever happening for us so DD is my little miracle. People keep saying she'll be lonely without a sibling but is that true? Will I have issues of I had another that would be I unfair on the new baby. I am torn and want to do right by DD and any future offspring lol

originalmavis Sat 23-Jul-16 17:30:02

Please don't listen to the loney only crap. By their ironic logic you ought to have 3 kids just in case one dies.

My mum was an only child and was as happy as a sandboy. I was one of a crowd and very shy and lonely as a child.

footballwidow12 Sat 23-Jul-16 17:32:44

Hi - I'm in quite a similar position really. No problems with fertility but quite bad PND afterwards. Also age is not on my side (im 34) so feel like the pressure is on to decide. Love my DD to the end of the earth but feel like I'm not a natural, and that I have to try really really hard to be a good mum! Good luck with whatever decision you make smile

HJS83 Sat 23-Jul-16 17:40:10

Thanks I just want to do what's best and it's hard when all people go on about is how lonely she will be as an only child - I feel lucky to have her and hate that thought

Then there are people I know who don't even talk to there siblings so no guarantee they would be close

Footballwidow12 - I feel your pain it's hard to know what's best

Ilikegin Sat 23-Jul-16 17:42:26

I'm the same, pregnant with my first, have had the most horrendous pregnancy, Severe HG for 20 weeks, then straight into SPD and Diastatis Recti, barely been able to work etc and numerous other complications resulting in hospital visits constantly, it's nine months of my life but I'm terrified of doing it again, also feel like I've suffered with a bit of ante natal depression if I'm honest, but we always wanted two babies! DH says it would be my choice but I feel like id be depriving him of the family he wanted as well! So interested to see peoples opinions too! We do think that there are positives to being an only child, we can give her everything she needs as not having to split costs between more children, no sibling rivalry/fighting etc.. There must be more.. hmm

suspiciousofgoldfish Sat 23-Jul-16 17:46:36

Your DD won't be lonely. That's just one of those ridiculous things people say.

Single children are very common now.
She'll make plenty of friends at nursery/school etc.

There are pros and cons to both sides of course, but you have to do what's right for your situation.

I have a lot of (very happy and well adjusted) friends who have no siblings.

I am one of six and am a neurotic, high maintenance nightmare.

scoobyloobyloo Sat 23-Jul-16 18:04:44

I had dd1 at 29, DH had chance and we were told to try before treatment.

When she was 5 we started trying again only to find out he the treatment had left him infertile.

Cue 2 years of fertility treatment. Two miscarriages. One viable twin pregnancy resulting in DD2 and her twin brother who passed away at 32 wks gestation from a genetic disorder.

It has been a horrendous journey but worth every minute for the beautiful 4 week old snoozing gently beside me.

I was worried that after 9 yrs of just us and DD, combined with all the trauma that I wouldn't love DD2 as much. I can promise you that I do.
And nothing beats the rush of love that I have when I see her falling in love with her little sister too.

All through the process I kept telling myself that if it didn't work then I knew that I had given it my best shot and that we would never have any regrets.

CharminglyGawky Sat 23-Jul-16 18:30:45

I'm an only, apparently due to my mum's health but I've only recently found that out. I'm fine, I was fine, it never bothered me being an only.

I do hate when people say that only children are more spoilt or missed out or whatever. When you are little you just accept what you have as normal. There are down sides to being an only child but there are good points as well, much as there are downsides to having siblings as well as upsides.

originalmavis Sat 23-Jul-16 18:38:38

The most horribly spoiled brats I've ever had the misfortune to meet have been firstborns with siblings.

Most of the onlies I know/have met have been very confident, laid back, smart and funny.

Maybe because they haven't been brought up with sibling conflict, comparisons and wrestling for attention?

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